The Beautiful Ones Book II
by Isabella Monroe
Summary: This is Josie Cousland and Anders' story set during Awakenings. It will not be a retelling of the game, but it will serve as the backdrop for the story. You do not have to have read Set Fire to follow this story.
1. Chapter 1 U got the look

**This story is set during Awakenings. The game will be the backdrop to story, but it is not a retelling of the game. It is Josie Cousland and Anders' story. It is a prequel to Set Fire to the Rain.**

**Disclaimer - Just to be clear this story is not an A/U in the true sense of the word, but it won't follow game canon either. I have taken liberties for the sake of the plot. I hope you enjoy it!**

**The Beautiful Ones**

**Chapter 1 – U got the look**

"U walked in, I woke up, I've never seen a pretty girl look so tough

Baby, u got that look

Color u peach and black, color me taken aback

Crucial, I think I want ya

U've got the look, u've got the hook, sho'nuff do be cookin', in my book

Ur face is jammin', ur body's heck-a-slammin', if love is good, let's get 2 rammin'

U got the look, u got the look"

_U got the look by Prince_

Anders couldn't believe his luck had finally run out. He had been free from the Circle for almost two years. He knew that it was because of the Blight that he had stayed free for so long. He wouldn't wish darkspawn on anyone, but if it hadn't been for them, he felt sure the Templars would have caught up with him long ago. Now as he sat in the dank dungeon at Vigil's Keep, waves of nausea rolled through him as he thought about going back to the Circle and what they would do to him once he returned. This had been his seventh escape, if they let him live, he was sure by the time they were done he would be wishing for death.

The dungeon door opened and his jailer stepped in carrying two trays of food. The guard slid the tray through the opening at the bottom of his door; and then through the slit on the cell beside him where a sullen man with long black hair sat stoically on the floor. Anders stirred the slop in the bowl; he lifted his spoon and watched as the goop plop back into the bowl.

"I believe they feed the darkspawn better than they do their prisoners," Anders chuckled trying to make conversation with the man in the other cell, but to no avail. The man remained still as a statue and as quiet as a chantry mouse. Anders pushed the tray away and stood up to stretch. He wiggled his fingers and he felt his magic beginning to return.

The Templars had stopped at the Keep last night to rest before heading further south toward the Circle. Before they had thrown him into the cell they smited him to ensure that he wouldn't cause any problems during the night, but as he slipped the veil open he felt the warmth of his magic begin to course through his veins, and he smiled. If he just pretended to still be drained, he might be able to attack the bastards while they still had their guard down.

The prison door opened again and that bitch Rylock stepped in. "Get on your feet, Mage. It's time to go."

"Good thing I didn't want to eat breakfast," Anders replied looking down at the bowl of mush.

Rylock didn't reply. She just waited for the guard to open the door. She roughly grabbed Anders by the arm and pulled him toward the exit.

"If you like it rough, all you had to do was say so. I'm always up for a round of naughty Templar," Anders stated dryly.

"Shut up, Mage before I shut you up," Rylock as she nearly dragged him up the stairs to the courtyard.

"Bifferd, Giles and Nigel," she yelled as she waved over three Templars over. The two knights ran up to her. "Secure this apostate while I let Seneschal Varel know we are leaving."

The one named Giles spun Anders around and gathered his arms behind him to secure his wrists. He had the rope secure around one hand when Anders heard the whistle of an arrow and gurgling from behind him. Anders whirled around and saw the tip of an arrow protruding from the Templar's throat as the knight crumbled to the ground. Anders looked up at the Keep's ramparts, he saw a Hurlock taking aim at him, Anders dove out of the way as the arrow whizzed by his ear. He rolled to his feet just as a Genlock charged him, Anders threw a stone fist spell at it, sending it stumbling backwards.

Anders looked around and saw darkspawn by the dozen pouring over the walls and battlements of the Keep. He ran for the stronghold's main doors. As he entered the throne room, he realized that the Templars had followed him inside. Their swords were drawn, but they weren't trained on him. Anders pulled the door's brace into place just as the first blow of the battering ram smashed into the doors. The barrier held, but its hinges buckled under the stress. It wouldn't take them long to break through. If only he had a staff. He glanced around, but saw nothing.

"Do the Wardens keep darkspawn here at the Keep?" Nigel asked.

The other knight smacked him in the back of the head. "Don't be stupid. The darkspawn are drawn to Wardens and that is why they are here," Bifferd explained

"How do you know that?"

"My uncle is an Orlesian Warden, remember."

Another loud crash broke against the door and this time the sound of splintering wood could be heard.

"As fascinating as your family history is, Biff, I don't believe now is the time to chronicle your lineage," Anders said as he began to back away towards the far end of the throne room. Both of the Templars followed his lead as they headed out of the room and down a long corridor. Near the end, Anders could see a body on the ground as they got closer he saw that it was a mage. From the gash in the girl's side he didn't think she was alive, but he knelt down and examined her. It was as he thought, she had bled out. As Anders stood, he grabbed her staff, but was halted when he felt a strong arm grasp his arm.

"What do you think you're doing, Mage?" Nigel asked.

"I'm grabbing a weapon so that I can help fight off the darkspawn," Anders replied.

The Templar was about to grab the staff out of his hand when there was a loud snarl from behind them. They turned to see six darkspawn including one carrying a staff advancing toward them.

"Aaah, it might be a good idea to let him keep it for now," Bifferd said as they rushed out of the corridor and into a large room with the darkspawn right on their heels.

Anders spun and immediately began to cast spells at that darkspawn mage. If they were going to have a chance in the Void of winning this battle, he knew that monster needed to be dealt with first. Anders threw up a repulsion graph to keep the other darkspawn off of him while he dealt with his darkspawn counterpart.

The emissary was strong, but Anders could tell that it was weakening and that it didn't have the ability to heal itself. Once it was drained of its mana, Anders froze it and then quickly dispensed of it. He spun to face the rest of the room. Nigel was already down, but so were three other darkspawn. However, that still left two more that were advancing on Bifferd.

Anders threw up a protective barrier around the knight and then began casting spells at the hurlock and genlock. He had just taken down the genlock when the barrier fell. Anders saw that the Hurlock had made its way behind the Templar and was in a position to strike as the protective wall came down.

Anders yelled out a warning, but it was too late. The Hurlock drove his sword through the knight's back. Blood oozed out of Bifferd's mouth as he collapsed to his knees. He made a gurgling, raspy sound as the darkspawn moved up behind him; the monster raised its sword then swung low and hard, removing the templar's head.

Anders didn't waste any time. He froze the Hurlock in place then he cast a walking bomb before he began to cast fireballs at it. Just as the beast had regained the ability to move the bomb went off, killing it instantly. From behind him the door burst open and Anders whirled around to face whatever new hell awaited him. Instead, his eyes widened as the most beautiful woman he had ever seen raced toward him. He doubted she would remember him since he had kept his hood up to conceal his identity, but he had never forgotten her. As a matter of fact, she had a reoccurring role in several of his fantasies.

Maker's arse, she was even more beautiful then he remembered, with all of that raven hair as it swirled around her face and those sapphire eyes that pierced right through him, literally sucking the breath right out of his chest.

"I didn't do it," he said.

_"Andraste's sweet tits, 'I didn't do it'! That was the best thing I could think of…I'm doomed," Anders thought._

She smiled at him, tilted her head slightly to the side and Anders felt his groin tighten immediately. What the fuck was wrong with him? It's not like this was the first gorgeous woman he had ever seen. Hell, he had bedded his fair share of beauties, so why was he reacting this way?

"Well that's a bloody shame. Now I don't know who to thank," her cool sultry voice washed over him and Anders groin hardened even more. Thank the Maker for loose robes.

"Oh, well for the darkspawn you can thank me. For the Templars you would need to raise the darkspawn from the dead if that is who you meant."

She grinned at him and her eyes danced with impish delight. "So I take it you won't be saying a few words at their memorial service."

"No, but I'll gladly set fire to their pyres though," Anders replied as he grinned back at her.

"So it's you that I owe my gratitude to for dispensing of this batch of darkspawn. What should I call you?"

"You may call me Anders, my dear lady. Obviously I'm a mage and sadly a wanted apostate."

"An apostate? Here at Vigil's Keep?" A dark haired woman asked as she stepped up behind the rogue.

The warrior was pretty, but beside the raven haired beauty she was a wallflower. However, if there was one thing Anders knew, it was women. Breathtakingly beautiful women were used to getting noticed by men even when another attractive woman was around, but if you wanted to get a beautiful woman's attention you had to ignore her…no matter how difficult that was. So Anders turned his attention to the warrior.

"You weren't here when I arrived, I'm sure I would have remembered a lovely lady such as yourself. You seem like the type of woman that leaves an impression on a man," Anders purred as he stepped forward looking into the warrior's eyes.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw the rogue do a double take at the woman behind her and he had to suppress a grin. The warrior coughed out of embarrassment then stuttered, "T-thank you."

"So the darkspawn killed the Templars. Isn't that convenient for you," the rouge stated, drawing his attention back to her.

Anders raised an eyebrow and grinned. "Isn't it though; the Maker works in mysterious ways. So my dear lady who are you exactly?"

The warrior spoke first. "I am Mhairi and this is Warden-Commander Josephine Cousland."

The rogue blushed as she said, "It's just Josie. That's what everyone calls me."

Humility was the last thing he had expected to find in someone so striking who also happened to be the Hero of Ferelden.

"Well, my dear Josie, it would appear that you have a darkspawn problem and since my captors are conveniently disposed of, I would be delighted to help you rid yourself of this infestation."

She smiled the most radiant smile back at him and his heart leapt in his chest. "Delighted might be a strong word, but I appreciate the help. I'll even throw in a cookie in for you, if you do an extra good job."

"A cookie, huh? Add some whipped cream and a cherry and I believe we have a deal," Anders said with grin as he imagined spreading whipped cream down her neck to valley between her breasts and licking the path clean.

She chuckled. "Are we negotiating?"  
>He grinned back at her, "Always!"<p>

"Well then I believe we have come to an agreement. We could use a mage. Are you any good at healing?"

"Am I good at healing? My dear lady, my healing abilities will make your toes curl."

"I don't need my toes to curl. I need a mage that can heal. So besides the ability to charm my recruits out of their smalls, will you be able heal the injured that have fallen here today?" The Commander asked as her features took on a hardened expression. It was as if she realized that she was enjoying their flirtation and she had to stop it immediately.

"Yes, Commander," Anders replied stunned by the sudden change in her mood.

"Good, then let's clear this Keep," she instructed.

If Anders had the gift of foresight he would have never made the offer to help no matter how beautiful the Commander was or how often he had fantasized about her. Now as he sat on his bed, dripping in sweat from the nightmare he had just woke up from, he wanted to kick himself for his stupidity. He was now a Grey Warden.

When he woke up this morning, he had thought about all the possibilities that the day might bring, but this wasn't one of the outcomes he had imagined. In his wildest dreams he never envisioned himself as a Warden, but here he was, blood now humming from the taint that flowed within. He ran his fingers through his long blond hair and let out a sigh. This is what happens when you think with the wrong head!

He had to admit that he admired the way Josie stood up to both Rylock and Queen Anora. It was apparent that there was some bad blood between the Commander and the Queen. He wasn't sure why, but he definitely wanted to find out the story behind it.

There was a knock at the door and Anders called out that the door was unlocked.

The door opened and Josie Cousland stood there with her hands behind her back. Now that all the blood and gore was cleaned off of her she looked even more beautiful. He wanted to know what it was like to kiss her, but how could that ever happen now that she was his Commanding Officer?

She smiled at him, "Can I come in?"

"It's your Keep, I'm pretty sure you can do whatever you want."

"I'm sure I might raise a few eyebrows if danced naked in the moonlight," Josie said with a grin.

"I'm pretty sure it would raise more than eyebrows," Anders chuckled.

As she sat down beside him on the bed and the scent of lavender, vanilla and spices inundated his scenes and it took all of his self-control to stop himself from leaning in to breathe her in even more deeply.

She gave him a knowing grin and he heard her snicker under her breath, he shook his head in defeat. All the progress he had made, his nonchalant attitude toward her, his flirting with Mhairi, were completely undone in seconds by her planting that visual of her in his head - Josie, in the moonlight, naked, dancing, Maker help him. She knew exactly what that comment would do. Damn she was good and that made him want her all the more.

"I wanted to stop by and see how you were feeling after the joining," she said.

"Should I feel special or will Oghren and Nathaniel also be receiving a visit from their Commanding Officer tonight," he asked.

"I will be visiting both of them too, but I won't be giving them this," Josie said as she pulled a plate from behind her back. Sitting in the center was a big chocolate chip cookie with whip cream, a cherry and a side of ice cream that was melting.

"I had Cook heat the cookie up a little so that the ice cream would melt some."

"Well, now I do feel special," Anders said as he stared at the gift.

"I was starving after my Joining. I had the biggest craving for something sweet, but there was nothing in the entire camp, not even an ounce of chocolate. Alistair had to hold me back to keep from storming into King Calian's tent demanding some chocolate." A sad smile briefly flickered across her face before she pushed the emotion down. "Anyways, earlier when you asked for a cookie with whip cream as part of your negotiating strategy…"

"Don't forget the cherry," Anders interrupted.

She smiled. "Of course, how could I forget the cherry? Anyways, I thought you might have a sweet tooth and knew this might help with that Warden craving."

"Thank you. That was very thoughtful of you. Will you share it with me?" He asked.

"Only if I can have the cherry," she cooed as an impish grin played across her lips. She…she was fantastic. He wondered exactly what she would be like in bed and couldn't wait to find out.

Anders picked up the cherry, dipped it in the whipped cream and held it out to her. She leaned forward slowly sucked it into her mouth, leisurely chewed it then swallowed it before she tantalizingly licked her lips. "Mmmm, that was good. I think you're going to enjoy your tasty treat," she purred as she stood up.

Anders gulped as he became instantly hard and once again he found himself at a loss for words.

"I'll leave you alone to take care of that yourself," she said with grin as her eyes dropped to his lap and he wasn't sure if she was referring to the cookie that was sitting there or his obvious erection.

When the door closed behind her, Anders fell back on his bed and groaned. Maker's arse, what was this woman doing to him? He had only known her for a few hours and she had completely unnerved him. After he took care of both the cookie and the erection, he fell into a restless sleep that was filled with darkspawn and a naked Josie fighting them.

The following morning he dragged himself down to the dining hall where he found both of the two other recruits that had passed their joining. "Good morning, how did you sleep?"

"Like a baby," Oghren grunted.

"Somehow, I doubt it's from clean living, dwarf," Nathaniel replied.

"You got that right. It was that bottle of fine Antivan brandy that the Commander gave me that put me out like a candle," Oghren chuckled.

"S-she gave you brandy," Anders stuttered now feeling like a complete arse. Had he imagined the whole thing in his head because he wanted her so badly? Had she honestly just come by to check on him and brought him something out of concern to help him get over his Joining, not because she wanted him?

"Yes, the Commander is like that. During the Blight she was always giving gifts to her companions. It was her way of letting us know she appreciates us putting our asses on the line for her."

Anders wanted to bang his head against the table for being such an idiot.

"Did she give you something, Howe?" Anders asked.

"Nothing edible, but she gave me letters from my sister…which is the least she could do after what she has done to my family," Nathaniel grunted, but then his expression softened as if conflicted. "But the letters were thoughtful and very typical of Jo. To me they were better than food although I was very hungry late last night."

Thank Andraste he hadn't made a move on her last night or he would feel even more like a bronto's behind.

"Get used to the hunger. Josie and the Pike Twirler…"

"Pike Twirler?" Anders and Nathaniel asked in unison.

"Alistair, the other Warden that traveled with us during the Blight," Oghren explained.

"And what happened to him?" Nathaniel asked.

"Well, you were in the Free Marshes so you probably haven't heard the stories or the Bards songs so I'll clue you in just to save your neck. You don't want to bring it up in front of the Commander. The long and short of it is, Alistair disagreed with her decision to conscript Loghain. He felt that Loghain betrayed the Wardens at Ostagar and deserved to die for that betrayal."

"Well, he kind of had a point," Nathaniel stated.

"Don't let Boss Lady hear you say that even if I do agree with you. However, she had a point too. Her instincts told her that it had to be a Warden that killed the Archdemon. At the time of the Landsmeet, there were only three Wardens in all of Ferelden. When Riordan suggested they make Loghain a Warden, Josie's eyes lit up. Making the bastard a Warden increased both hers and Alistair's chance of survival, but Alistair didn't see it like that. He saw her decision as a stab in the back and he walked out on her, the Wardens and Ferelden."

"Wait a minute! You're telling me that this man who fought by her side for a year deserted her and left her to face an Archdemon alone all because he disagreed with her decision?" Anders asked outraged.

"He didn't just fight by her side, he slept there too. He was her lover and her betrothed. The only reason I am telling you all this is because since then she hasn't been herself. One minute I see glimpses of the old Josie and the next she is this new angry, hardened Commander. Just be cautious around her and don't bring up Alistair's name."

Anders looked up and watched her as she ate her breakfast beside Varel. The two of them had their heads bowed in deep discussion about something. Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked up and once again Anders saw pain and sadness flicker across her beautiful face. The carefree girl that he had met in those dark woods months ago was gone. Anders immediately wanted to reach out to heal her, but he knew her wounds were beyond his magical abilities. However, as a man, as a friend and hopefully as a lover he knew he could heal her broken heart if she gave him a chance.

***A/N - A huge thank you to Jinx1983, Bonkzy and Mistress Vo for working their beta magic. I appreciate it, my friends. You rock!**


	2. Chapter 2 Die Another Day

**Chapter 2 – Die Another Day**

"I'm gonna break the cycle, I'm gonna shake up the system

I'm gonna destroy my ego, I'm gonna close my body now

I think I'll find another way, there's so much more to know

I guess I'll die another day, it's not my time to go

For every sin, I'll have to pay, I've come to work, I've come to play

I think I'll find another way, it's not my time to go

I'm gonna avoid the cliché, I'm gonna suspend my senses

I'm gonna delay my pleasure, I'm gonna close my body now

I guess, die another day, I guess I'll die another day

I guess, die another day, I guess I'll die another day

I think I'll find another way, there's so much more to know

I guess I'll die another day, it's not my time to go"

_Die Another Day by Madonna_

_Josie felt the cold stones pressed against her back as her hot blood poured out of her. The archdemon roared above her, but she had no strength to fight anymore, she had no strength to even care. Her vision began to blur as Alistair's image came to the forefront of her mind._

_"Well Love, looks like you are about to get your wish, I'm dying," Josie moaned._

_"Heal her, mage. I can't do this on my own." She heard Loghain order._

_Josie felt Wynne's caring hand gently touch her arm. "Josie, stay with me. It's going to be alright."_

_How in the Maker's name could she say that? Everything was far from alright! Nothing would ever be alright again!_

_Josie felt the warm tingle of healing magic course through her as the skin on her neck and chest began to knit back together, but Josie knew that Wynne was struggling to stem the flow of blood and the more it poured onto the cobblestone the more Josie's will to live diminished. Josie closed her eyes and she felt like she was floating on air. The pain was now distant, the noise muffled and she saw a bright light getting closer, drawing her in. For the first time in weeks she felt at peace, until a firm grip tightened around her shoulders, shaking her awake. Her eyes fluttered open and she stared into the furious gaze of Zevran._

_"Don't you leave me! Do you hear me, Josie? Don't you dare fucking leave me! You need to fight! Fight with all that you have!" He demanded of her and she did because if there was one person she didn't want to leave it was her best friend._

_Wynne cursed under her breath, a rare occurrence for the mage, as she demanded a bottle of lyrium. Seconds later she again felt the healing magic course through her and this time she felt it stay, not flow back out, but take hold and mend her body together._

_"I can't hold them off much longer. How long?" Loghain demanded._

_"Just a few more minutes," Wynne stated._

_"Woman, take a look around you. All hell is breaking loose, we'll be lucky to have a few seconds. I need her now!"_

_Josie weakly struggled upward and rested on her elbows. "Loghain, stop ordering Wynne around and get those men back on the ballistae," Josie commanded._

_Loghain glared at her, gave a curt nod, then began barking orders. The healing magic continued to wash over her and in a matter of minutes she was able to get to her feet with Zevran's assistance. The archdemon roared in pain as it staggered under the barrage of wounds that was being inflicted upon it and then it collapsed, alive, but severely injured._

_This was it, it was now or never. Josie looked around and saw a sword protruding out of a body. Without thinking, without hesitation, she charged for the blade. She heard Zevran's voice yelling for her, but she rushed forward, ripped the sword out of the body and continued to surge forward toward the demon. She screamed as she slid on her knees under the beast, burying the blade deep and slicing down its underside. The beast howled in agony as Josie slid to a stop and staggered to her feet._

_Both the beast and Warden were drawing in raspy breaths as Josie let out one last warrior cry and drove the blade into Urthemiel's heart. The archdemon bellowed loudly then collapsed as a bright light shot from him, lifting Josie off her feet and upwards. She felt agonizing heat score through her body, setting her blood on fire and a voice boomed in her head._

_"You are mine, I am yours, your powers are my powers and my powers are yours!"_

_Then a force stronger than anything she had ever felt blew her back against the stone wall and everything went black._

Josie jolted awake from the sound of a screaming voice, only to realize it was her screams that had woken her. Her door burst open and the silhouette of a man framed the doorway.

"J-josie… Commander," a breathless Anders called out. "Are you okay?"

"Yes… I'm f-fine," Josie stuttered as the mage advanced toward her. She inhaled deeply when she realized he was shirtless. She looked down at her exposed breasts and pulled the covers up around her neck.

"I heard you screaming," Anders said as he sat down on the edge of the bed. His eyes roamed over her bare shoulders.

"Nightmare," she murmured, unable to take her eyes off of his sculpted chest. How did a mage get a chest like that?

"That didn't sound like a typical Warden nightmare."

"It isn't. It's reserved for the privileged few that have killed an archdemon and lived to dream about it."

Anders reached out and took her hand in his. His thumb gently caressed the top of her hand sending shivers down her spine. "And how many have lived to dream about it?"

"Just me, I'm an anomaly."

"No other Warden has ever lived after killing an archdemon? That's amazing."

"Oh yes, Weisshaupt finds me very perplexing," Josie replied. She was not about to tell anyone about the Dark Ritual. As far as Weisshaupt was concerned, Josie was just as shocked to be alive as they were to have her alive.

"Do you have these nightmares often?"

"Yes…they were supposed to go away when the Blight ended, but they haven't. Another thing that makes me the exception to the rule," Josie said.

"I get the feeling that a woman such as yourself is used to bending the rules," Anders said with a smile so tender it melted her heart. His warm gaze made her want to lean into to him, to take comfort in him. There was something vaguely familiar about him... sitting here in the dark, listening to him speak... his voice was mesmerizing, drawing her in, but she fought her primal urge.

Anders was dangerous. Not to her physical being, but to her mental and emotional one. He was charming, alluring and there was some kind of weird sexual chemistry going on between them that was drawing her to him, but she could never act on it. And not just because she was his Commanding Officer, but because she was damaged… damaged beyond repair and she would be no good for him.

She withdrew her hand from his and leaned back against her pillows that were propped up against the wall. Anders took this as his queue that their conversation was over and he stood up to leave. He smiled warmly down at her again making her ache to be held by him.

"Well, my room is right next door. As a matter of fact my bed is up against the same wall as yours," Anders stated. Josie turned around and glanced at the wall. Well, that couldn't be a good thing.

"The walls in this Keep are surprisingly thin. That is how your screaming woke me up. So if you ever need anything… anything at all, I'm just a knock away," Anders said as a clever grin played on his lips.

Josie felt her cheeks flush as she made a mental note to be extra quiet during _private time_.

"I'll be fine, but thanks for the offer," she said coolly.

Anders nodded as he continued to grin at her then he turned and left her room, closing the door behind him. Josie slid underneath the covers and tried not think about Anders close proximity to her bed.

**xxXxx**

Josie had realized a long time ago that if you wanted something done right you had to do it yourself. After being sent on a wild goose chase by Anders's _friend_Namaya and nearly killed by that unstable Templar Rylock while trying to recover Anders' phylactery, Josie knew it was time to take things into her own hands. So here she was in a back room at the Randy Stag with Anders leaning back on the bed as his eyes roamed her body, making her flesh heat up and her stomach flip.

"You know Sweetheart, if you wanted to get me into bed there are less expensive ways of doing it?"

"Keep your knickers on, Loverboy. We may be here for you, but I'm not here for you."

"Oh really, then why choose a brothel for this meeting? Why not some sleazy bar down by the docks? I believe it's because you want to make me your dirty little secret."

Josie rolled her eyes. "Do women really drop their panties for you with cheesy lines like that?"

Anders eyes darkened as a sly grin spread across his face. "No, it's my many other talents that have them lifting their skirts for me."

Before Josie could reply there was a knock at the door. Josie gripped the pommel of her sword as she walked over to the door. "Who is it?"

"It's me, Commander."

Josie opened the door and Ser Cullen walked in. He was wearing civilian clothes and Josie had to admit that out of his Templar uniform he was an impressive and very handsome man.

"It's good to see you again, Josie," Cullen said as he stepped into the room, closed the door behind him and then embraced her.

"You are looking well, Cullen…"

"A bloody Templar! You brought a bloody Templar! This is your brilliant plan," Anders shouted as he leapt to his feet.

Josie spun as she reigned in her anger. "Warden Anders, shut up, sit down and learn a thing or two or you can leave this room immediately."

Anders staggered back a little under the weight of her stare, but he took a seat back on the bed.

"I'm sorry about that Cullen, but you can understand my Warden's uneasiness about asking a Templar for help."

Cullen looked over her shoulder at Anders and smiled. "Especially that particular Warden, Anders was never on good terms with the Circle."

"So you can see why I need to get my hands on his phylactery. I have already had to deal with one rogue Templar that came after him. I need to be able to protect him from other templars that might have a vendetta against him."

"You are good to your Wardens, Commander and if I hadn't already taken my vows I would have loved to serve under you," Cullen said.

"Yeah, I'm sure he would," Anders muttered sarcastically.

Ignoring the mage behind them, Cullen continued. "Your information wasn't entirely inaccurate. Anders phylactery is here in Amaranthine. The Circle moved it here during the Blight and they have yet to move them back to the tower. It's in a warehouse down by the docks. I wrote the address down for you."

Cullen handed Josie a piece of paper and she looked at the address then threw it into the fire. "Thank you, Cullen. I really appreciate your help."

"Anything for you, Josie, you saved my life and your advice and counsel saved my soul."

"We all feel lost at times, Cullen. I'm glad I was there to help you through a very difficult time in your life and if I recall I wasn't the only one doing the saving," Josie said with sly smile.

Cullen chuckled. "Yes, I believed we saved each other."

"I'm sorry to cut this short, but I do believe I have date with a warehouse tonight."

"Be careful, Josie. There won't be many guards because they won't want to draw attention to themselves, but there will be a few Templars there, so you may want to take someone other than a mage as backup."

"Thank you for the warning. The room is yours for the night, Cullen and I do believe Madame Katrina has a lovely beauty picked out of you."

Cullen blushed that shy Templar blush that Josie knew so well and pain shot through her heart.

"You didn't have to do that, Josie."

Josie hugged him as she chuckled. "If I recall, all work and no play, makes Cullen a very dull boy."

He returned the hug. "Thanks and take care, Josie."

He pulled away and nodded his head towards Anders. "And be careful of that one, he has quite the reputation as being a notorious playboy."

"Aaah, glad to see my status as an outstanding lover has made to it to the attention of the Templars," Anders stated.

"I didn't use the word outstanding," Cullen corrected as he pulled Josie to the side and out of Anders earshot.

"Josie, I know that you have been through a lot recently and for that reason I must warn you. Anders is charming and charismatic. It's what makes him so alluring, but I've never seen or heard of him staying with one person for very long. I worry that if you were to become involved with him, he will only break your heart."

"Thank you, Cullen for your concern, but I have no intention of becoming involved with someone under my command. My concern for his phylactery is because I don't want him looking over his shoulder for Templars every time we leave the Keep."

"As a friend, I just thought I should warn you."

"And I appreciate it. Take care."

"You too, Josie."

They headed out into the dark alley toward the docks. "I can't believe that you are working with Templars, Commander."

Josie spun on her heels to face him. "I will work with anyone that will further my cause. That is something you need to learn and accept about me. And if Cullen's information is correct then that Templar just helped us obtain your phylactery. You should be grateful."

"Grateful? I should be grateful to get back something that they had no right to take in the first place?"

"Yes, because Cullen isn't the person that took your blood, but he is the one helping you get it back," Josie replied.

"So what was that bit about you saving his life and soul? That was a just a little over the top and that's saying something coming from me."

"When the tower fell, the mages held him in a prison where desire demons tempted in all manners. He had managed to fend them off, but by the time that I had got to him his strength was weaning. Once I defeated Uldred the prison broke, but the mental damage had been done. The next time I saw him was in Denerim at that celebration and the man was at a serious crossroads both spiritually and emotionally. After saving his life he trusted me and he confided in me. I helped him past that rough time in his life."

"When you say _helped,_did that help include him sleeping with you?"

"You know Anders, a man and a woman can be just friends without sleeping together."

"No they can't… well maybe a woman can, but a man can't if he finds a woman attractive. If the man is a heterosexual and he finds a woman attractive he may pretend to be her friend, but he is always thinking about what it would be like to sleep with her. But you avoided my question, did you sleep with him?"

"My sex life is none of your business."

Anders grinned at her. "So you did sleep with him."

"Look, Cullen is a good man, a good Templar who is trying to help you," Josie retorted.

"No, he is trying to help himself back into your panties by helping me in order to impress you," Anders countered.

"Not everyone has ulterior motives, Anders. I'm helping you and I have no desire to get into your smalls."

He grinned at her. "Oh really? So why were your eyes wondering over my bare chest that night I woke you from a nightmare?"

"I can admire beauty without indulging in it," Josie replied nonchalantly.

He continued to smile at her. "You think I'm beautiful?"

"You know you're gorgeous and you don't need me to tell you that."

"I might not need you to tell me, but it feels good hearing it from your lips," Anders purred.

They stood at the entrance to the alley that housed the warehouse. Josie paused and turned to him. "You know what else feels good," she purred as she stared up into his big honey brown eyes.

Anders unconsciously licked his lips as he began to lean into her. "No, tell me," he said breathlessly.

"Inflicting pain on a few Templars. Now, just follow my lead and don't ask any questions. Let's just take a leisurely stroll down this alley so I can survey the place," Josie purred.

"I love the way you say, 'inflicting pain on a few templars'. Makes me all warm and tingly inside," Anders said as she slid her arm through his and the two of them walked into the alley.

As they neared the address of the warehouse, Josie could see one guard standing outside the door. He immediately became alert as he watched them approach.

Josie stumbled and Anders grabbed her arm to steady her. His eyes furrowed as he looked at her. "Are you okay?" He whispered.

She giggled and slapped his arm. "A-anders you're so bad," she slurred.

"Oh sweetheart, you have no idea how bad I can be," Anders stated going along with her charade.

The guard advanced down the stairs and began to head toward them.

Josie stopped, turned toward him and smiled her most seductive smile. Anders own grin faltered under her gaze. "Oh, I have a p-pretty good idea and let's just say as good as you think you are; I'm much better."

The guard kept heading towards them. Josie eased her hand that was hidden from the guard's view toward her dagger, but Anders grabbed her wrist stopping her. He slipped his other hand around her neck and pulled her to him. His lips crushed down on hers, she cried out in surprise, but as his experienced lips began to move against hers, her body relaxed and pressed into his. His hand released her wrist and slid around her waist, pulling her even tighter against his body. He felt so strong, so muscular…and so hard. She pulled away in shock. She couldn't believe that a playboy such as Anders would be that affected by a kiss.

She stared at him and saw hunger and desire burning in his eyes. She also saw the guard standing only a few feet away watching them intently. Josie leapt back into Anders' arms, once again his lips crashed against hers as his tongue hungrily pushed past her lips. This was no gentle kiss, Anders was staking a claim, letting her know loud and clear that he wanted her as he explored her mouth.

Against her consent, her body betrayed her as her blood rushed through her veins spreading heat and desire. Her nipples tightened as the heat between her legs intensified. This wasn't real, this wasn't happening. They were only pretending.

"Maker, I want you," Anders groaned against her lips.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the guard smile as he turned to walk away, Josie spun out of Anders grasp, she pulled her dagger out and brought the pommel down against the guard's temple and he crumbled to the ground.

"That was amazing," Anders sighed.

She looked up at him questioningly and saw unquenched desire still in his eyes.

He saw her curious expression and quickly added. "That whole pommel thing, that was amazing."

"Nice distraction," Josie replied trying to cover up how that damn kissed had nearly been her undoing.

"Yeah, I do my best work under pressure," Anders chuckled.

"I'll have to keep that in mind," Josie said with a grin.

She leaned over the guard and using her dagger cut a long strip of cloth from his jacket.

"What are you doing?" Anders asked.

"I'm going to bind his hands and gag him so that he can't warn anyone in the warehouse," Josie explained.

"Oh…good idea."

"I'm full of good ideas."

"I'm beginning to see that."

They moved the unconscious bound guard further down the alleyway and hid his body behind some old crates.

She then turned to him. "Do have any experience with a blade?"

"Some…I'm no expert, but I can handle myself. Why?"

"There is a good chance that there are Templars in there. I want to hold off using magic for as long as possible. I will handle the majority of them, but I will need you to distract a few of them for me. Once most of them are down, then you can begin casting spells."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Are you proficient with single or dual weapons?"

"A sword," Anders replied.

She handed him her sword. "Josie, you're a duel weapons fighter. This will put you at a distinct disadvantage and you're our best chance of getting us out alive without magic."

Josie just smiled and shook her head. "Oh ye of little faith," she chuckled as she reached into her boot and pulled out a hidden dagger. "Always come prepared."

Josie slid the door to the warehouse open and they entered the dimly lit room. There were crates stacked up from floor to ceiling, creating a narrow path for them to follow. They cautiously eased through the passageway. Cullen had been right, they didn't come across one guard or Templar until they came to the end of the passage where two Templars stood guard at a doorway.

She turned to Anders, "You stay here. Don't make a move until you see me make one. Understand?"

Anders nodded. "What are you going to be doing?"

Josie smiled as she pulled her hair out of the ponytail and let it fall around her face. She used her fingers to fluff it up. She removed her armor vest then unbuttoned the top buttons her shirt and pushed her breasts up so that the mounds were visible. She pulled her shirt out of her pants, unbuttoned the bottom three ones. She pulled the shirt up and tied it under her breasts.

Anders eyes were wide when she turned to face him and she grinned. "That is the reaction that I was hoping for," she whispered.

"Do you have a thing for Templars? I would be more than willing to dress up as one and role play with you."

"Tempting, but no," Josie said dryly as she slid her daggers in the waist of her pants on her back. She let the tail of the shirt hang down trying to conceal the weapons as best as she could.

Josie drew in a deep breath and then stepped out of the shadows and into the light. "Hello boys," she purred.

Both of the Templars drew their swords, but as she came into full view both of their mouths dropped in unison. She strolled over to them, her hips swaying back and forth. "S-stop!" The short Templar with red hair stuttered.

Josie stopped and held up her hands, indicating that she was defenseless.

"Who are you?" The taller Templar demanded even as his eyes continued to roam over her body.

Josie smiled. "I'm a surprise present from Knight-Captain Owens."

"A present? For what?"

"He said that the two of you have been working long hours and getting very little rest. He wanted to show you his appreciation for your dedication."

"Why wouldn't he mention this?" The red head asked.

"Why that would ruin the surprise, silly," Josie said in a sweet voice.

"This could be a set-up," the taller Templar stated.

Josie giggled. "You boys have nothing to fear from little ole me. I wouldn't hurt you…unless you want me too. I'm always up for a round of 'spank the Templar'."

The red head's eyes widened. "Come on, Sal. Why do you always have to be such a stick in the mud? You don't want to hurt this sweet thing's feelings now, do you?"

Josie tossed her hair back and sauntered over to the tall Templar. She ran her hands down his arm. She gripped his bicep and let a little moan escape her lips. "Oh my Sal, what big strong muscles you have?" Her hand slipped down to his hip. "What else do you have that is big?"

The tall Templar was still hesitant. So Josie lifted her hands up to her breast and grinned. "Maybe this will persuade you," she cooed as pretended to be pulling down the top of her breast band. Instead she reached inside, grabbed a flask of Chameleon Cloud and dropped it. As the haze of smoke filled the room Josie pivoted on her right foot as she swung her left around, delivering a powerful kick to Sal's side, forcing the Templar to stumble. Josie rolled behind the tall man and brought the pommel of her dagger down against the side of the man's head. The Templar collapsed to the ground.

"Hey what in the Void happened?" The red head called out through the fog giving Josie his exact location. Josie shifted into the shadows, she reappeared behind him, she wrapped her arm around his neck and squeezed. Using all of his weight the Templar slammed her back against the wall, but she managed to hold on and continued to squeeze. He slammed her again and her breath went out of her lungs.

"A-anders, now would be a good time to jump in," she choked out.

"Oh, you actually want my help," Anders said as he strolled up to them and froze the Templar in place.

"I told you to make a move when I made a move," Josie panted trying to catch her breath.

"Well, I didn't want to cast a spell into the haze and accidently hit you. Besides, you looked like you were handling it perfectly fine on your own."

"Yes, except for having the air beat out of my lungs, it was all under control," Josie replied sarcastically as she bent down, pulled out her dagger and began to cut away material from their skirts to gag and bind them. Together, they moved them behind some crates.

They opened the door and found a set of stairs that descended into a basement. The cautiously made their way down the stairs and followed a narrow dimly lit corridor to another door. Josie tried it, but it was locked. She pulled her lockpick out of her breast band and went to work on the lock.

Anders looked over her shoulder and down at her chest. "Anything else you have in there? Maybe a bottle of brandy, baby bronto or a pot of gold."

"Nope, just my breasts," Josie replied.

"And will you be pulling those out any time soon?"

"I'm sure you would like that, but no they aren't on the agenda tonight."

"How about tomorrow night? I'm sure I could free up some time and quill you in," Anders chuckled just as the lock clicked open.

The door swung open into a pitch black room. "Anders, grab a torch from the wall."

When they entered, Josie heard the air literally sucked out of Anders as they stared at the rows and rows of phylacteries. "Maker's breath, that is a lot of blood," Anders sighed.

Josie walked up to the first row. She picked up a vial and looked at it. On the label it read /Ferelden/Bloomingtide, Fourth day of the Twenty-ninth Year of the Dragon Age. She picked up the next vial. It read /Nevarra/Kingsway, Twenty-fifth day of the Thirtieth-eighth Year of the Dragon Age.

"Anders, these are all alphabetical. What is your last name?"

"I don't have one," he replied.

She turned and looked at him. "You don't have a last name?"

He smiled tenderly at her. "No, not that I remember, I was young when I was taken from my family and brought to Ferelden. Anders was actually a nickname because I was from Anderfels. "

"What is your real name?"

He grinned at her, "That my dear lady is privileged information."

"And what do I have to do to earn the privilege for the information?"

Anders just gave her a lopsided grin as he continued to scan the phylactery names. "So you're telling me that all the women you have slept with know your first name?"

"No of course not… wouldn't be too privileged if that was all it took."

"Well, what then?"

"You have to win my heart," Anders purred in her ear as he walked by her.

"And how many women have won your heart?"

"None."

She must have been giving him a sad expression. "Don't look at me like that. I don't need your sympathy. Love is a luxury that mages can't afford."

"Everyone needs to love and feel loved, Anders."

"Oh, don't you worry, I get plenty of lovin'."

"That isn't what I meant and you… Anders, I found it!" Josie exclaimed as pulled the vial out of its holder. The label read, Anders/ Anderfels/ Drakonis, Tenth day of the Seventeenth Year of the Dragon Age.

She handed it to Anders and watched his fingers tremble as he took it from her. He stared at it for the longest time before a huge smile spread across his face. "I'm free…" he sighed.

He grabbed her in his arms and swung her around. "I'm free, Josie! I'm really free!"

"So does that mean that in the near future I will find your bed at the Keep empty?"

He grinned at her. "Maybe… I might be in your bed keeping you warm."

"Maker, give me patience," Jose muttered as she headed for the door. "We need to go Anders, before someone comes to check on these guards."

They exited the building and Josie headed down to the beach. She took Anders' phylactery, opened it up, bent down and submerged it into the water. The blood slowly seeped out and diluted with the sea water. When the vial was completely clean, Josie replaced the cork and handed it to Anders.

He took the phylactery, set it in the sand and then cast a fireball at it. When the blaze died out the label that held his name was burned off. He reached down and picked it up. "I want you to keep this. Something to remind you that you once helped free a mage."

He stepped into her and pulled her to him. He leaned down, but Josie touched his lips with her fingers. He paused and looked at her. "Look Anders, what happened before was just part of the distraction."

Anders stared into her eyes for a long moment then said, "No it wasn't Jo, I could feel that you wanted me and it was no secret that I wanted you."

Josie stepped out of his embrace. "I'm sorry, Anders, but I'm not into having meaningless sex just because I'm attracted to you."

Anders lips turned up into seductive grin. "Who said sex between us would be meaningless?"

"I do, because I'm broken beyond even your ability to heal." She spun on her heels and headed back up the beach. "We need to get back before the others worry."

She could feel his eyes on her as they made their way back to the inn. She knew he wanted to talk, but she wasn't up for some emotional rehashing of her doomed relationship with Alistair. Not to mention, just saying his name still made her heart ache and her blood boil at the same time.

As Josie made her way through the front door of the inn, Nathaniel rose from a chair near the fireplace. "Josie, can I talk to you for a moment?"

"I'm really tired, Nate and in no mood to have another verbal sparring match with you," Josie retorted.

Nathaniel shook his head. "No, I don't want to fight with you either. I just want to talk, please have a seat and let me explain."

"Fine," Josie conceded. She looked over at Anders. "I'll see you in the morning bright and early. We will be heading back to Vigil's Keep."

Anders nodded as he headed up to his room and Josie took a seat across from the man that had been her dearest childhood friend.

"Jo, I owe you an apology. I had dinner with Delilah and she explained everything to me… about how my father had become a cruel, vicious killer that was driven by his crazy ambition… I can't believe he murdered your family, Josie. I-I knew he was jealous of your father, but I never thought it would led him to… to do what he did."

"Nate, you always wanted to see the best in your father and you always made excuse for his behavior…"

"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did! When he beat the shit out of you and then out of me for putting itching powder in his boot, you made excuses for his out of control behavior and then begged me not to tell Fergus or my father… If I had… If I had told them that the Arl had used a riding crop on me, on a Teyrn's daughter… my family might still be alive."

"Come on, Josie that's a far stretch."

"Your father was out of control, Nate and you knew it. That is why you knocked him out with that horseshoe. You knew your father was going to kill me. I can only imagine the beating you endured when he came too, but if my father had known, he would have gone to the king…"

"And my family would have lost everything."

"They still lost everything, Nate, but maybe my family would be alive."

"That is a lot of maybes and what ifs, Josie, even for you."

"You didn't see the raped and broken body of your sister-in-law. You didn't see your nephew's throat cut from ear to ear, you didn't see your father sliced open by a man he called friend and left to die. I did! So I can speculate all I want!"

She breathed in deep, trying to collect herself. The events of tonight had her emotions running out of control. She looked over at Nathaniel who looked like someone had just punched him in the stomach, but at this point she was beyond caring. She stood up, ready to be done with this conversation. "If this is your idea of an apology, Nate, then you really need to work on your social skills, but I'm done. Good-night."

With that she spun on her heels leaving Nathaniel to ponder the extent of Rendon Howe's betrayal.

* * *

><p><strong>AN - ****Thank you to everyone that has added this story to their fav and alert lists.I appreciate the support. **

***I normally try to reply to everyone that takes the time to review, but I have been swamped at work and was unable to do so for this chapter, so a big shout out to Stobbzzwife and Suilven for sharing their thoughts with me. I really appreciate it!**

***Huge hug to the betalicious Bonzy for working on this chapter even though she was sick. You're a real trooper, my friend. Here is Anders' cookie…with ice cream, whip topping and don't forget the cherry. **

***Also, a huge thank you to the asstastic Jinxy for being a guest beta on this chapter. I love your magical touch. **


	3. Chapter 3 Take Me With U

Chapter 3 – Take Me With U

"I can't disguise the pounding of my heart, it beats so strong  
>It's in your eyes what can I say, they turn me on<br>I don't care where we go, I don't care what we do  
>I don't care pretty baby, just take me with u<br>Come on and touch the place in me, that's calling out your name  
>We want each other oh so much, why must we play this game?<br>I don't care where we go, I don't care what we do  
>I don't care pretty baby, just take me with u<br>I don't care if we spend the night at your mansion, I don't care if we spend the night on the town  
>All I want is 2 spend the night together, all I want is 2 spend the night in your arms<br>To be around u is so-oh right, you're sheer perfection (thank u)  
>Drive me crazy, drive me all night, just don't break up the connection"<p>

Take Me With U by Prince

They had been back from Amaranthine for two weeks and Anders hadn't been able to get that night with Josie out of his mind. There had been such an underlying sadness in her, but at times he saw the remnants of a once carefree girl. Her eyes had sparkled with impish delight when they had started down that alley way, and there was a playfulness in her, that up until point he had not seen before. It intrigued him and captivated him. He wanted to see that side of her even more. He couldn't explain why, but he wanted to be the one that drew that out of her, the one to make her eyes dance with mischief, the one to make her smile and laugh and wash away the pain from her past.

He had hid on the stairs in the inn and heard her describe what Howe's father had done to her and her family. The man had been a monster and had deserved to die, but even though his death had come at her hands Anders, could still hear the underlying pain there and he ached to take her in his arms so that he could comfort her.

That wasn't the only thing he ached to do. The image of her with her shirt tied up revealing her mouthwatering toned stomach, her cinched waist and those curved hips made an appearance every night in his dreams. And her breasts… the way those full, round swells had peeked out at the top of her shirt, taunting him, teasing him… the memory was burned into his mind and he yearned to explore every inch of her entire body.

He thought about the way she felt in his arms, the feel of her soft lips, the sweet honey taste of her mouth that had nearly driven him crazy with lust and the way his body instantly reacted to her, shocking both of them. There was something about her that was drawing him to her, he couldn't fight it and even though it unnerved him, he wasn't even sure he wanted to. However, she was fighting the attraction they had for each other and he didn't know how to break down the walls that she had constructed, but he knew he had to find a way. When she had told him that she couldn't be with him because she was too damaged, his heart broke for her.

When they had returned from Amaranthine to the Keep, she had begun to train with him in the sparring ring. She believed since magic could be dispelled every mage needed to know how to defend themselves and she had taken a personal interest in his training, practicing with him several times a week. She was a magnificent fighter so quick and agile and his mind would often wonder as he thought about manipulating her flexible body in other ways. This line of think frequently ended with him landing on his back staring up at the end of her blade. She would grin down at him, tap his head and snicker, "You're dead."

Every time he had to fight the urge to grab her, pull her down on top of him and claim those pouty lips of hers again.

Tonight he once again was lying on his bed in the dark thinking, fantasizing and dreaming about her. She had been gone for the past three days rescuing some nobleman's daughter and tracking down some lead in Amaranthine about a missing Warden. The Keep wasn't the same without her and he quickly realized how much he missed her presence. He had only known her for a few weeks, so how could she be having this kind of effect on him?

Anders heard a noise outside his door. He turned and saw the shadow of a pair of boots between the gap at the bottom of the door. The shadow paused briefly before continuing on down the hall. He heard Josie's door open then close and the loud clang of equipment hitting the floor. He smiled. She was back.

A few minutes later he heard her fall into the bed as she gave a low sigh of exhaustion… or maybe it was frustration. He had found it a bit shocking, yet very alluring that she slept in the nude. He imaged her lying there naked under her covers. Her raven hair fanned out on her pillow, her shapely legs stretched out and her nipples taut from the cool air. His groin immediately tightened at the thought of her breasts pressed against his bare chest, her legs wrapped around his waist.

He heard her groan. His head whipped back and stared at the wall. Was she hurt? Did she need healing? He paused and listened. A few seconds later she moaned again… that didn't sound like a whimper of pain, but one of pleasure. Anders eyes went wide as he sat up in bed. Who was she with? He leaned toward the wall waiting to hear the rustle of sheets, the sound of her lover's voice, but nothing came except for another stifled whine of pleasure… was she alone? Was she touching herself?

The image of her soft fingers sliding between her legs shot a current of desire so strong through his body that he moaned along with her as he slid down into his bed. His erection pushed against his smalls, begging to be released. He rubbed his hand over the bulge that was now pressing against the covers trying to ease some of the pressure.

Josie moaned again. However, this time she said something, but it was too low for him make out. He concentrated on the sweet sound of her pleasure as his hand slip under the covers and pushed his smalls down. He rubbed his palm slowly down his shaft then gripped himself on the upstroke. She moaned again and he could have sworn she said his name. He waited, but she said nothing else. It had to have been his imagination.

Anders hips twitched and shuddered as he thought about his name falling from her quivering, red lips as she kissed and bit at his earlobe. "Anders, oh Maker, yessss, Anders."

Anders pictured himself kissing her soft supple breasts. He moaned as he stroked downward. Josie whispering dirty things in his ear as his fingers slid into her and he hissed as his palm glided upward. He kissed a pathway down her stomach to the juncture between her legs and licked at the sweet nectar. Anders bite down on his lip as his other hand cradled the weights between his legs and his hips bucked.

There was a thud against the wall behind him. It sounded like a hand hitting the partition and this time he did hear her muffled moan as cried out his name, "Anders."

He pressed his hand against the wall as he groaned, "J-josie."

His hand quickened its pace as he fantasized about entering her, sinking all of the way into her hot core. He pulled back and then thrust into her again and again. She moaned against his throat as she clung to him, legs wrapped around his waist taking him in even deeper, perspiration appeared on their foreheads as both of their bodies went rigid. Josie arched her back at the same time he did.

Anders gasped her name as she cried out his and they came together. Anders fell back against the bed panting, astounded by what had just happened. He rolled over and touched the wall that separated them and wondered if she was doing the same. He wanted to go to her, but he decided it would be best to wait to talk to her tomorrow.

He was up bright and early the next morning, he took a nice long bath, shaved and was in the dining hall a half an hour before the other Wardens arrived, but he was disappointed when Josie didn't make an appearance.

"Where is the Commander?" Anders asked.

"She is talking with Varel and Voldrik about a breach in the sub-basement that leads to the Deep Roads. That is how the darkspawn overran the Keep," Nathaniel explained.

"The Deep Roads lead here?" Anders questioned.

"Oh, the Deep Roads run under all of Thedas, but most of the entrances have been closed for ages," Oghren stated.

"Josie, didn't look pleased when I saw her," Nathaniel said.

"She wouldn't. Ever since she found out how they create broodmothers, the Commander has hated the Deep Roads," Oghren explained.

"And how do they make brood mothers?" Nathaniel asked.

"They are created by force-feeding darkspawn tissue on females of the humanoid races. If he female survives she then starts to mutate and develops cannibalistic urges. She devours massive amounts of flesh and grows into a broodmother," Oghren stated matter-of-factly.

"That's disgusting!" Nathaniel exclaimed.

"Well, if you found it a pleasing prospect I would be worried about you," Oghren stated just as Josie walked into the room. She looked as white a ghost.

"So I'm sure the idea of an entrance being located in her Keep is a little unsettling," Nathaniel stated.

"Is a bronto's arse hairy?" Oghren questioned.

"I'm assuming that's a rhetorical question," Josie said as she approached the table.

"So Boss Lady, I hear we're maybe venturing down into Deep Roads," Oghren said.

"It looks that way, so eat a hearty breakfast boys," she said then turned to walk toward the kitchen never once making eye contact with him.

Anders knew he hadn't imagined that whole scenario last night. He knew he had heard her calling his name. He hadn't expected her to come down and leap into his arms, however he had expected her to make some kind of sly acknowledgment… a wink, a covert touch, a knowing smile, but she did none of those things.

As they fought their way through spirits, ghouls and darkspawn Josie's mood was upbeat. She interacted with all of them, making jokes and telling stories, but she showed all of her Wardens the same amount of attention. It… she was frustrating. Anders had never met a woman that vexed him so completely and left him shamelessly lusting for more.

When they returned to the surface she retired to her room early claiming she was exhausted. Anders too headed to bed early and as he laid on his bed her heard her again. Touching herself and calling his name and it didn't take long listening to her pleasure before he joined her, but the next morning it was back to business as usual as she pretended that nothing had happened the night before. This continued on for the next two weeks until Anders was nearly driven mad from want and desire for her. Not to mention he was constantly healing the soreness in his hand and wrist.

"Good morning," Anders said as he approached her in her study.

"Good morning, Anders."

"So is that how this is going to be between us; you treat me indifferently during the day and at night get off listening to me pleasuring myself while I listen to you."

Josie smiled that radiant smile of hers that always made his heart stop. "I have no idea what you're talking about Anders."

"Don't! Don't do that! You know damn well what I'm talking about, Josie! Aren't you tired of fantasizing about what it's like to be with me, don't you want to experience the real thing? Because I do, Jo, I want to hear your sweet moans and cries, but I want to be in the room with you making you cum. I want you so badly and I know you want me. I hear you calling my name every night."

Anders grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her to him. "Please, please end this torture for both of us, Phine."

"I-I do want you Anders… but I can't… I can't be with you."

"What are you afraid of?"

"You… of giving into this hunger that I have you… and having my heart broken again. I just can't go through that again."

"Josie, you can't go through this life alone. You have to allow someone in and let them help you heal. I want to be that person. I'm begging you to let me be that person."

Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked up at him. "Some wounds can't be healed."

"I know you've been hurt. I know that Alistair deeply wounded you…"

At the mention of his name her face contorted in pain as she pulled out of his embrace. "You know nothing! How dare you presume to know anything about my pain or what I have been through?"

"Josie, please…" Anders said as he reached for her but she stepped back out of his reach.

"Leave Anders," she ordered.

"Josie, give me a chance."

"No," she stated as she turned her back on him to survey a map.

Anders let out a deep sigh as headed out the study. That night her room was silent. Anders touched the wall that divided more than just their rooms. He ached for her and not just physically. He wanted to hold her, comfort her and give her the solace that she was so desperately seeking. If she would just trust him, just let him in, he knew he would be good for her, he knew he could bring back the carefree girl that he had seen glimpses of.

Over the next month, Josie worked tirelessly to unravel the mystery of the Architect. There were numerous nights that he would walk by her study to find her hunched over her desk asleep. He would go in, stoke the fire and place a blanket around her shoulders. Their relationship during the day remained the same. She talked with him, listened to his stories, joked around, laughed and at times flirted with him, but she did this with everyone so he didn't make anything of it anymore. At night, their rooms remained quiet and he felt the distance growing between them. He couldn't believe that just the mention of the bastard prince's name and she had completely shut him out.

Anders lay on his bed staring at the ceiling completely discouraged. He wanted to make things better between them, he wanted to be with her, and he wanted to love her as he had never loved anyone before, but he was at a loss at how to have her open up to him. There was a knock at the door. He remained motionless on his bed as he called out that it was open.

"Hi," her cool sultry voice said from the doorway. "Do you mind if I come in?"

Anders sat up. "No of course not."

"I have something for you," she said as walked over to him with her hands behind her back.

He raised a questioning eyebrow then he heard the mew of a kitten. Josie pulled her hand from behind her back and handed him a tawny colored fur ball. He looked at the gift that she was giving him and then back up at her.

She grinned at him. "You said you wanted a pussy to pet so I got you one."

Anders roared with laughter as he stood, took the kitten from her and shook his head. "Jo, I swear you're killing me."

"That isn't my intention," she purred innocently as she looked up at him with those big blue eyes that he could drown in. "When you told me the story of Mr. Wiggums you seemed really attached to that cat… well up until it became possessed. When I saw this kitten in the courtyard I thought of you and thought you might enjoy his company."

"I would enjoy your company more, Jo."

"You have my company every day."

"Yes, and we get to hear Oghren and Sigrun argue about the consistency of ale and compare belches and then there is Nathaniel who glares at me like I'm about to take your virginity."

Josie giggled. "Oh Nate, knows that was lost long ago."

Anders raised an eyebrow. "Oh really? And why is that?"

Josie continued to smile at him. "You're so cute when you're jealous, but have no fear it wasn't Nate that took my virginity. Nate has always treated me as a little sister and he is just being protective."

"My point is that when I am in your company they are always there. I want to spend time with just you."

"Anders, I don't think that is a good idea."

"Tomorrow is my birthday and for my birthday present I want to spend the day with you."

Josie furrowed her eyes. "Tomorrow is your birthday?" She asked skeptically.

"Yep."

"Well, I just gave you a present."

"Sir Pounce-A-Lot…"

"Sir Pounce-A-Lot?" Josie giggled.

"Yes, I just thought of it. Do you like it?"

"It's cute."

"Well, Sir Pounce-A-Lot doesn't count because you didn't know it was my birthday when you gave it to me. It was a 'just because' gift, but for my birthday present I want the day with you. No strings attached and let's just see where the day takes us."

"Okay, fine. I will spend the day with you. Be prepared to leave in the morning," Josie replied.

"Leave?"

"Well if you want to spend the day alone that isn't going to happen here at the Keep so I'm going to take you to a hidden spot I know around here."

Anders grinned at her. "Well, for the first time ever I'm looking forward to my birthday."

"I'm glad," Josie said as she turned to leave, Anders sat the kitten down on the bed and pulled Josie back into his arms. It felt amazing to have her back in his arms. He leaned down and lovingly touched his lips to hers. She didn't resist him. Just the opposite, she leaned hungrily into the kiss, surprising him. He wasn't sure why the sudden change, but he wasn't about to argue with her.

The feel of her supple body yielding to him sent fire licking through his veins. He pulled her in tightly against the length of his body as he deepened the kiss. He plundered her mouth, honey sweet and as intoxicating as spiced mead. She moaned against his lips as her arms encircled his neck. The sound of her pleasure, here in the same room while in his arms shot a bolt of desire through his body straight to his groin, making him ravenous.

The kitten mewed behind them, but they ignored it as he dipped his head and pressed his lips down her neck then along her collarbone, tasting her in small nibbles as his teeth teased her flesh sending visible tremors through her. Her fingers threaded into his hair and she whispered his name. His name falling from her lips was like music.

"Say that again," he asked as his mouth moved down the column of her throat kissing and nipping a path to the hollow at the base.

"Anders," she moaned awakening the deep, raw hunger that he had for her. They had to stop now or he would not be able to stop. The kitten cried out again and this time even louder. Anders pulled away and immediately regretted it the moment his lips left her skin.

He looked down at her, gently pushed a hair out of her face and smiled tenderly at her. "Thank you for the kitten."

She reluctantly stepped out of his embrace and grinned at him. "Well, I definitely like the way you show your gratitude."

"There's a lot more than gratitude I want to show," Anders growled.

"Don't get ahead of yourself. Remember tomorrow is for your birthday and there are no strings attached."

"Don't worry, I'll be the perfect gentleman until you tell me not to be."

Her eyes darkened with desire as she grinned at him. "I'll see you at eight in the stables."

"I'll be there."

Anders was there a few minutes before eight and grinned as she strolled across the courtyard toward him. Marker's hairy balls, how was he supposed to be a perfect gentleman when she looked like that? She wore a very form fitting pair of brown riding pants with brown riding boots that went past her knees. Her blouse was tight fitting too and the laces were loosely done showing a glimpse of the swells of her breasts. For being a petite woman, the Maker had blessed her with curves that would make most grown men cry.

This was going to be a very long day and it would take every ounce of discipline he could muster not to touch her. The way those damn trousers hugged her hips and emphasized her perfectly round bottom, was going to drive him crazy.  
>The groomsman walked out with two horses, one white, one black, already saddled.<p>

"Good morning, Commander," the young boy said as he led the white horse over to her.

"Good morning, Tanner." She said with a smile then she nuzzled her horse.

"Good morning, Ghost."

"It's a lovely day for a ride," Tanner stated.

Anders grinned as he cupped his hands and helped Josie into the saddle. "Why yes it is. I'm definitely looking forward to it," Anders replied.

Tanner led the black horse over to Anders. "This is Wizard," the boy said as he helped Anders up.

Anders grinned at Josie. "Wizard?'

"I thought you would like him."

"I do."

"Good, then he will be your horse when we travel together as Wardens."

Once Anders was mounted and his feet in the stirrups, she smiled at him. "So are you an experienced rider?"

Anders looked over that the groomsman that was still nearby and grinned at her.

"Sweetheart, isn't that kind of a personal question for a first date?"

Josie's lips twitched as she fought the desire to smile. "I was referring to your equestrian abilities not your boudoir forays."

"Oh, thanks for clarifying. I'm fairly experienced in the saddle," Anders stated.

"I didn't realize the Circle gave mages riding lessons."

"You would be surprised at what we learned at in the Circle, but that isn't where I learned. I acquired my knowledge on one of my many escape attempts; makes getting away from Templars is quicker and easier on a horse."

She grinned mischievously at him. "Well, where we are headed is about a thirty minute ride from here, do try to keep up."

She urged her horse through the main gate and quickly into a full gallop. Anders swore as he followed behind her, racing to catch up. She glanced over her shoulder and saw him coming up fast. She laughed as she posted low in the saddle, leaned forward and pressed the horse harder. Josie's horse pulled further ahead, her long dark tresses flowed behind her. She was an excellent rider and Anders struggled to keep up with her as she cut a twisting path through the forest. The path finally opened up into a clearing that was serenely breathtaking. There was a small pond surrounded by the trees of the forest. A small waterfall cascaded down an outcrop of boulders into the pool below.

"This place is beautiful. How did you ever discover it?"

"When we would come to visit the Howes during the summer Nate would bring us here to swim and cool off in the pond. I thought it would be a perfect place to take you for your birthday," she said as dismounted and walked her horse down to the pond to drink and cool off. Anders did likewise then they made their way to a grassy area near the pond under a large tree. Josie spread out a blanket and unpacked the food and wine.

Anders looked at all of the food and chuckled. "You packed quite a spread for us."

"Well with our Warden appetites you don't want to run out of food way out here," Josie chuckled as she sat down and Anders joined her on the blanket. He opened the bottle of wine as she fixed a plate for him to eat.

Anders looked around the clearing and smiled. "This place is very secluded, are you sure you didn't bring boys here to go skinny dipping with you."

"And if I did, why would I tell you?"

"Because I want to know everything about you," Anders said as he sipped his wine.

She smiled, "No I didn't bring boys here to go skinny dipping."

"What a shame? This would have the perfect place for a playful tryst."

"So you and Nate were never…" Anders let the sentence hang in the air as he watched her face.

"No, I told you Nate is like a brother to me."

Anders spread some cheese on a piece of bread; he leaned over and extended his hand toward her. She smiled as she parted her lips and he gently placed it in her mouth. There was some cheese on the side of her mouth. Anders reached over and with one finger wiped it away. He slipped his finger into his mouth. "Mmm, not bad."

He glanced down at her hands that were splayed against her thighs and noticed, not for the first time, a tattoo on the index finger of her left hand approximately where a ring would sit. The marking was a symbol that he didn't recognize. It was a heart with two hands holding it and a crown resting on top of the heart. The heart was turned inward facing Josie.

Anders reached out and tapped her finger. "What's this?"

Josie looked down at her hand and watched the pain ripple across her face before she mastered her emotions She pulled her hand away from his. "A mistake," she said with such a finality that he knew there was no point in pursuing it any further. So he decided to try a different approach, a more direct, bolder tactic.

"So who was your first and where did it happen?"

She laughed. "My, you're very bold."

"I told you, I want to know everything about you. You intrigue me."

"You tell me first."

"Okay, her name was Nikki. I was fifteen, she was seventeen. I was a virgin and she definitely wasn't. It was in the library stacks at the Circle. The first time went much too quick, but she was patient and a very good teacher."

"Did you love her?"

"Hell no, I was only fifteen. I liked her a lot and we enjoyed each other's company."

Her eyes narrowed on him. "Why have you never allowed yourself to fall in love, Anders?"

"In the Circle, love is something that the Templars can use against you, can take away from or use to hurt you if they know about it. I couldn't allow myself to care about anything enough that they could use it to bend me to their will."

Anders took a sip of wine and looked at her. "Well, I've answered two of your questions now it's your turn to answer mine."

"Okay, his name was Marcus. I was seventeen, he was twenty. His father was a Knight at Highever Castle and he too was in training to become a Knight. I had known him all my life because we grew up together. He was close in age to Fergus so the two of them spent a lot of time together… at least they did until I hit puberty then his focus shifted."

"I'll bet it did," Anders chuckled.

"Because he wasn't a noble we had to keep our growing infatuation a secret…"

"Aaaah, forbidden love."

Josie chuckled. "Yes, I think that was half the fun."

"So you're a woman that likes a little danger with her liaisons," Anders inquired with a mischievous grin.

Her eyes flared and Anders groin stiffened. "A little danger definitely makes it interesting."

"Good to know. So where did the good Ser take your virtue?"

"There are these cliffs that overlook the sea. My parents have a small cabin that sits on the bluff. He took me there."

"And how was he?"

"He was not a virgin so it lasted longer than it did for you," she said with an impish grin.

"Ouch, you wound me my, dear lady. So he lasted long, but was he any good?"

"Yes, he was gentle at first until the initial pain was over and then he took his time teaching me how to give and receive pleasure."

"Sounds like a good man. What happened?"

"His father found out about us and before a scandal could break out he sent him to the Arl of Denerim to finish his training."

"Well that is sad. Do you know what happened to him?"

She perched her lips as pain flickered across her face. "He died during the battle of Denerim."

"Oh Josie… I'm so sorry. Did you love him?"

She was silent for a long minute then she shook her head. "No…I thought I did, but I didn't really know what love was until… until Alistair."

"Tell me about him."

Her eyes narrowed on him as she studied him. "Why do you want to know about him?"

"Because if you don't talk about him and come to terms with what happened you will never be able to move on from him."

She was quiet again for a long moment as she studied her hands. "Today is your birthday; a day for celebrating not reminiscing about old heartbreaks."

She turned back to her bag. "I have something for you."

She pulled out a box and opened the lid. She then pulled out what looked like a small round cake with chocolate frosting. "This is a cupcake. We have a tradition in my family that on your birthday, to honor you and your special day, a member of the family bakes cupcakes for everyone."

Anders eyes looked at the delicious looking cake and then back at Josie. "Did you bake this?"

She grinned and nodded. "I got up early this morning and made them. It's probably a good thing that we aren't at the Keep. I'm sure Nate and Oghren are bouncing off the walls from the sugar high."

Anders was stunned by the gesture and completely taken aback. "I-I can't believe that you went to all this trouble for me?"

She smiled and ran her finger across the icing. "It was no trouble at all. I wanted to make your day special."

She extended her hand forward toward him. She traced her finger over his lip smearing them with frosting. Anders captured her finger with his mouth. She gasped as he ran his tongue around her finger sucking and licking the icing off. Anders pulled another one of her fingers into his mouth and watched with delight as her body quivered from the sensation. She pulled her hand away and Anders licked his lips. He reached for the cupcake ran his finger through the frosting and smiled.

"My turn," he said as he extended his hand. Her lips parted and she sucked his fingers into her warm velvety mouth. She swirled her tongue around him as she sucked him in deeply as she licked his fingers clean.

"Oh Maker, you're killing me," he groaned as he pulled his fingers out of her mouth. He reached for her with both hands and entwined them through her hair pulling her to him. Ever since their kiss the night before, he couldn't think of anything else and he wanted nothing more than to taste her again, he looked into her eyes and he saw a passion there that matched his own, a hunger that inflamed him.

He pulled her flush against his chest as his lips met hers. His tongue swirled, teased and licked at her bottom lip until her mouth parted, he took his time, gently caressing, thoroughly exploring. She sighed against his lips, her warm, sweet breath mingling with his. Maker, he loved the taste of her, he couldn't get enough of her. Splaying his hands on the small of her back, he molded her to him, drinking from her lips and becoming intoxicated by her.

Her arms went around his neck, she returned his kiss just as eagerly and with each foray of her tongue she tasted, teased and caressed him so provocatively that it was driving him insane. He had promised that he would be a gentleman, but if things continued down this path he wouldn't be able to stop.

He pulled away and rested his forehead against hers. "I swear you're going to be my undoing."

She smiled then licked at the corner of his mouth, "Mmmm, I missed a spot of chocolate."

Anders closed his eyes as he tried to rein in his hunger for her. "I have never met anyone that has affected me as deeply as you have."

She raised an eyebrow and smiled. "So I'm not just some casual tryst, a notch on your mage's belt so to speak."

Anders was shocked and hurt by her underlying accusation. "Is that what you think? That I just want to sleep with you because I'm looking for some kind of conquest?" He asked defensively.

She looked stunned by his reaction. "I'm sorry Anders. I didn't mean to imply that your intentions weren't genuine."

Anders shook his head as he pulled away from her. "No, I deserve that. I have done nothing, but hit on you since the moment that I saw you and I have made it known that I have had numerous lovers so what other conclusion would you draw."

Anders felt like a fool. The kiss last night, the picnic, the cupcake had all been because she had decided to give into her body's desire for him, not because she cared about him, not because she hungered and yearned for him the way he did for her. Fuck, she was treating him as a casual liaison… the way he had treated so many of his previous lovers, but he didn't want that from her; at first maybe, but not now. Now he wanted her… all of her, not just her body. He jumped to his feet. "We should head back before Nate sends out a search party for you."

But she remained seated on the blanket, looking up at him with those big blue eyes as she studied him and she quickly deduced the conclusion that he had just come to. She patted the blanket beside her and smiled at him; completely melting his heart, but his stubborn nature had him remain on his feet. She poured more wine into both of their glasses, she took a sip from hers then she said matter-of-factly, "I knew from the moment that I laid eyes on Alistair that I wanted him, more than I ever wanted anything in my life, and within the first five minutes of meeting him, he had made me laugh… I hadn't laughed since before the attack on my family. I knew then that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with the man who had in mere minutes broken through the fog that I had been living in since the murder of my family… I had never felt that kind of immediate connection with anyone."

Anders knew exactly what she was talking about because he had been drawn to her exactly the same way. She held out his glass of wine to him. He took it, sat down beside her and was mesmerized as she told him about the love of her life, what they had shared and how deeply his betrayal had cut her. When she was done he knew then she would never be able to love him the way he already knew he was going to love her and yet he didn't care. He just wanted… no he needed to be with her, to love her and to heal her broken, shattered heart.

A/N - I want to thank the thin walls at Embassy Suites and the girl in the room beside me for the inspiration for Anders and Josie's "private time" scene.

* A big thanks to the randy minxes, Bonkzy and Jinxy, for being the most shagadelic betas ever. You ladies are awesome!


	4. Chapter 4 Rescue Me

**Chapter 4 – Rescue Me**

"With you I'm not a little girl, with you I'm not a man

When all the hurt inside of me comes out, you understand

You see that I'm ferocious, you see that I am weak

You see that I am silly, and pretentious and a freak

Rescue me [rescue me, it's hard to believe] Your love has given me hope

Rescue me [rescue me, it's hard to believe] I'm drowning, baby throw out your rope

Love is understanding, it's hard to believe life can be so demanding

I'm sending out an S.O.S. Rescue me, rescue me

It's not my business to decide, how good you are for me

How valuable you are and what the world can see

Only that you try to understand me and have the courage to love me for me"

_Rescue Me by Madonna_

Josie was astounded at how at ease she was with Anders, how quickly she had opened up to him and how not once did he make a sexual overture or innuendo while she told him about Alistair. She had never bared her soul like that to anyone… well, except for Alistair. She hadn't realized how much she had bottled up and she found that once she had begun she couldn't stop. Anders had been patient as he listened to her. He laughed with her, held her when the tears came and wiped them away when she couldn't stop them. He allowed her to relive the joy of their relationship and mourn the passing of it.

It had never been her intent to discuss Alistair with Anders, but he looked so incredibly hurt that she thought of his pursuit of her as just a notch on the notorious lovers belt. As he towered over her, ready to leave because his pride had been bruise, her heart melted when she looked into his eyes and saw love, not lust, shining out from them; and to be perfectly honest it had rattled her to discover that charming mage had genuine feelings for her.  
>She would be no good for him… she would be no good for anyone. Her heart was beyond repair, beyond even Anders skilled hands, but the only way she saw to repair the damage with the handsome mage was to give Anders what he wanted… the truth about what had happened with her and Alistair.<p>

Now as they rode back to the Keep in silence each lost in their thoughts Josie was shocked to discover that for the first time in months her heart didn't hurt nearly as bad as it had just this morning, and that her mind was free of the venomous thoughts that had been plaguing it. Anders truly was a gifted healer. She looked over at him and smiled.

He grinned back at her. "Something on your mind, milady?"

"Thank you."

His eyes shined warmly at her. "You're welcome, but it is I that should be thanking you for giving me the best birthday I can remember."

"I'm glad I could make it a good day for you. Everyone should be able to take one day out of the year to celebrate _themselves,_" she was silent for a moment then asked, "How did you know that it was what I needed?"

Anders paused before he replied. "I learned a long time ago that holding things in can be detrimental to one's health. There is something cathartic about verbalizing what is on your heart and in your mind."

"Was someone there for you when you needed to unburden yourself?"

A sad smile flickered across Anders' lips. "Yes and the hours that we spent talking healed me in every way possible."

"What was their name?"

"Karl, his name was Karl," Anders said as he paused to collect his thoughts.

"He was a Circle mage. When I spent a year in solitary confinement Karl had bribed a few of the sympathetic Templars to grant him permission to bring me a hot meal and to heal me if necessary. I would not have survived that year with my mind fully in tact if it hadn't been for him."

"Was he just a friend or a lover?"

Anders eyes narrowed as he looked at her. "Would it bother you if he had been a lover?"

She smiled at him as she thought about Zevran and his pursuit of finding pleasure wherever he could find it. "No, I believe that you limit love if you allow gender to define who you can love."

A genuine smile spread across the mage's lips. "That is very open minded of you… to answer your question I need to ask you a question."

"Okay."

"Do you think you can be someone's lover mentally without the physical act?"

Again Josie's thoughts drifted back to Zevran. There wasn't a topic that the two of them hadn't discussed in detail. There wasn't anything that she felt she needed to hold back when she was with him. Zevran had been a lover of her mind even though physically they had never been together. That was why Alistair had never truly trusted the assassin. It wasn't because he thought Zevran would try to kill her again it was because the two of them had a connection that Alistair couldn't understand or compete with. If she hadn't met and fallen in love with Alistair before her fated meeting with Zevran, the two of them very well may have become lovers.

"Yes, I do."

"That was Karl for me. I was in no physical condition for the act of making love when I was imprisoned, but mentally Karl was my lover."

"Why didn't you pursue the relationship when you were released?"

"Shortly before I was released the Circle had moved Karl to the Kirkwall Circle to aid them in some research project that he was proficient in."

"I'm sorry."

"I was actually heading to Kirkwall when the Templars caught up with me and obviously the Maker had other plans for me."

"You told me that you had never been in love. Are you saying that you didn't love Karl?"

"Karl was the closest I have ever come to loving someone like that," Anders replied.

"So if you were heading to Kirkwall to reunite with him then the Wardens put a real kink in your plans," Josie said with a smile.

"Well, it really was the Templars that interfered with my plans. It was you that gave me hope."

"I'm not sure how much hope the Wardens can offer…"

"I didn't say the Wardens, Josie, I said you gave me hope," Anders stated.

She looked over at him. A genuine smile was on his lips and his warm eyes danced as he looked at her causing her stomach to flutter, her stomach actually fluttered…like she was a schoolgirl and the boy she had crush on smiled at her. She looked away as she felt the heat rise in her cheeks.

"Oh my, now that had to be a delicious thought to make the cool and collect Warden Commander blush. Do tell," Anders purred.

Josie's cheeks continued to burn as she stared straight ahead. "It was nothing. I think the sun has just made me flush."

He gave her a knowing grin. "That's what you're going with… the sun?"

"Yes, that's my story and I'm sticking to it," she replied as they rode into the courtyard.

As she dismounted her back stiffened as she felt a familiar presence step out of the shadow and into the sunlight. Before she even turned to face him she grunted through clenched teeth, "Loghain, how nice of you to finally decide to leave Court and begin acting like a warden."

"Commander, you know that my arrival was delayed because Anora needed my aid in helping Ferelden recover from the Blight."

Josie spun to face the man that she loathed. "Oh and here I thought it was because you were pouting over Weisshaupt naming me the Ferelden Warden Commander and not you. My mistake."

His eyes bore into her, but she refused to back down from. "A mistake that they will soon discover and then they will correct the error of their ways."

"If that is what you tell yourself to get you through the night then so be it," Josie handed the reins of her horse over to the stable boy and then stepped closer to him so that they were only inches apart. "But let me make this perfectly clear, Loghain, for now, I am _**your**_ Commanding Officer. I don't care who your daughter is. _**You will **_follow my orders or you will find yourself bedding in the Keeps dungeon. Do I make myself clear?"

"Perfectly, _Commander_," Loghain said.

Then as a malicious grin crossed his face as he added, "Oh by the way, before I left Denerim I received a report from the border patrol that a man's head that looked remarkably like Alistair Theirin was on a pike outside the city walls of Amaranthine."

Josie felt her hand tremble slightly as she reigned in her emotions. She wasn't about to give this son of a bitch the reaction he was looking for. She just looked him in the eye and coldly stated, "See Seneschal Varel about assigning you a room."

Then she spun on her heels and marched off. Once she was sure Loghain could no longer see or hear her she took off in a full sprint to her room. She closed the door and threw herself across the bed just as the tears from anger, frustration and regret began to flow. It couldn't be Alistair. Loghain was just saying that to taunt her, to get a reaction out of her and to remind her that the Queen still had a bounty on his head. She refused to believe that it was him, but she still needed to see for herself. She needed to reassure herself that the biggest mistake of her life hadn't cost Alistair his life… she couldn't live with herself if it had.

Varel had mentioned that there was someone in the City using the name Dark Wolf that might be able to help her obtain information about the nobles that had placed a contract on her life. Not only did she need to find out what this conspirator was, she also had to have a serious discuss with this spy about using a name that didn't belong to them. She would go to the City tomorrow, talk with informant and make sure it wasn't Alistair.

Early the following morning, Nathaniel, Oghren and Anders accompanied her to Amaranthine. She slowed as she neared the city walls and saw the pikes that held the heads of those deemed as traitors. She felt her heart racing and noticed her hands trembling as she stopped in front of the one that held the head of a male that had blond short hair.

"Is it him, Commander? Is it Alistair Theirin?" Nathaniel asked.

Relief washed over her, but her voice was incapable of functioning so she just shook her head no.

"Except for the hair this man looks nothing like the Pike Twirler," Oghren grunted.

After they had stabled their horse Anders pulled her aside. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine.

Anders raised an eyebrow. "I would have hoped that we had reached a new plateau in our relationship yesterday."

She straightened her shoulders as she stared at him. "I told you, I'm fine."

Anders grabbed her and pulled her into an empty stall away from the others. "Don't shut me out, Josie. You aren't fine. Ever since Loghain's arrival you have been on edge and I'm not just referring to his insinuation that Alistair was dead."

"Let's just say that Loghain and I have a very strained relationship and his appearance at the Keep was not the welcome home gift I was looking forward too."

Anders arm encircled her waist as he attempted to pull her against him, but she fought against him. They had a spent a wonderful day together, but that was all it was…one day. She was not going to let his charms continue to cloud her judgment.

His arms were stronger than she had given him credit for and he pressed her against him sending that unexplained heat coursing through her once again.  
>He brushed a stray hair out of her face then he leaned down and whispered, "After yesterday, I refuse to allow you to shut me out again. We've come too far to go back to that. I'm not asking you to fall in love with me, Josie. I'm just asking you to let me in, let me love you, let me heal you as I know I can."<p>

She pulled back and looked at him. She was shocked and surprised by his assertiveness and his declaration. "You're feeling a little cocky in your abilities as a healer and a lover."

His eyes danced as he smirked at her making him look so damn sexy. "Don't mistake confidence as arrogance. If you let me in Jo, I know I can heal you… mentally." Anders lips pressed against her forehead then he feathered tender kisses across her temples and down her cheeks.

"Spiritually," he sighed as he rested his palm in the valley between her breasts. His hand glowed an amber color as a warm, calming sensation flowed through her veins.

"And physically," he groaned as his hand slid between her legs; a tiny vibration pulsed from his hand against her core. A whimper escaped her lips as pleasure ripped through her, her knees went weak and she nearly fell to the ground. Anders tightened his hold on her, holding her upright and firmly against him.

He pressed his lips against her neck and she wanted nothing more than to melt into him. What the fuck was this man doing to her? He was completely unraveling her.

"I don't just want to make love to you, Josie. I want to be with you every way possible. And the only thing that I'm asking from you in return is not to shut me out. Just let me in, please Phine," he moaned against her ear.

His words had softened her heart. No one… not even Alistair, had ever told her that all they wanted to do was please her and want nothing in return…well…except for that bit about her to open up to him…and there it was - the catch. She didn't know if she could do that, she didn't know if she could let herself be that vulnerable with someone ever again.

As if reading her mind, Anders pressed his lips against her ear, "I won't hurt you, Josie. I promise. Your heart is safe in my hands."

Tears were now brimming in her eyes as she looked up at him. "Why?" Was all she could manage.

Anders shook his head. "I don't know…I'm drawn to you…I can't explain it, but all I want to do is take away your pain."

She didn't reply. She couldn't. She honestly didn't know what to say so she just melted into his embrace and took comfort in the warmth of his arms. Eventually she pulled away from him and wiped the tears from her face. She looked up at him. "I-I'll try. It's the best I can do."

He smiled warmly at her. "Then that is all I can ask."

She nodded and headed out of the barn to join the others. As they approached the gate a young guard approached them. "Excuse me, Ser."

Josie paused and looked at the guard. "I was paid a whole sovereign to deliver this to you."

"Thank you, I appreciate it," Josie replied as she took the sealed letter.

She opened the letter and her eyebrows furrowed. "Something the matter, Commander?" Nathaniel asked.

"I really hate being summoned by my own alias," Josie grumbled as she shoved the letter into her bag and started through the gate.

"Excuse me, milady, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to search your bag," a guard stated as he stepped in front of her.

Josie laughed as she shook her head and handed her bag over to the guard. "Of course, I have nothing to hide."

"What are you doing, man? Are accusing the Warden Commander of smuggling?" The constable demanded as he approached them.

"I…you said everyone," the guard stuttered.

"You are dismissed," the constable said then turned his attention to Josie. "I apologize, Commander. Since the Blight, smugglers and thieves have been running amuck throughout the City."

"Well, it's good be cautious," Josie replied.

"I could use your help with this Arlessa," the constable stated and Josie felt the hair rise on the back of her neck at the use of her title.

"Constable Aidan, its either Commander or Josie, please do not use my title unless we are holding court. As for your smuggler problem, I would be happy to help, but I have a pressing matter I need to attend to first. I will return later and we can discuss the matter."

The Constable crossed his arms over his chest and bowed. "Of course, Commander, I understand."

Josie made her way through the market toward the gate that led to the docks. A guard with his helm on stood off to the side. With her hand resting on the pommel of her sword she cautiously approached the shady character.

"Ma Cherie, I see you got my letter. It's an honor to meet you," the man said in a perfect Orlesian accent.

Josie's lips curved slightly. "The Dark Wolf I presume."

"The one and only, in the flesh," the man replied.

"I always pictured the Dark Wolf to be taller," Oghren grunted.

Josie titled her head slightly and smiled an impish grin. "How can you be the Dark Wolf when I am?"

The figure behind the mask hesitated slightly. "Ma douce, it was my understanding that you were dead."

"The rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. As you can see, I am very much alive," Josie said as she held out her arms.

"Oh I can see very well and my eyes are enjoying the delicious vision before them," the Dark Wolf replied.

Josie heard Anders shift uncomfortable, but her eyes narrowed on the masked guard. "If you want your eyes to remain in your head I suggest you stop eyeing me as if I was your last meal."

"Oh but what a scrumptious meal you would be, ma bonbon sucre."

Josie had to bite her lip to stop from smiling. "Does the pretty Warden have a twitch in her lip?" The Dark Wolf asked sarcastically.

Josie ignored the comment. "Why don't you tell me what you know?"

"There is great unrest among the nobles of Amaranthine regarding your appointment as Arlessa and a price has been placed on your pretty head."

"So you're telling me this…why? Out of your sense of civic duty," Josie questioned.

The Dark Horse laughed. "Hardly! My reasons are my own, but let's just say I am fulfilling a vow."

"And how much will it cost me for you to keep your vow?"

"Fifty sovereigns, my dear Warden."

"Maker's breath, that's highway robbery," Anders exclaimed.

Josie didn't even hesitate. She opened her backpack and handed the guard the coins.

"Well, looting nobles' houses during the Blight was certainly profitable for you," Nathaniel grunted.

"I didn't loot nobles' homes… only yours," Josie replied dryly.

"You're just going to hand over fifty sovereigns to a complete stranger," Anders demanded.

"Oh I believe the Dark Wolf and I have an understanding," Josie purred.

"You do? How did I miss that?" Nathaniel asked.

The Dark Wolf crossed his arms over his chest and bowed, "I will have the answers you seek shortly."

Then the man turned and walked away. Josie spun on her heels and the rest of the group quickly fell in behind her.

"So… mage… what's it like?" Oghren grunted

Anders chuckled. "To have all this power at my fingertips?"

"No. To always wear a skirt," Oghren laughed.

"Oh, so you don't know the story behind the robes?"

Oghren shook his head.

"Well, you know what tight asses they are at the Circle right?"

Oghren just shrugged.

"I'm sure the stories have made it into your intoxicated brain at some point. Well, the robes make quick trysts in the corner easy. No laces or buttons. You're done before the templars catch on."

"Pathetic," Nathaniel groaned.

"Really?" Oghren asked amazed.

"Oh, you're just jealous, Howe."

"You don't always wear robes, do you?" Nathaniel asked.

"Well, I'm not fond of bathing in them and unless it's one of those quick trysts I mentioned earlier I like to remove them for more leisurely encounters."

"Ugh, I could have done without that visual," Nathaniel groaned.

"How about you, Commander?" Oghren asked.

Josie paused and turned to look at him. "What are you going on about, dwarf?"

"The visual of Anders naked, could you have done without that too?" He asked as sly grin spread across his lips.

Josie's eyes widened as she looked at Anders who was smiling like the cat that just ate the canary. She could feel her cheeks began to burn and she quickly spun away from them.

"Oh course not, I only like to picture you naked, Oghren," Josie replied dryly.

Both Nathaniel and Anders began to choke.

"So you _**do **_have a thing for me, huh? I knew it! You heard what they say about us short fellows... We're not so short everywhere and now you can see for yourself!" Oghren chuckled.

"Oh for fuck sake, Oghren! That's a visual I could have definitely gone without," Josie groaned.

"Well, you had your chance, woman! I'm not a slab of meat, you know," Oghren grunted.

"Well can't blame a girl for trying, that Felsi is one lucky girl," Josie replied sarcastically.

"Yeah, I keep telling her that, but she doesn't listen very well."

"That must be because she's blinded and ...deafened by all your alluring features," Josie cooed as she ruffled the dwarf's hair and he grinned up at her.

"Or drugged off her ass by his ale breath!" Nathaniel said sardonically.

"This Felsi woman...she's insane, right?" Anders inquired.

"She's a fiery one, but insane is not the word I'd use," Oghren chuckled.

"If she married you, dwarf, she is a few genlocks short of a horde," Nathaniel stated.

The banter continued as they made their way back to Constable Aiden to get the details regarding the smuggling ring. By the time they made it back to the inn it was dark. Josie talked with the bartender about having a bath, a tray of food and a bottle of wine sent up to her room.

"You aren't going to join us for a mug of ale?" Oghren inquired.

"Not tonight, I'm exhausted," Josie replied as she excused herself and hurried up to her room.

The moment she closed the door she grinned as she looked around the room. "If a certain assassin doesn't get his ass out of the shadows, I swear no riding crop for you."

Zevran emerged for the corner a grin on his face. "La mia caramella dolce, you say the sweetest things."

Josie squealed as she leapt into Zevran's arms. "You are a sight for sore eyes."

Before he could reply there was the thundering sound of footsteps up the stairs and a pounding on her door. Josie waved Zevran back into the shadows. She opened the door to see three pairs of eyes staring back at her.

"We heard screaming," Anders said with concern.

"Oh… did I scream? I didn't mean too… I saw a spider," Josie replied.

Nathaniel's eyes narrowed on her as he stuck his head in the door and looked around. "Since when is the fierce killer of darkspawn, the slayer of the archdemon, and the vanquisher of all evil afraid of a spider?"

"It was a really big spider," Josie said innocently.

"It would have to be as big as a bronto's ass to make you scream like that," Oghren grunted.

"I'm just tired and I overreacted when it ran across my foot," Josie replied.

"Uh-huh," Anders said as he pushed his way into her room and glanced around then he looked at her suspiciously. He leaned into her and whispered, "What are you hiding?"

She grinned at him, turned so that only the shadow in the corner could see and brushed a kiss against his cheek. He looked back at her stunned. She continued to smile at him. "I'm fine. Trust me."

Anders nodded as he stepped away from her. "If you say so, but if you need anything, I'm right next door."

"Thank you, Anders," Josie said. Then she looked over at the rest of her Wardens that had come to her rescue. She smiled. "Sorry if I worried you, but I'm fine. Thank you for your concern."

They eyed her suspiciously then nodded and headed out the door. As soon as they were alone again, Zevran emerged from the shadows. "Well I see once again you have assembled a group that is highly dedicated to you and devoted to keeping you safe; which speaking from experience is not always easy."

"Yes, they are a good group of Wardens."

"And that mage seems overly devoted," Zevran observed.

She smiled, "Anders…Anders is…"

Zevran raised an eyebrow as grin slid across his face. "Ander is what, my sweet?"

"I'm not sure."

"You like him," Zevran stated.

"I-I don't know what I feel for him."

"But you're curious."

"He has definitely sparked my interest...it's just..."

"It's just what, my pet," Zevran coerced.

"I...I'm not the person I was when I met Alistair...I'm damaged and I don't think my heart can take another heartbreak."

"My dear precious Warden, you are not damaged. Your heart has taken a hard blow, but it still beats and you are strong enough to move on. Not every affair has to lead to love or end in heartbreak. Sometimes you can have a passionate tryst and the only thing that it means is a lot of powerful orgasms. If I can't be the one to help you out with that, I do believe that mage with lust in his eyes would be the right fellow."

"So you're saying I should take a page out of your book, act like a man and just take my pleasures where I can find them?"

"That is exactly what I'm saying, my pet."

A coy smile spread across her face as her eyes sparkled with mischief.

"I've seen that look before and I know what it means," Zevran cooed.

Her eyes went wide as she stared at him. "What does it mean?"

He grinned at her. "It means you have an itch and you're about to make that mage your personal scratcher."

Josie giggled. "What a colorful way you have of describing things."

"Well, I'm all for him, if he helps you get over that idiot brat prince."

Pain must have shown on her face because Zevran was pulling her into his arms an instant later. "Dolce cuore, I am sorry. That was thoughtless of me, but you need to move on and if this Anders will help you do that then he has my vote."

Zevran kissed her on forehead then pulled away from her as he walked over to the table and poured each of them a glass. "I brought with me the finest Antivian brandy I could find on short notice before I headed here."

"Not that I'm not happy to see you, but why are you here, Zev? Why masquerade as my old alias? What happened in Antiva?"

Zevran chuckled. "One question at a time, my pet. When I arrived back in Antivia City, I discovered that Marco was still the leader for the Crows and that he still had a contract out on my life. After a few failed negotiation attempts between the two of us I decided it was best to forgo all future mediation by eliminating the problem. With Marco no longer available to lead the Crows and because I was the one that caused his unavailability they offered me Marco's old job as leader to which I happily accepted."

"So you're back with the Crow's?"

"Don't worry, my sweet, only temporarily. I am setting a few things in motion that should allow me to come to your side not long from now."

"So what are you doing here and why pose as the Dark Wolf?"

"Well, when a contract request came across my desk with your name on it I had grave concerns. I immediately reminded all the Crow's that no contracts were to be accepted on you, but I knew that wouldn't stop less professional assassins to take the contract so I immediately came here. You had created the perfect persona for gathering information in the guise of the Dark Wolf. I didn't see a need to reinvent the wheel. So I used the Dark Wolf's reputation and spread rumors that he was working with the Crows. It's amazing how forthcoming people are with information, when you throw out the names 'Dark Wolf' and 'Crows' in the same breath," he said as he took a sip of his brandy.

"So have you found out anything?"

"Well, the group of nobles in question have been dealt with; you should no longer have to worry about them."

"I am most grateful."

"Oh…just how grateful are you?"

"Keep your hands to yourself or there's a chance you come away one short."

Zevran chuckled. "You know it's such a turn on when threaten me with bodily injury."

"Why did I ever let you talk me into our code phrase being, 'what a scrumptious meal you would be'. I could barely keep a straight face."

"Because you love me and because I love watching you work on your Wicked Grace face when I say that line out loud," Zevran replied with a grin.

Josie fell back on the bed. "Maker, I've missed you, my friend."

Zevran set his glass down, walked over to her and motioned for her to scoot over. She did, he slid in beside her and pulled her into his arms. He kissed her forehead. "I'm here now and I promise, I will return to you as soon as I can."

"Good, I need my trusty assassin by my side."

"You know I love it when you call me 'your assassin'; makes me tingle all over."

"Just keep your tingles to yourself," she muttered as she melted against his chest and for the first time since before the Landsmeet she felt safe and content as she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>*AN -Your French lesson for the day Ma Cherie – my darling , Ma douce – my sweet, ma bonbon sucre – my sweet candy. If the translation is off please blame google translator.**

***Your Italian lesson for the day. La mia caramella dolce – my sweet candy, Dolce cuore – sweetheart.**

***I want to thank you everyone that has added this story to your favs and alert lists. The response has been awesome and I am pleased as punch that you like it. To everyone that has taken the time to write a review, I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me. They always bring a smile to my face.**

***To my two fantabulous betas, Bonzy and Mistress Vo, the two of you are rockin' the bees knees, jamin' in the cat's pajamas and the coolest of the cool. Thank you for all of your hard work. **


	5. Chapter 5 I Wanna Be Your Lover

**Chapter 5 – I Wanna Be Your Lover**

"I ain't got no money, I ain't like those other guys you hang around

It's kinda funny, but they always seem to let you down

And I get discouraged cause I never see you anymore

And I need your love, babe, that's all I'm living for, yeah

I didn't want to pressure you, baby, but all I ever wanted to do

I want to be your lover, I want to be the only one that makes you come running

I want to be your lover, I want to turn you on, turn you out

All night long, make you shout, oh, lover! Yeah!

I want to be the only one you come for"

_I Wanna Be Your Lover by Prince_

Anders sat near the fire in the inn eating breakfast and sipping his tea as he watched Josie make her way down the stairs. She had lied to him. He tried not to let it bother him, he tried to remind himself that she owed him nothing… not even the truth, but he was losing the mental battle. He wanted to know her, to know everything about her, and for the first time in his life he wanted someone else to completely know him.

She saw him and smiled as she made her way over.

"Good morning," Josie said as she sat down.

"How did you sleep?" Anders asked.

"Like a whore that just got paid," Josie said with a grin.

Maker's arse she was fantastic and Anders had to fight the smile that was threatening to spread across his lips. "Really? That good? I expected you to be exhausted."

"Why is that?"

"Well, because of the spider… it kept you up all night," Anders replied dryly.

"The spider? Oh... you meant the one from last night... I told you I just overreacted. I was fine the rest of the night."

"Well obviously it came back and it was very chatty," Anders stated sarcastically.

She raised her eyebrow at him and grinned. "What makes you say that?"

"The thin walls," Anders replied dryly.

She bit down on her lip as she suppressed a smirk. The gesture made her look so damn kissable, he almost forgot his anger and leaned across the table to claim her lips.

"You're very cute when you're jealous."

"I'm not jealous! Why would I be jealous over a spider?"

She grinned at him. "Well, he is a very handsome spider. Most men would be jealous of his looks if they weren't already envious of his alluring charms."

"Lucky him! He must be very special if you stayed up all night just to chat with him."

"You very confident that is all we did," she said with a teasing smirk.

"We're still talking about a spider, right? You don't seem like the type of girl that is into _that _sort of thing. Plus thin walls remember, either he gagged you or he isn't very good at," Anders snorted.

"From what I hear, he is very good, who wouldn't be when they have eight legs to work with," Josie replied coyly.

"Soooo, you don't have firsthand knowledge."

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Because sometimes timing is everything."

"And how is our timing?"

She grinned at him "Definitely improving."

Anders couldn't help, but grin back at her. "Does your arachnid friend have a name?"

"Zevran Arainai."

"One of your Blight companions, right?" Anders asked.

"Yes, he is my best friend and he was here incognito to protect me from the assassins that had been sent to kill me."

"Well, I like him already."

"Actually, you and Zev are definitely birds of a feather. If you ever meet him I have a feeling the two of you will get along splendidly."

"If I ever meet him…where did he go?"

"He had to return home to take care of some unfinished business."

"Sooo, back to our timing improving, what made you come to that conclusion?"

"I had a very long talk with a chatty spider."

"I'm liking our eight legged friend more and more," Anders replied with a satisfactory grin.

_**xxXxx**_

They had spent the majority of the day chasing those damn smugglers all over the city, and then clearing out their den that was hidden beneath the city. Anders paused near a tree to catch his breath as Josie made her way over to watering trough and began to rinse the grime off. The others followed her example and did the same.

"We are going to the Randy Stag. Are you okay with that, Commander?" Nathaniel asked.

She grinned at them. "Am I okay with that? I'll buy you your first lap dance, Nate."

"What do I look like… a slab of meat? I want a lap dance too and some ale, while you're at it!" Oghren demanded.

"In that order, my stout friend," Josie asked.

"Add a stack of ribs too! Just because you're being so accommodating!"

"Well, eating that in a brothel may give a whole new meaning to 'finger-licking good'." Anders stated sarcastically.

"You bet your sweet ass it will, Sparklefingers!"

When they were alone Anders turned to her. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Act like one of the boys."

"Would you prefer that I act like a stuffy, uptight noblewoman?"

Anders shook his head. "No, of course not, but..."

"I am a woman, surrounded by men, doing a man's job. To earn their respect, I need them to see me as one of them."

"But you're not one of them, Josie. You are their commanding officer," Anders replied.

"I didn't say they needed to see me as their equal, I need them to see me as one of them. Someone willing to get in the trenches with them, someone willing fight beside them, someone they trust because they know I have their backs, and someone who is willing to blow off a little steam with them. If that means having a few ales with them in a brothel and paying for a few lap dances, then I'm willing to do that to earn their trust and respect."

"Have I told you how amazing I think you are?" Anders asked.

She smiled at him. "No, you have failed to mention that."

Anders arms encircled her waist as he drew her to him. "You are the most fascinating woman I have ever met, mon precieux."

Josie's eyes went wide as pulled back, looked at him and smiled. "So I was right, you _**are**_as sexy as your voice."

He grinned at her. "You remember."

"How could I forget the mysterious, charming mage that saved Alistair's life and then disappeared in the middle of the night after I conscripted him," Josie cooed.

Anders laughed. "Yes well, it would seem that the Maker wanted to make damn sure that I fulfilled my obligation to you. How many people are conscripted into the Wardens… twice… by the same beautiful woman?"

"You think I'm beautiful?"

"Now, you're just fishing for compliments," Anders said as his hand slid up her back to the nape of her neck, and drew her head to him. When her lips were only inches away he whispered, "You are every one of my fantasies come to life."

He tipped her head back and leaned into her as his lips claimed hers. His tongue swept along her lower lip before he slid inside her mouth for a leisurely, sensual dance. Her mouth was decadent, like sin and he relished every thrust of her tongue against his, every warm, wet nuance of their mouths as they melt into each other, making him only crave more. He deepened the kiss as his lips moved more possessively against hers, and she whimpered against his mouth nearly driving him mad with desire.

He tore his mouth from hers, grinning when groan of protest escaped her lips. He became as still as statue when he heard footsteps and voices approaching them.

"Fuck," he muttered. Not ready to relinquish this time with her, he had to have more, he pulled her into a nearby ally; he pressed her against the hard surface of the building and slid his thighs between her legs. He pressed into her as he nipped at her lower lip, before surging forward once again to explore the soft, velvety contours of her mouth.

Josie dug her nails into the heavy muscles of his shoulders as she pulled him even closer to her. Anders slid his hand down her sides to her hips and lifted her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he thrust against her core, she moaned as her fingers fisted into his hair. There was no stopping him, he had to hear the sweet sound of her cuming, even if he had to do it while the two of them were fully clothed. He needed to release this vicious ache that only intensified the more she touched him.

He nipped at the tender skin of her arched neck as he kissed his way up to her ear and whispered, "Fuck Jo… I want you so bad."

He jerked on her hips as he rammed against her core again, she inhaled deeply as a moan escaped her lips, and she pressed her pelvis against his throbbing erection. His hips surged forward, his cock demanding to be in her, but stopped by the barrier of their clothes. Still he thrust against her over and over again. The movement of her hips quickened against him, becoming erratic as her need grew frantic.

Anders slid his hand between them and sent out a strong vibration straight into her core, as he sucked on her earlobe between his lips and bit it. Her mouth fell open, but no sound came out as the cry died in her throat when he sent another stronger pulse into her; she came apart in his arms, coming hard against him. Anders captured her mouth before she cried out, swallowing her sobs of release. She trembled against him as she buried her face in his chest.

Eventually, she pulled her head back, looked into his eyes and smiled. "Timing… definitely improving," she said breathlessly.

Anders grinned as he brushed several of her hairs out from her face. "That was just the warm up act, Sweetheart."

"Well, I certainly hope so. I have been fantasizing about seeing you naked, I definitely want to see if the reality is as good fantasy."

He lowered her to the ground, adjusted her skewed armor and kissed the top of her forehead. "Its better, I promise."

She shook her head, "Cocky as ever."

"Not cocky, confident. Now, I want to hear all about these fantasies of yours."

Josie laughed. "Maybe if you're a good mage and you do some more of that vibration thingy I'll tell you all about."

Anders laughed as he shot a light pulse at her pelvis. A slight whimper came from her lips and he smiled with satisfaction. He cast another one at her and she had to grip his arm to steady herself. She breathed in deeply trying to calm her body and mind. "Now stop that or we will never make it the Randy Stag and I have promises to keep to my Wardens."

"Maybe, I don't want to share you tonight. I've waited so long for you, Jo. I'm tired of waiting," Anders whispered in her ear as he pulled her back against him as he rubbed his still hard groin against her bottom.

She turned toward him, tenderly running her hand down his cheek. "Be patient a little longer. Let's go, make an appearance and then we can head back to the inn."

"Always the voice of reason," Anders muttered as they headed for the brothel.

As much he would have preferred heading back to her room at the inn immediately, once they had joined the others at the Randy Stag he actually had a great time. Over numerous pitchers of ale and much to Josie's dismay, Oghren retold stories of their travels during the Blight, while Nathaniel told embarrassing story of their childhood together. The more stories they told the more ale Josie consumed. He definitely didn't want her drunk when they got back to the inn so he ordered her some food, and changed the subject by recounting some of his more colorful Circle tales.

As the night wore on he noticed the sparkle in Josie's eyes as she watched the dancers on stage. He smiled as he leaned into her and whispered, "Do you have some deep, dark fantasy about being a stripper?"

Her eyes light up with shock at first and then mischief as an impish grin spread across her face. "I've never told anyone this and willing lost at a game of Truth or Dare not to share this secret, but yes. I've always wanted to learn how to pole dance… not to do on a stage in front of an audience just a private show for someone special."

Anders lips twitched as he suppressed the huge grin that was threatening to spread across his face. "If I make this fantasy a reality for you, do you promise that I'm the special someone that gets the private show?"

She turned and looked at him, eyes glistening with delight. "You would do that for me?"

His eyes darkened desire and a yearning to make her happy. "Mon precieux, I would do anything to make your eyes shine like they are right now."

She beamed at him and the genuine happiness that radiated from her literally stopped his heart. She leaned in and kissed his cheek. "Thank you, Anders."

Before she could pull away, Anders turned and pressed his mouth against hers. A soft sigh escaped her lips as she tenderly returned the kiss.

"Hey you two, stop doing that in front of the children. You're making us sick," Nathaniel chuckled.

"My eyes…they burn…make it stop," Oghren bellowed.

"Are you ready to get out of here?" Anders whispered.

Josie nodded as she stood up, threw ten sovereigns down on the table. "That should cover the tab and then some. You boys enjoy yourselves and don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"Well that leaves a world of possibilities," Nathaniel said with a grin.

As they stepped outside into the fresh air Anders breathed in deeply, "Do you smell that?"

Josie breathed in as she started for towards the inn, "So you enjoy the smell of dog shite, piss and vomit? Good to know. I won't send you roses on your birthday just a warm pile of Mayhem's poop topped off with some party favors courtesy of Oghren."

Anders laughed. "Please I would much prefer the roses. No, amongst the shite smells is the smell of freedom."

Now it was Josie's turn to laugh. "I didn't realize freedom smelled so foul."

"It's mixed in there, you just have to look for it."

"So you think becoming a Grey Warden is freedom?"

"Well after being in solitary confinement for a year, this is a step up for me."

"Wow, that isn't a ringing endorsement for the Circle."

"Well, in the eyes of the Chantry, all mages are evil just waiting to be unleashed on innocent people…" Anders stopped walking and turned to her. "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal and the right to shoot fireballs at idiots."

"There's a pretty girl right in front of you," Josie purred.

Anders stepped into her, slid his arms around waist and drew her into him. "I know, Phine," he murmured just before his lips claimed hers in a searing kiss as he maneuvered her into a dark ally. He kissed, licked and sucked at her sweet skin, teasing a path down her neck. He wanted to inhale her, devour her, caress every inch of her with his lips and tongue. She moaned as she pressed her hips into him sending his mind reeling. He needed to get her alone.

He pulled away from her and she let out a groan of disapproval. He smiled as he took her by the hand led her out of the ally and swiftly headed towards the inn. "I need to be alone with you," he grunted.

"I need to feel your lips on my skin again," she mumbled.

Oh fuck…that was all it took for him to pull her back into his arms, his mouth covered hers as he ravenously drank her in with hard, deep, consuming sweeps of his tongue. "Maker, you taste incredible, Phine," he moaned.

In reply, she moaned as she swiveled her hips slightly, grinding herself against his already aching groin, her nails ran down neck to his back, she grabbed his bottom and pushed him hard against her. A guttural growl escaped his lips as his hips surged forward trying to find some relief.

"Room… need to get you… to the room," he panted as he grabbed her by the hand once again and raced for the inn. The moment that he closed the door, his mouth captured hers with a hungry urgency as he pushed her against the nearest wall. Holding her, kissing her, her unique scent of vanilla, lavender and spices, inundating his senses causing his head began to spin and his groin tightened with raging desire. He just couldn't get enough of her.

Josie ran her tongue along his lower lip begging for admittance which he willingly granted. Her hands moved up his back to his neck and pressed him against her, deepening the kiss. He fed from the sweetness of her mouth. She moaned his name as she pressed her hips into him even more. He kissed a trail across her jaw and down her neck, pausing to suck on her pulse point, making her buck her hips and gasp in pleasure.

His hands ran over her body as he nimbly undid the latches on her armor and the rogue's vest fell to the floor with a thud. His lips crushed once again against hers as he fisted his hands in her hair. Anders lips moving over hers with bruising intensity, his body aching to be joined with hers. She tasted so fucking sweet, like honey and chocolate and the promise of sin...a lot of sin!

He broke the kiss when the need for oxygen became too great to ignore. He kissed his way down the column of her neck following the path that the scar from the Archedemon took to the pretty little indentation between her neck and shoulder. To some it might be an ugly reminder of a horrible nightmare, but to him it was a badge of honor...a testament to who she was.

He nipped and sucked the soft skin and smiled as she shivered against him with a soft whimper. Dropping his hands to her hips, he pulled her roughly against his throbbing groin before he lifted her up, Josie's legs automatically locked around his waist. He nibbled a path from the sweet, succulent flesh of her neck back to her ear where he captured the lobe between his teeth. He licked and sucked at her ear as he slowly, gently rocked his hips against her core, creating the most delicious friction.

With her still pressed against the wall, his hands slid down, grasped the bottom of her tunic. He pulled away from her slightly as he pulled the shirt over her head. He agilely removed the breast band. He smiled at the perfection that was her breasts.

"Beautiful..." he murmured as he reached for her, kneading the soft skin as he rubbed his thumbs over her nipples, delighting in the little gasps she made.

"Flawless...just like you," he groaned as he ducked his head, and his tongue over her right nipple while his fingers played with the other.

She half moaned, half laughed, "F-flawless..." He pulled her nipple between his teeth, nipping at it lightly before soothing the sting away with his tongue. She moaned as her hips bucked against him.

"Don't argue with me," Anders said as he slid his hand between them and sent a light electric current through her.

Josie moaned as her hands went to his chest and her fingers nimbly undid the hooks of his robe. She slid it off his shoulders then pulled on his tunic as she tugged it over his head. She ran her hands over his bare chest her fingers gently pinching at his tender nipples. He groaned against her neck as he lowered her legs to the ground and dropped to his knees in front of her, he ran his hands down her legs bringing her trousers down with him; leaving her wearing nothing but her black lace panties_._Hepushed her legs apart as he lowered his head, he kissed the inside of her thighs, first the left then the right, then he placed her right leg over his shoulder. He ran his nose along the edge of her drenched panties, breathing her in, his fingers toying with the waistband. His mouth covered her drenched panty-covered sex and sucked, she cried out in pleasure, her hips bucked away from the wall and against his mouth.

He hooked his fingers in the top of her panties, and slowly peeled them down her legs. Lowering his head, he flicked out his tongue, groaning as he got his first taste of her. Maker's breath she was sweeter than anything he had ever imagined. His mouth closed over the swollen nub as he slid his finger deep inside her hot wet core. Using his other hand to hold her hips against the wall, Anders feasted upon her. He used his lips, tongue, teeth, and fingers as he brought her to the edge time and time again, only to back off at the last moment, refusing to let her fall over.

"Please," she moaned.

He grinned up at her. "Was there something in particular you wanted?"

"Fucking tease," she panted.

Anders chuckled as he released a current of electricity into her. Her head fell back against the wall as her body trembled. "Yesss, Anders," she cried out.

"More!" She demanded and Anders eagerly obeyed.

She trembled against his mouth as her slick walls convulsed around his fingers. Her knees were shaking from the force of the orgasm, Anders stood up and pressed into her to keep her on her feet as she rode out the wave of pleasure quivering in his arms.

When she had returned back to him, Anders scooped her into his arms, carried her over to the bed and laid her down. He quickly undid his pants and let them fall to the floor. He eased himself between her legs, he grabbed his length and rubbed the tip against the swollen bundle of nerves, she moaned as her hips rose to him. Gritting his teeth, Anders slid into her slowly, his eyes fixed on where they were joined. He watched as he disappeared into her wet heat, inch by glorious inch, until he was buried deep inside her.

He stilled for a moment as he savored the sensation of her tight, wet core surrounding him, he wanted to preserve this moment, never wanting to forget how it felt to experience perfection. He gazed into her eyes as he gripped her hips; he pulled back and then thrust forward, burying himself in her again.

"Anders!" Josie cried.

He thrust hard into her tight body; she felt magnificent around him and he delighted in the pleasure-filled sounds he invoked from her filling the room. He ran one of his hands up her body and squeezed her left breast, rubbing his thumb over her taut nipple. Watching her as her body tremble against his as she called out his name over and over again.

"Fuck… so beautiful" he moaned.

She wrapped her legs around his waist taking him in even deeper. Anders buried his head in the crook of her neck as his tongue swirled and licked a path up to ear. He closed his lips around her earlobe and as he moved in and out of her slick center, he sucked and cherished her.

Her arms slid down his back to ass and she firmly gripped. "Anders, please," she begged. "Harder."

Beads of sweat formed on his forehead as he thrust his hips into hers harder, faster giving her what she wanted. She cried out his name as her walls spasmed, tightening and releasing rhythmically around him and it was more than he could bare as she pulled him over the edge with her, into pure ecstasy. He collapsed on top of her, his body shaking as he breathed heavily.

"That was amazing." Anders panted.

Josie purred with satisfaction as she ran her fingers through his hair, placing a light kiss on his head. "Mmm, I'm starting to understand what all the fuss is about you," she teased.

He pulled back and feigned a look of shock. "What do you mean starting to?"

"Well, that wasn't bad for a first run through, but there is room for improvement," she said playfully.

Anders eyes went wide with astonishment, but his cock immediately became hard while still inside of her.

"What?... Sweetheart, I'll give you room for improvement. By the time I've finished with you, you won't be able to walk straight," Anders replied.

"Promises, promises," Josie teased.

Anders immediately he pulled out of her, settled on his knees, grabbed her by the hips and pulled her to him. Her hips rose up to meet him and he poised at her opening then with a groan he slid just his tip inside her. He paused as he looked at her and drank in her absolute need for him, as she tried to push him further into her, but he held her hips firmly in place.

He slid another inch into her and stopped, then again he slow moved deeper into and paused.

She bucked against him, but he held her firmly. "Anders, please," she begged.

Anders smiled at her. "I like that… beg a little more," he teased as he slid his hand between them and sent a pulsing vibration against the taut pearl. She moaned as she arched her back. He stroked her until she cried out his name once more. Then he gripped her hips and thrust into her, burying himself completely. She cried out his name in a chorus of ecstasy as he proceeded to show her that his reputation was well deserved as he spent the next several hours showing her all of his many talents until they were both exhausted and completely sated.

Anders looked over at the gorgeous woman lying beside him. Her hair was a tangled mess from being pulled and grabbed, her skin was flushed with the afterglow of vigorous sex, and sweet contentment glistened in her eyes that only came from completely satisfied. In that moment he realized he loved her, he had actually fallen in love with her. For the first time in his life, someone else's happiness, comfort and joy was more important to him than his own. This is the feeling that all of those bards sang about. He finally understood. He wanted to tell her what he was feeling, but he knew that would send her running for the door. However, he had to let her know that for him this meant then just some casual fling.

He brushed a stray hair out of her eyes, leaned over kissed her cheek and whispered, "Tage."

She gave him a questioning look. "Tage?"

"My birth name is Tage."

A smile crept across her lips as she rolled on her side; she reached up cupped his cheek as her fingers entwined in his hair. "Tage…I like it."

"I-I haven't said that name since the Templars took me from my home and I haven't heard it spoken since my mother cried out my name as I was dragged away."

Her thumb tenderly stroked his cheek. "I'm so sorry. No one should be ripped from their family like that… what was your mother like?"

He had never spoken of his mother, not even to Karl because the memory of her was too painful, but as much as he wanted to know everything there was to know about Josie he also wanted her to know all that there was to know about him; for the first time in his life he wanted to bear his soul to this precious woman beside him.

"She was beautiful… I guess all young boys think that of their mothers but she truly was. I knew this by the way the men in the village looked and acted around her. She had light blond hair and deep green eyes… she played the lute and she would sing me to sleep at night. I remember she made the best apple strudel I ever tasted… I loved her and I know that she loved me."

"So it wasn't your mother that turned you over to the Chantry?" Josie asked.

"No, it was my Father." Anders stated as he felt his jaw tighten. He paused as he collected his thoughts. "I remember my father was desperately in love with my mother, he was completely devoted to her and extremely jealous when other men showed her attention. It wasn't until I was older and reflected back on my life that I realized that my father was also jealous of the love that my mother had for me, and the time that she spent with me was time that took her attention away from him. My mother knew about my magic early on. I believe I started to show signs when I was five and she urged me to keep it hidden and never use it in public or around my father. When I accidentally caught the barn on fire because a spell got out of control, I think that was the excuse my father was looking for to have me sent away so that he could once again have my mother all to himself."

"That's absolutely horrible," Josie said.

Anders was silent for a long moment. "That is why I have never told anyone my real name. My mother was the last person to use and I wanted to keep that as something that remained special to her. Does that make any sense?"

Josie rolled on her back and stared up at the ceiling as she nodded her head. Anders rolled towards her, propped himself up on his elbow as his other hand began to caress the tender skin on her stomach.

"My Father used to call me Pup. Fergus would occasionally use the endearment, but he tended to think of more creative and vulgar names to call me. However, ever since my parents' deaths he has never once used the name. I think out of reverence for my Father. It just wouldn't seem right to use it now."

Anders leaned down, kissed her bare shoulder and breathed in the scent of vanilla, lavender and spices now laced the musky scent of sex. She smelled divine and he was shocked to find his groin growing hard again. After all that incredible sex how could he be ready to go again?

As if reading his thoughts she grinned at him as she slid on top of him, the evidence of their love making still between her legs making his cock jerk with anticipation.

"Warden Stamina," she said impishly as she swirled her hips and a groan rumbled from his throat.

"Aaah so this is the famous stamina I have heard so much about. Well, this is definitely a good perk," he moaned as he pulled her to him, and together they put their stamina to the test.

* * *

><p><strong>AN - French lesson for the day - Mon precieux - my precious one. If this wrong, blame google translator. **

***A big hugs and thank you to the betalicious dyanimic duo, Bonkzy and Mistress Vo, for working** **their magic on this chapter. You two are awesome and I can't thank you enough!**


	6. Chapter 6 Sanctuary

**Chapter 6 – Sanctuary**

"Who needs the sun, when the rain's so full of life, who needs the sky

It's here in your arms I want to be buried, you are my sanctuary

Who needs the sun, when the rain's so full of life

Who needs the sky, when the ground's open wide

It's here in your arms I want to be buried, you are my sanctuary

Who needs a smile, when a tear's so full of love, who needs a home, with the stars up above

It's here in your heart I want to be carried, you are my sanctuary"

_Sanctuary by Madonna_

"What?" Oghren grunted.

"What, what?" Anders asked confused.

"You were staring at me, you manskirt - wearing freak."

"Oh, I just thought a cat had crawled on your face and died, but I realized it was just your beard," Anders chuckled.

"You think you're so clever, don't you? Sparkle-fingers!"

"Pretty much, yes."

Josie smiled as the banter between the mage and dwarf continued while she rode in relative silence back to the Keep, she was blissfully lost in her thoughts. It had been a long time since she had a night like the previous one, and she had nearly forgotten how good it felt to give and receive pleasure like that. There was no doubt about it - Anders reputation was well deserved. He was a generous and very talented lover, but it was more than his abilities in the bedroom had given her a peace that she forgot could even exist. This morning when she woke up still wrapped in his tender embrace, contentment washed over her like a warm blanket, removing a chill on a cool day.

For the first time ever she felt empowered and adventurous in her bedroom endeavors. Alistair, with a little tutoring and all that Grey Warden stamina, had become an excellent lover and the two of them had never lacked passion. She still hadn't been completely uninhibited with him, and she wasn't sure if it was remnants of her noble upbringing or maybe her inexperienced youth. Perhaps if they had stayed together they would have reached that point with one another. She would now never know.

However, with Anders, even before sleeping him, he gave her the freedom to explore and encouraged her to give into her desires… all of them. He had seduced her mentally long before he taken her physically and the mental seduction had made the physical one all the more sweeter. He had told her last night that he had never seen anything more delicious than to have her so wanton and so unrestrained with all her inhibitions gone. He was the first person that she had told about her fantasy to perform a pole dance because he made her feel bold and daring.

Damn she couldn't wait to get back to the Keep so that she could be alone with him; the thought of him between her legs, moving inside her made her tremble with a fierce hunger.

Nathaniel rode up beside her. "Anders is a very cheerful mood."

"Yes, it would seem that the fresh salt air did him some good," Josie replied.

"Right… more like the fresh pus…"

"I know you weren't about to say what I think you were going to say," Josie interrupted.

Nathaniel grinned at her. "I was going to say the fresh new Pushkin poem he read."

"Pushkin… Alexander Pushkin… Anders was reading an Alexander Pushkin poem?" Josie asked skeptically.

"What you don't believe me?"

"No."

"Anders what was that Pushkin poem you were going on about this morning," Nathaniel asked.

"It was called, _The Dream_," Anders replied.

"You know Pushkin?" Josie asked spinning in her saddle to look at him.

"Not long ago, in a charming dream, I saw myself - a king with crowns treasure;  
>I was in love with you, it seemed, and my heart was beating with a pleasure.<br>I sang my passion's song by your enchanting knees.  
>Why, dreams, you didn't prolong my happiness forever?<br>But gods deprived me not of whole their favor: I only lost the kingdom of my dreams," Anders recited.

Josie's mouth dropped open as he grinned back at her. "Lots of time to read in the Circle," he said and gave her a wink.

"See I told you, Jo," Nathaniel said smugly. "What did you think I was going to say?"

"Oh, never mind," Josie replied.

"Somehow, Josie my dear friend, I don't believe it was the fresh salt air or the Pushkin poem that has him smiling like the butcher's dog."

"Oh? And what do you think it was?"

"I believe the spring of his joy stems for all that fucking…" Josie's eyes went wide, but she couldn't stop the smirk from spreading on her lips. "…noise that was coming from your room that night."

"We weren't that loud," Josie hissed.

"Ha, I've heard whore houses that are quieter." Josie's face turned deep red. "And I couldn't be happier for you, Jo. You deserve some joy in your life."

Josie turned to her oldest friend and grinned. "Thanks, Nate."

They rode through the Keep's gates only to find a mob gathered in front of the main hall's doors. Varel and Captain Garevel are standing on the stairs trying to calm the unruly crowd. Josie leapt off of her horse and rushed up the stairs.

"Thank the Maker you have arrived; things are getting out of hand," Captain Garevel.

Josie surveyed the mob and noticed Loghain casually moving through the crowd. He leaned over and whispered in a man's ear. A moment later the man yelled, "The darkspawn are everywhere. You can see them from the city walls, but the commander will spare no soldiers for our protection."

She looked over at Nathaniel, he was moving toward Loghain with Anders right on his heels.

"Commander… Josie, maybe you can calm them down. Make them see reason," Varel stated.

"Varel, you don't coddle a rebellion, you put it down," Garevel grunted.

"My dear Feredens, now is not the time for us to squabble amongst ourselves. Your fellow citizen is correct - there are still darkspawn in the countryside of Amaranthine. The Keep's soldiers are fighting for your protection, but our numbers are few. We must work together. We must be united against this common foe."

"Well said, Commander," Varel whispered.

Josie's eyes followed Loghain as he moved deeper into the crowd. He whispered in a woman's ear who then quickly yelled out, "But my family is starving. You have plenty of food here at the Keep, but you let your people starve in the fields."

There was a resounding cheer of approval from the crowd. Nathaniel was gaining on the General; Josie just needed to buy him some time. "It is not my intention for you to starve. Varel, can we increase their grain rations?"

Varel was about to protest, but Josie shot him a disapproving look. He nodded, "Yes Commander I believe we can increase their rations."

"Citizens we will survive this together if we are willing to work together…"

"And what about the trade routes, they have been cut off by bandits. You do nothing about that while you gallivant off to Amaranthine and visit brothels with your Wardens. Who is paying for all those lap dances, Commander?"

Josie's jaw stiffened as she watched Loghain move away from the man. The Son of Bitch had spies watching her. She heard the distinct sound of swords being unsheathed. She would have the bastard's head for this she thought as she yelled, "To arms."

The battle had been short, but bloody. When it was all said and done over a dozen citizens laid in a pool of their own blood. She looked around and saw Loghain wiping blood off of his blade.

"Mac Tir!" She bellowed and everyone in the courtyard halted in their tracks as Josie advanced toward the object of her ire.

"Yes, Commander," he said calmly.

"I will have your head for this," Josie spat.

"For what, my dear Commander?" Loghain sneered.

"You know damn well what for! Innocent lives were lost here today because of you and your constant obsession to undermine my authority."

"Did the Commander take a blow to head? Because you aren't making a damn bit of sense, my dear."

"You were purposely inciting the mod to revolt."

"I was doing no such thing."

"We saw you," Nathaniel yelled at him. "You were moving through the crowd provoking them."

"I was trying to calm them down," Loghain remarked.

"Bullshit! Every person who hurled an accusation at the Commander did so right after you spoke with them," Anders interjected.

"Can I help it if the Arlessa is unpopular with her subjects?" Loghain asked.

"I believe the General's hairy bronto eggs would make a fine gift of thanks to the First Warden at Weisshaupt," Oghren growled.

"For once I actually agree with the dwarf," Anders stated.

"You have no proof and without proof you can't justify my death to Weisshaupt," Loghain said smugly.

"I could always send a fireball up his arse and say the spell went awry," Anders chuckled.

Josie glared at the man who had been a thorn in her side for way too long. He needed to be far away from her and her Wardens as possible. A sly grin spread across her face as her eyes narrowed on him. His arrogant demeanor shifted to uneasiness as he watched Josie's countenance change.

"Loghain, you are absolutely right," she purred as she sauntered up to him. "I cannot order your execution since I have no proof of your rebellious insubordination, but I can make you wish I had taken your head. I hereby order you to go to the Orlesian Grey Wardens. Since your armies made sure that most of the Ferelden Warden histories were destroyed you can do some much needed research for us."

"Well, that's an even better idea than using his butt smackers as a pin cushion," Oghren chuckled.

"You fucking bitch," Loghain hissed as he spat at her.

Without hesitation Nathaniel drew his arm back and sucker punched the traitor. Loghain stumbled back from the blow, but quickly regained his footing and started for the rogue until Anders froze him in place.

"Garevel, lock this Warden in his room and keep him under guard until I can send a message to Commander Leonie Caron in Orlais to expect one of my Wardens," Josie ordered.

"Yes, Commander," the Guard Captain said as he and his guards lifted the still frozen Warden to take him to his room.

"Varel, make sure these bodies are sent back to their families so that they can receive a proper funeral and please give each of the families ten sovereigns to try to compensate for their loss," she commanded.

"But Commander, that is a lot of gold," Varel stated.

"Just do it! These families not only lost a father, mother, son or daughter, but they very well may have lost the source of their livelihood because one of my Wardens provoked them into a revolt."

"Yes Commander," the Seneschal replied.

Josie warily made it into the Keep. She stopped by her office briefly to sort through the items that Varel had prioritized for her signature. She quickly read and signed the documents and was about to head to her room when she noticed a letter in Fergus' handwriting.

_Dearest Sister,_

_I am writing you with grave news. Nan has fallen seriously ill and is now bedridden. I would ask for you to send a healer, but I believe that it is her age just catching up with her. She has been asking for you and I fear that it her unrelenting desire to see you one last time that has kept her alive. _

_Please come as quickly as possible so that our governess my pass into the Fade in peace._

_Your loving brother,_  
><em>Fergus<em>

Josie had planned on heading to the Black Marsh tomorrow, but would have to wait a few days. This was much more important. She quickly scribbled out a reply that she would leave for Highever in the morning then sent it Varel to send by bird messenger at dawn's first light. The bird would beat her only by a couple of hours, but she wanted to reassure Fergus that she was on her way. She said a quick prayer that Nan would hold onto until she made it home then headed for her room.

When she entered the room was aglow with dozens of candles, a hot steamy bath had been drawn for her and a bottle of her favorite Antivan brandy was sitting on the nearby table. She smiled at her mage's intuition to know exactly what to say or do to make her feel better. She poured a tall glass of brandy, took a long sip then topped it off before she quickly slipped out of her dirty armor and slipped into the bath with her glass of brandy.

The hot water felt so good, it instantly soothed her aching muscles. She took another long sip of brandy then sat it on the nearby table as she laid her head back against the rim of the tub. Her anger over the day's events began to ebb and her thoughts drifted to Anders and the first time that she had met him. She wondered if he had stayed if she would have still ended up with Alistair.

_She had come across him in the woods just north of Lothering. It had been a month since Ostagar and although she and Alistair had definite chemistry she had been put off by his initial hesitation to lead and to leave all the decisions up to her. _

_They had been fighting a rogue band of darkspawn when they become separated from Morrigan and Leliana. Alistair had been gravely injured during the fight. Josie knew basic first aid, but the gash in his side needed the expert hands of a healer. She had moved his unconscious body into a nearby cave then she did the best she could stop the flow of blood. Then she started a fire to try to keep him warm. It was late in the evening when she had heard a skirmish a short distance from the cave. _

_Josie reached out through her taint to confirm that it wasn't darkspawn then she drew her sword and faded into the shadows to investigate the disturbance. She didn't have to walk far before she came across a scene that caused the bile in her stomach to rise. Three Templars had a mage on the ground and were beating the shit out of him. Anger ripped through her the injustice she was seeing. Three against one was just downright immoral. _

_"You boys think three on one is a fair fight," Josie said as she emerged from the shadows._

_"Stay out of this, woman. It's none of your concern," one of the Templars spat at her._

_"It is when you when this mage is outnumbered and you are beating the shit out of him," Josie replied._

_The Templar spun to face her, his sword pointed right at her chest. "I said, stay out of this or you will find yourself in the same position as him."_

_Josie laughed as she slid into the shadows, reappearing behind the arrogant son of a bitch, with one of her daggers at the man's throat and the other between his legs threatening his ability to ever father a child._

_"Tell your men to back the fuck off or you'll be singing an octave higher in the next few minutes," she hissed. _

_"Dougray, Oliver stop!" The Templar ordered._

_Both of the Templars stopped and looked up to see the predicament that their colleague was in. Josie leaned around the body of the Templar she was holding at knife point and smiled. "Hello Dougray and Oliver, here is what's going to happen, you're going to step away from the nice mage and drop your weapons or your friend here," she paused and looked at the Templar. "I didn't catch your name?"_

_"Pierce," he hissed._

_"Or Pierce here is about to lose his ability make babies."_

_"T-t-t-templars don't make babies," Oliver stuttered in slow sounding voice that indicated that the man was a few mages short of a circle._

_"For you that's probably a good thing," Josie replied and she heard a muffled laugh coming from the mage. _

_"Lyrium withdrawal," he mumbled._

_"Great, not only am I dealing with close minded, sadistic Templars, but drug addicted ones to boot."_

_"You'll pay for this, bitch. You are interrupting Chantry business," Dougray growled._

_"Such language for a man that is supposed to be representing the Chantry, but here's the thing you're interrupting my business and my affairs are more important not to mention they affect us all," Josie replied sardonically._

_"O-oh and what business is that?" Oliver said slowly._

_"Killing darkspawn and you can't have this mage because he is going with me," Josie replied._

_"Under whose authority?" Dougray demanded._

_"Under the authority given to the Grey Wardens to conscript whoever they see fit in times of a Blight," Josie spit back._

_"A Grey Warden…I thought you all died at Ostagar," Pierce muttered. _

_"Not all of us, but since our numbers have dwindled if you don't want me to conscript your asses too then I suggest drop your weapons and leave. Once I feel you pose no threat to me or this mage I will release Pierce here."_

_They nodded then did as instructed. Her hands had begun to cramp, but she waited as long as she could before she released the last Templar. Pierce dropped his sword then hurried off to find his fellow companions. _

_Josie knelt down beside the mage, "We need to get out of here before they change their minds. Can you stand?"_

_"Yes," the mage replied and cautiously rose to his feet. He was tall, but well built. The hood to his robes had remained in place covering his face, but his voice was very alluring. She really hoped the face matched the voice._

_"Can you heal yourself?" Josie asked._

_"Not yet, they drained my mana," he replied weakly. _

_"Can you walk or do you need some assistance?"_

_"If it means I get to press up against you then I do believe I will need your aid," he chuckled as he slid his arm around her waist._

_"Well, you can't be too injured if you have enough strength to make a pass at me," she replied as she slipped her arm around his waist and led him back to their cave. _

Josie smiled at the memory. The Maker definitely had a twisted sense of humor; to have her conscript the same man sixteen months later was beyond ironic it was downright hilarious. She was glad this time he stuck around long enough to go through the joining, but she had to wonder how long a free spirit like Anders would be able to stay in one place. Hopefully long enough to have many more orgasm filled nights.

She thought about him last night and what wonderful lover he had been. Images of him on his knees as he pulled her hips to join him, the deliciously slow way he had entered her. Josie's hand skimmed across her breast, fingers caressing, pinching at her nipples.

Anders had looked magnificent with all that blond hair loose around his handsome face, his eyes shining with delight every time he made her come… Oh Maker, all those wonderful orgasms he had given her.

Her hand slid between her legs as picture of his head between her thighs, his lips glossy from her need for him. Her fingers slide between her folds and stroked as she thought about Anders mouth and tongue there… that man's tongue was magical and the very thought of it forced a moan from her lips.

"What are you thinking about?" Anders whispered as his warm breath stroked the skin on the side of her neck just before his tongue licked a path down to her collar bone.

"You," she signed.

"And what about me exactly?" He asked in a low sultry voice.

"Your tongue in particular."

"Oh and what exactly was my tongue doing," Anders purred in her ear just before his lips clasped over her earlobe as his hand slip into the water and cupped her breast. His thumb caressed her nipple before he brought forefinger up to gently pinch it. She moaned as her head fell back.

"I want to hear you say it, Jo, what was my tongue doing?"

"It was stroking me."

"Where?"

She grabbed his hand, slid it down her body and between her legs. "Here."

Anders moved to her side, she noticed that he was naked as his fingers skimmed over her curls, gently stroking, tenderly teasing. Instinctively her hips rose to meet his hand.

"Eager?" Anders asked. She moaned her response as she pressed against his hand.

"Tell me, Phine. What do you want?"

She looked him directly in the eyes and smiled. "I want you to make me come."

"Gladly," he laughed as he stepped into the tub, knelt before her scooped her legs up to bringing her up to his waist. Water splashed out onto the floor, but she didn't care. All she wanted was to have him back inside her. She reached between them and guided him into her…widening her…filling her…completing her. He pulled back then thrust back into her.

"F-fuck…Anders…you feel incredible."

"I've missed you, I've missed this," he moaned against her neck as he bit into her shoulder at the same time he plunged deeper into her. The pleasure and pain coursed through her, she pulled his hair forcing him to look at her.

Animalistic hunger, fevered lust stared back at her driving her further. Her hands captured his face, her mouth claimed his and she kissed him ravenously, her tongue eagerly exploring him, tasting him, devouring him.

Anders desperately grasped her hips, pushing deeper into her, needing to bury himself in her. The length of him filled her fully, perfectly. Her head fell back as she moved with him, each hard thrust bring her closer and closer to the edge.

With one hand still around her waist, he raised the other to caress her face, his thumb stroked her lower lip and she drew his thumb into mouth and began to suck. His body quivered against hers.

"Y-you're fantastic," he whispered hoarsely.

He wrapped both of his arms around her waist, pressed her against him as he drove long, hard thrusts deep inside her. Over and over again he drove deep into her, her nails dug into his shoulders as she cried out his name, matching his tempo.

"A-anders… Maker, yes," she moaned.

As his mouth sucked at her nipple she felt the orgasm began to gather in her core, her back arched against his arms, but he held her tightly against his chest, she felt herself constrict around him as the wave of ecstasy crashed down on her. The orgasm so pure and sweet it felt as if she were floating.

"F-fuck Jo," he moaned against her chest as he drove harder and faster into her as he continued to cry out her name, the sound of water splashing all over the floor. Another powerful orgasm rippled through, her muscles constricted rhythmically around him, taking Anders over the edge with her. He buried his head against her neck, panting as he breathed her in.

"You smell delicious," he moaned.

She laughed. "What do I smell like?"

"Vanilla, lavender, spice…the bad thing about having sex in a tub is there is no smell of sex… and I love the luscious smell of sex on your skin," Anders purred as he gracefully stood up with her legs still wrapped around his waist and walked over to the bed. Not caring that they both were dripping wet, he laid her down as he grinned at her before he began to kiss his way up her leg.

"I'm going to have to remedy that," he signed just before his tongue sank into her sending her mind reeling once again.

* * *

><p><strong>AN - A huge thank you to those of you who have favored, alerted and reviewed this story. You make my day so much brighter. I always look forward to hearing your thoughts.**

***A huge thank you to my Beta Gurus, Bonkzy and Mistress Vo, for their most excellent skills at making me look good. Thank you for all that you do. You rock, my friends!**


	7. Chapter 7 Adore

**Chapter 7 – Adore**

"That's why until the end of time, I'll be there 4 U

U own my heart and mind, I truly adore U

If God 1 day struck me blind, your beauty I'll still see

Love is 2 weak 2 define, just what U mean 2 me

When we be makin' love, I only hear the sounds

Heavenly angels cryin' up above tears of joy pourin' down on us

They know we need each other, they know U are my fix

I know, U know that I ain't cheatin' baby

They know this is serious, this ain't just for kicks, No

This condition I got is crucial, U could say that I'm a terminal case

U could burn up my clothes smash up my ride, well maybe not the ride

But I got 2 have your face all up in the place

I'd like to think that I'm a man of exquisite taste

A hundred percent Italian silk, imported Egyptian lace

But nothin' baby, I said nothin' can compare

2 your lovely face (do U know what I'm sayin' 2 U?)"

_Adore by Prince_

Before the sun had even crested the hills surrounding the Keep, Anders was up, he kissed Josie on the cheek then made his way down to Varel's room. He gave the Senechal plans and instructions for a private bathing area in her chambers to be built during her absence. Then he went to the kitchen, fixed Josie a tray of food and brought it up to her room. He feathered kisses down her neck until she moaned with pleasure.

"Time to get up sleepy head, we have a long day ahead of us. I brought you some breakfast," he said.

"Mmmm, but the bed is so warm. Come back and join me for just a little while," she purred.

"You're such little desire demon, but it was you that wanted to leave for Highever at the crack of dawn. Remember Sweetheart," Anders reminded her.

"But it was you that woke me with all those sweet kiss and now you're going to leave me so wanting. That's just cruel," she moaned, nearly driving Anders crazy with desire.

"Your seductive ways have no effect on me," Anders said as he sat down at the table and spread some jam on his scone.

"Oh really?"

"Yep, I'm a pillar of self-control," Anders stated.

"Uh-huh," Josie said. She was quiet for a few minutes then he heard a slight moan came from the bed. Anders looked up and his scone fell out of hand. Her right hand was tenderly caressing her breasts and nipples while her other hand was beneath the covers, between her legs. Anders eyes widened, mesmerized by the scene in front of him. She was perfect and Maker help him, he was desperately in love with her.

Her hand began to move more quickly beneath the sheet and her breath quickened. When she moaned his name he was out of his chair in an instant, on the bed between her legs.

"What a fine example of self-control you are," she moaned.

"Self-control is overrated," Anders growled as he completely gave himself over to her and his insatiable appetite for her.

_**XxX**_

When they finally made their way out to the courtyard, Nathaniel was waiting for them.

"About bloody time, I thought we were leaving at the ass crack of dawn, it's nearly Noon," Nathaniel grunted.

"It's barely nine O'clock, Howe," Anders retorted as he mounted Wizard.

"Aye, and from all the noise coming from the Commander's room, the two of you have been up for quite some time. Next time just give me a heads up that the two of you are going to have some morning delight so I can sleep in later," Nathaniel groaned.

"Spontaneity, ever heard of the word?" Anders asked.

Nathaniel reached over and smacked the back of Anders' head. "How was that for being spontaneous?"

Josie giggled.

"Not bad," Anders grunted as he rubbed the back of his head.

Josie rode hard only taking breaks for the horses to rest and drink some water. As the sun beat down on them, Anders thought about the first time that he had met Josie. It had been outside of Lothering. The Templars had found him near the Korcari Wilds and were dragging him back to the Circle. Josie had saved him that night from the hands of the Templars and taken him back to her cave where Alistair laid unconscious and bleeding. As soon as enough of his mana had returned, Anders had healed the warrior, but the man had remained comatose due to the blood loss. A smile spread across his lips as the conversation of that night replayed in his mind.

_She looked at him from across the fire, curiosity dancing in her eyes. _

"_Are you ever going to remove your hood?"_

"_You know what they about curiosity and the cat," Anders replied._

_She grinned at him and his stomach fluttered. She had the most radiant smile and he wanted to lose himself in the warmth of it. "Curiosity is the very foundation of all acquired knowledge so if you are about to tell me that curiosity killed the cat then I say the cat died nobly."_

_Anders laughed. "Spoken like a true scholar, not a fierce fighter."_

"_My quest for knowledge is as passionate as my zeal for battle," Josie replied._

_Anders eyes flared with hunger for this woman that he had just met and he had a burning desire to learn everything there was to know about her. "A woman after my own heart; so besides knowledge and fighting, what else are you passionate about?"_

_Her eyes flickered over to unconscious warrior then back over to him. "Aaah, I see. I thought I sensed a strong bond between the two of you, but I did not realize that it went beyond the ties of your order."_

"_When you are the last two Wardens in all of Ferelden, the ruling General has placed a bounty on your head and you are trying to raise an army to fight an epic evil…those kinds of odds tend to bond people together."_

_She was a woman of honor and esteem and his heart swelled with admiration for her, but the raw emotions he saw in her earlier as she begged him to heal the warrior also told him that her feelings for this man ran deep. How very sad? He had never seen himself as a man that could commit to just one woman, but from the little time that he had spent with her, he could see how easily it would be to fall for her._

"_Back to my original question, are you ever going to remove your hood? You are now a Warden. I would like to know who I am working with."_

"_Yes, about that. I didn't escape one prison to be locked up in another."_

_She raised an eyebrow as an impish grin spread across her luscious lips. "So you consider spending time with me a prison sentence? I didn't know I would have to break out my leather corset and riding crop?"_

_Anders burst out laughing. Damn, she was fantastic; such a perfect combination of beauty, brains and playfulness. "Gorgeous and naughty…you definitely are a girl after my own heart."_

"_I promise I will make your time with the Wardens enjoyable," she cooed._

_Anders shook his head. "I'm sure you would and as tempting as your offer is, my place is not with your order. I saved your companion's life, in return I ask that you let me go."_

"_Oh, so we are negotiating?"_

"_Always."_

_She smirked. "Well I might consider it if you remove your hood."_

_Anders laughed. "I believe that it is your passion for knowledge that drives you to see what lies underneath my robes."_

_Josie laughed. It was such a carefree, boisterous laugh and it was very contagious. Anders couldn't help but join in. "Something like that. I'm curious if the face is as sexy as the voice."_

"_If your heart wasn't already spoken for, it would be my pleasure and yours to give you a guided tour," Anders purred._

"_Oh my, aren't you the cocky one."_

"_Sweetheart, don't mistake confidence for cockiness. There is a very big difference."_

"_Do tell."_

"_Confidence is knowing that you have the skills to back your claims, cockiness is bragging about your skills, but lacking the ability to back up your claims."_

_She smiled at him. "Well said."_

"_You, mon precieux, are a woman that is very confident in her skills and in herself… that is extremely attractive. As I said, if your heart was not already spoken for I believe I would stay. Getting to know you would be a very pleasurable experience," he replied. His voice ragged with desire that he was struggling to suppress._

_She smiled so seductively his groin immediately jumped to attention. "Yes, it would."_

_Anders laughed. "Maker, you are really making it difficult to walk away from you."_

_They talked late into the night, but eventually sleep finally overtook her. He walked over to her, eased her down onto the bedroll. She moaned in her sleep and Anders groaned as an ache in his chest bloomed at the thought of leaving her. He bent down and brushed her hair out of her face. _

"_Mon precieux, in another life time we would have been great together," he whispered as he brushed his lips against hers then disappeared into the night._

Anders had thought about her often and fantasized about her even more after that night. The day that she rushed into that room at the Keep he knew for once he had done something right in the Maker's eyes to send her back into his life. He looked over at her and she smiled at him. He had been right, they were great together.

It was midday when they rode into the courtyard of the huge captivating castle; Josie had barely brought her horse to a halt before leaping off of it and rushing up the stairs. The mammoth doors to the main hall opened and a handsome, tall man with dark hair stepped out. Josie jumped into his arms. This had to be her brother, the Teyrn of Highever.

Anders approached them from behind, Nathaniel lingering in the distance.

Fergus kissed the side of her cheek, "It's good to see you, LuLu. I know it's only been a couple of months since you left for Vigil's Keep, but…" his voice trailed off.

"I know, Brother, that is why I'm here."

He hugged her again and then released her. Josie took her brother by the arm and led him over to them. "Fergus, I would like you to meet my fellow Grey Warden this is Anders and you know Nate."

Anders bowed, "Your Grace, it's a pleasure to meet you."

"Oh no need for that bowing stuff," Fergus said as he extended his hand, shocking Anders that a nobleman would so readily accept a mage. Anders took his hand and shook it.

"Any friend of my sisters is a friend of mine… except for you, Howe," Fergus said looking at the stoic rogue standing a distance away.

"Fergus!" Josie declared.

The Teyrn marched up to Nathaniel, exuding power and authority that came with his station. Anders had to give Nathaniel credit, he held his ground and stared Fergus down. "My sister says that you had nothing to do with murder of my family and that you had no knowledge of what your father was planning. If I find any evidence to the contrary, I will have your head, but I trust Josie's judgment and information so I am glad to welcome you back to Highever, my brother," Fergus said as he pulled Nathaniel into a tight embrace.

"F-fergus… I am so sorry for your lose and your forgiveness is more than I deserve after what my family has done to yours," Nathaniel stuttered.

"It was not your family that brought an army down on my home; it was your father and is he dead at the hands of my sister. I am glad that you are back safe on Ferelden soil."

Anders now knew that it wasn't just Josie who was fair and just in her judgments, but obvious that it was a family trait.

"How is Nan?" Josie asked.

"Resting comfortably in her room, she is very anxious to see you," Fergus said.

"Then I will go to her right away," Josie replied.

Anders followed her through the ancient castle to a room that was not in the servants' quarters, but near the family rooms. A clear sign of how important this woman was to the Cousland family. Josie tapped briefly before opening the door and stepping into the dimly lit room. In the center of a large bed rested an older looking woman, but certainly not a woman old enough to be near the Fade's door. As Anders entered the room he felt the tendril remnants of healing magic in the air and wondered if a Healer had recently been here.

Josie's nanny heard the door open, she opened her eyes and lifted her gaze to Josie, her features immediately changed as a blissful smile spread across her face, giving her the appearance of renewed strength.

"Oh Nan…" Josie exclaimed as she rushed to the woman's side and grasped her hand.

"My dear child, it brings this old woman's soul much joy to gaze upon your lovely face one last time."

"You're not old and please don't say that, Nan," Josie begged.

"It's my time, Duckie. Not even you with all your strength and charm can stop the Fade from calling," Nan said.

"Well, even so, please humor me and let my healer examine you," Josie asked. The woman nodded her consent and Anders approached the bed.

He smiled warmly at her. "Hello, my name is Anders."

A glowing smile spread across her lips. "Oh my Duckie, where did you pick this luscious plum from?"

"Nan!" Josie exclaimed.

"I'd warn you that she bites, Anders, but I do believe she is missing most of her teeth," Fergus chuckled from the door.

"Don't you listen to him, Sonny, I still have all my teeth and I don't bite unless you ask me too," she said with a wink.

Anders laughed as he looked over at Josie. "Well, now I know where you get it from."

"Maker's arse, who are you and what have you done with my Nan?" Josie demanded.

"When you get to be my age and you know your time is short there is no reason to beat around the bush and waste time with pleasantries," Nan chuckled.

Anders raised his hands. "This won't hurt, but you might feel a warm tingle."

As Anders moved his hands over Nan's body the woman looked over at Josie and grinned. "Ooo, that feels nice. Does he make you warm and tingly, Duckie?"

Anders began to cough as Josie's eyes went wide with shock and Fergus began to laugh. "Yes, do tell sister, does Anders make you warm and tingly?"

"What the hell is wrong with this family? Have you all lost your bloody minds?"

"Oh you can't fool me, love. I may be old, but I'm not blind. I can see the way you look at him and he most certainly has the look of a man in love," Nan stated matter-of-factly.

Anders felt the blood rush to his cheeks. For being in the last stage of her life, this woman didn't miss much.

"Can we gag her?" Josie asked.

"I've tried. It doesn't work for long," Fergus chuckled.

Anders examined her thoroughly then he sat down beside her, gently took her hand in his and smiled tenderly at her. "How old did you say were?"

"I didn't Sonny, but if you are asking me out on a date, I believe you are a little too young for me."

Anders laughed. "My loss then."

"Yes, it is," Nan agreed with a grin.

"Why do you want to know about her age?" Fergus asked.

"Well, from the stories that I've heard from Josie, I expected a younger woman and with your appearance and mannerisms I would have guessed your age to be in the mid-sixties, but your organs tell a much different story," Anders exclaimed.

"Oh and what does my body tell you, Ser Healer?" Nan asked.

"That you are closer to being a hundred," Anders replied.

A smile spread across her lips as she looked up at Josie. "You have found yourself an excellent mage, Duckie. You need to hang on to him."

"H-how is that possible?" Fergus asked.

Anders watched as Josie's mouth fell open as memories flooded through her mind as the pieces fell into place and she came to the conclusion that he had already arrived at. She whispered, "Nan, you're a mage."

Nan remained quiet, but her warm smile remained.

"That is why healing magic felt so familiar the first time Wynne healed me…because that wasn't the first time I had ever been healed."

"But how?" Fergus asked.

"Always from a distance and only when you were young or if the injury was serious," Nan replied.

"But how have you remained so young?" Josie asked.

"It really isn't difficult if a mage is well versed in healing and knows how to brew the right potions," Anders answered for her.

"And my parents… did they know?" Fergus asked.

"Your mother suspected, but never asked. You're father knew," Nan stated.

"The night of the a-attack…" Josie's voice broke.

"I did everything in my power to save your father, but his injuries were beyond my ability to heal. As Howe's men broke through the kitchen door your mother sent me through the secret passage. I'm sorry, Duckie…I'm so sorry."

"It's alright, I know you would have healed him if you could," Josie said as she patted the woman's hand.

"I thought I felt healing magic when I entered the room," Anders stated.

Nan's eyes narrowed on him. "I have been healing myself, waiting to see my dear girl one last time. For such a young mage, you are very connected to the Fade. Are you a spiritual healer?"

Anders nodded.

"Then a powerful mage, you are, but be careful my dear boy. Even benevolent spirits can be corrupted, but more importantly your strong connection to the Fade will inevitably draw the attention of some very powerful demons. You will constantly need to be on your guard."

Anders nodded in understanding. "I know and thank you for your concern. I am always vigilant. When I was examining you, I cast a relaxation spell, but are you in any pain? Do you need a pain tonic?"

Nan shook her head as the effects of the spell began to sink in. "That was a very strong spell you cast and I believe that is all that I need right now."

Josie leaned down and kissed her cheek. "I will let you get some rest. I will check on you before I head down to dinner."

"I am so glad that I got to see you again. I love you, Duckie," Nan said as she smiled lovingly at Josie.

"I love you too, Nan," Josie replied as she headed for the door.

"I will check on you too," Anders said as he started to stand, but Nan, surprisingly strong for her condition, pulled him back down to her side.

"We both know I will not make it through the night. Once she heads down to dinner, don't let her come back here…I don't want her to remember me like that…in throes of death. Please…give me your word," she whispered.

"You have my word, dear lady. I promise," Anders replied.

"And promise me that you will be good to her," Nan begged.

"Of that you will never have to worry about. If she will let me, I want to spend the rest of my life being good to her," Anders vowed.

"Good, she has been through so much, she needs some joy in her life," Nan said as she drifted off to sleep.

Anders stopped by Nan's room to check on her on his way down to dinner and wasn't surprised to find Josie there. His breath hitched in his throat when he saw her. He had never seen her dress as a noble and he had to admit she was the most exquisite creature he had ever seen. She wore a scarlet red velvet gown, that had a tight low cut bodice and was decorated in gold beads and gold embroidery. The velvet sleeves were tight on her upper arms, but at the elbow the material was a sheer gold, long and wide. Her long black tresses hung loosely around her face, accenting her sapphire eyes.

Josie smiled warmly at him as he approached the bed. Anders quickly examined Nan. He could tell that the relaxation spell was still working; she was in a deep sleep and not in any pain. Her breathing was slightly labored, but not critical yet. However, her extremities were cold to the touch. The heat from her body was moving to its core trying to keep the vital organs warm and functioning. The old mage had been right, she wouldn't make it through the night and Anders would do everything in his power to make sure that Josie wasn't there when this woman passed into the Fade.

"Is she in any pain?" Josie asked as she looked up at him. His heart ached at the thought of the pain she would be in this time tomorrow.

"No, she is resting comfortably."

"I'm no stranger to death Anders, I know she is trying to protect me. She is dying isn't she?"

Anders lips twitched as a smile threatened to spread across his face. Her uncanny ability to perceive situations and discern the unspoken truth never ceased to amaze him.

"Yes and it was her final wish for you not to witness it," Anders replied, knowing that there was no reason to keep the truth from her.

Josie gave a curt nod. "Then I will respect her last request, but promise me that you won't let her suffer."

Anders pulled her into his arms and he felt her melt into his embrace. He kissed the top of her head as he stroked her hair. "I will do everything in my power to keep her comfortable. I promise you."

"Thank you, Anders."

Anders slid his fingers under her chin and forced her to look up at him. "Anything for you, Josie, I would do anything for you."

He bent down and gently pressed his lips to hers, his mouth moving lovingly…reassuringly against hers. She tasted so sweet, like honey and wine and he needed to stop before his groin gave away how much he wanted her. The last thing he needed was to have a raging hard-on while having dinner with her brother. He pulled away and a small moan escaped her lips.

He chuckled. "Trust me, love I would rather have you for dinner, but I do believe your brother would be a little put out if we skipped the meal that he had especially prepared for your return."

"Oh, he would get over it," she cooed as she pressed into him, making it even harder to resist her.

"Yes, but he would also hold it over me for the rest of my life. No thank you, I want your brother to like me."

"Oh alright," she sighed as they headed down to the dining room.

They had enjoyed a fabulous meal together as stories about Josie's childhood with Nathaniel and Fergus were exchanged. This home had been filled with love and the Cousland children had been cherished. It made Anders jealous of all the things that he had missed with his mother because of the discrimination and injustice that mages received.

Nathaniel's boisterous laughter pulled Anders out of his thoughts. "Do you remember when Jo was little during the Santinalia Festival, she would go around and bite the heads off of everyone's chocolate nugs?"

Fergus chuckled and smirked at Josie, "Yes, I put a stop to that, didn't I Lu?"

"Chocolate nugs?" Anders asked.

"Yes, as part of my family's Santinalia tradition my parents made us these basket for the kids that had treats in them including chocolate nugs. The night before the Santinalia Festival would begin, my parents would hide these baskets and the next morning we would have to hunt for them. Nate's family would visit us at the beginning of the festival and my parents always made baskets for all the Howe children too. Every year Josie would get up in the middle of the night, find everyone's baskets and bite the heads off of all the chocolate nugs."

Josie laughed, "What can I say, a girl has to have her chocolate."

"So to teach her a lesson Fergus and I made chocolate nugs laced with cascara sagrada…"

"Oh no," Anders chuckled as he looked over at Josie who was now as red as her dress. Anders knew that cascara sagrada a powerful laxative, and if too much was ingested it could have disastrous results.

"We waited until my parents had gone to bed then replaced all of the nugs with our special concoction. The following morning as usual, all the heads of the nugs had been bitten off in the middle of the night," Fergus explained and gave a conspiratorial smile at Nathaniel.

Howe grinned back and picked up the rest of the story. "Well, to truly teach Jo a lesson we didn't feel that it was enough to just have her spend an entire day sitting in the loo, that really wasn't the humiliation we were going for. I had done some research on cascara sagrada knew that it could take up to six hours for the herb to take effect so after breakfast we suggested a ride to the Bluffs, which is about forty-five minutes from here. As you know Jo loves to ride and she eagerly agreed. We had just laid out the blanket when we noticed the first twinge hit her. She tried to play it off as nothing, but the longer we were there, the more uncomfortable she was becoming." Nathaniel started to laugh so hard he couldn't continue, so Fergus proceeded to tell the rest of the tale.

"Sweat began to form on her brow, her cheeks were flushed and she kept grabbing at her stomach, but being the stubborn girl that she is she refused to admit anything was wrong. Finally she leapt to her feet and declared that she was bored and headed home. She jumped on her horse and began to race home like a Nug with its tail on fire."

Fergus joined in with Nathaniel's laughter and it took several minutes for him to gain his composure to continue.

"Nate and I finally caught up to her just as she raced into the courtyard…t-the first thing I noticed was the bloody smell. It smelled like a rotten bronto... I nearly lost the entire content of my stomach…and then I noticed that Josie's new white Santinalia dress that our mother had just bought her was covered in what look like brown mud, but as we got closer we realized it wasn't m-mud…"

Nathaniel and Fergus broke out into a fit of hysterical laughter and Anders had to bite his lip to keep from laughing.

"I had never been so embarrassed in my entire life," Josie muttered, shooting both of them dirty looks.

"Yeah, but you never ate anyone's nug again," Fergus said through bouts of laughter.

"I haven't eaten a chocolate nug since! Thank you very much!"

"How did you find out it was the chocolate nugs?" Anders asked.

"Nan. When she saw how "sick" I was and how I couldn't be more than a few feet away from a chamber pot for several days, she did some investigating. As you might know cascara sagrada has a very distinct smell, one sniff and she knew what had happened and she went straight to my father. No one could withstand an interrogation from my father and it was only a matter of time before Fergus was blabbering like a baby," Josie stated smugly.

"What did your father do to make you confess?" Anders asked.

"My father was one of those men that you did everything in your power not to disappoint, not because he would be cruel or punish you, but because you wanted him to respect you. He sat me down in his office and said, 'Fergus my boy, I can understand your frustration over the chocolate nugs. Having three brothers myself, I can understand your desire to seek revenge. But what will make me lose all respect for you, my boy, is if you lie to me about your part in this situation. I will only ask you once; did you have anything to do with the cascara sagrada chocolate nugs?'" Fergus explained.

"Ouch, he pulled out the respect card? That had to hurt," Nathaniel exclaimed.

"It did because it was my father's respect that I wanted more than anything else, so I confessed immediately ," Fergus said.

Josie smiled warmly at her brother. "You took all of the blame, never once indicating Nate's involvement. I believe that is what earned Father's respect even more than admitting the truth."

Fergus' eyes went wide. "He knew that I covered for Nate?"

"Come on, Fergus, of course he knew. You and Nate were joined at the hip as boys. Father knew if you were involved so was Nate, but he respected your willingness to take all of the blame," Josie explained. The room fell silent as everyone's thoughts drifted back to the late Teyrn.

"To Bryce Cousland," Nathaniel said as he raised his glass.

"To Bryce," the others chanted.

* * *

><p><strong>AN – Thanks again to all of my loyal readers and to everyone that has added this story to their favs and alert lists. I appreciate it. I'm also grateful to everyone that has shared their thoughts and opinions with me. I love hearing how you felt about a chapter.**

***If you are a Mass Effect fan I recently started writing a ME3 story called Someone Like You. It is a love triangle between Shepard/Alenko/Vega. It will be told from Alenko and Vega's POVs. It will highlight parts of the game, but will not be a retelling of it. Not an AU, but some liberties have been taken for the sake of the plot. I hope you will check it out.**

***This next song is a couples skate for the awesome Beta Queens, Jinxy and Bonkzy.**

**"You are the Beta Queens, young and sweet, only seventeen**  
><strong>Beta Queens, feel the period as you proof read<strong>  
><strong>You can slash, you can mash, in a dash with your red pen<strong>  
><strong>See those girls, watch that scene, digging the Beta Queens"<strong>


	8. Chapter 8 Don't You Know

**Chapter 8 – Don't You Know**

"You came along when I was losing my way

You touched my heart and now I'm ready to say

That all your sweetness callin' back ugly skies

And now I've fallen for the look in your eyes

I couldn't ask for more

You're what I'm looking for, oh

You, you make my life much bright, baby

You're always on my mind

Don't you know you, you make my load much light, baby

True love is ours to find"

_Don't You Know by Madonna_

_Nan cradling a crying three year old Josie; holding her tiny burnt hand in her own, the warm sensation of healing magic flowing over the blistered fingers soothing them and restoring them._

_Josie cowering under the dining room table as horrible thunderstorm raged outside, thunder so loud it felt as if it shook the castle walls. Nan crawling under the table with her, drawing her into her arms as she sang,"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know dear how much I love you; please don't take my sunshine away."_

_Josie, as a young girl, tossing an Antivan Language book across the room; she glared definitely at Nan as she growled, "I can't do this. I am never going to learn how to translate this sentence."_

_"Can't, never did anything, but 'I will' always wins the race," Nan replied as she picked up the book and handed it back to her._

_Josie racing down the castle hallways with Fergus in hot pursuit, Josie rounding the corner to find Nan standing there, Josie ducking to hid behind her. Fergus turning the corner and letting the bucket of pig slop fly, dosing Nan from head to toe in muck. Nan laughing as she chased Fergus back out into the courtyard._

As Josie stood before the pyre that held Nan's body, memories of her childhood flooded through her mind; as she prepared to say goodbye to the woman who had been like a second mother to her. Even though Josie knew that Nan had lived a long, fulfilling life, that did not ease the ache of having to say goodbye to her.

Fergus put his arm around her shoulder and gently drew her to him. He kissed the top of her head as he whispered, "We wouldn't be who we are today without the influence she had on our lives."

Josie nodded in agreement as the Revered Mother continued to read from the chant of light, when she had finished, Anders lifted his staff and set the pyre a blaze. When nothing, but smoldering ashes remained they somberly made their way back to the castle.

Later that evening Josie, Anders and Nathaniel joined Fergus in his study. They drank brandy and told stories of Nan late into the night before Anders helped a wary and slightly drunk Josie up to her room. Since arriving at Highever Castle two days ago, Anders had been the perfect gentleman. Insisting that he sleep in his own room, kissing her, but not wanting to go any further while under her brother's roof.

Their first night at the Castle Josie had been frustrated after her attempt to seduce him had failed, she groaned, "You do realize that my brother knows that I am not a virgin and that you won't be stealing my virtue?"

"Josie, I just don't want to disrespect your brother in his own home," Anders countered.

"Disrespect him? This is the man that placed a bet with Nate on how old I would be, and with whom my virtue would be lost too. You have no fear of disrespecting him by sleeping with me."

Anders chuckled, "Who won?"

She waved away the question in frustration."It doesn't matter. The point is Fergus knows I'm not a virgin and he knows that we are together, so I don't see why you just can't…"

"Josie, we will be heading home in just a few days," Anders interrupted as he tucked a loose hair behind her ear."Think about how wonderful it will be once we can finally be together again."

"A few days? But I'm fucking horny now!"

Anders burst out laughing,"Glad I have that effect on you, darlin', but I need you to hold onto that thought until we get back at Vigil's Keep."

"Bastard!"

"I've been called worse," he chuckled.

Now however she didn't want to be alone. She needed to feel his warm comforting body against hers. She looked up at him as he pulled the covers up. "Anders, please stay with me tonight."

He raised an eyebrow. She rolled her eyes. "Don't worry, I promise I won't try to get into your pants. Your self- inflicted celibacy is safe with me. I just don't want to be alone right now."

Anders nodded as he took off his robes and crawled into bed beside her, then tucked her against his chest. He was so warm and the moment that her head rested on his chest her body immediately relaxed as she sank into him. She slid her leg over top of his as her arm draped across his stomach.

"Mmmm, I've missed this," she whispered.

He tightened his arm around her, "Same here."

She nestled against his chest as she breathed him in. His scent was soothing and she realized that in that moment that Anders had done what he had told her he could do, he had begun to heal her. He had been there for her as she said good-bye to a woman that she had loved like a mother, he had been the calm as she face of the storm. He had been the breath of air that her drowning lungs had needed, even though she had been completely unaware of it. Anders had helped her to see that there was still a lot of living to do in this life. He had reawakened in her the desire to live life to the fullest, to experience all that it had to offer. Yes, there was still pain, but maybe she wasn't as damaged as she previously thought, or maybe she had been, but he had worked his magic on her.

She breathed him in again as serenity washed through her.

Anders chuckled. "I don't believe that sniffing me will get you high."

"Oh I wouldn't be so sure of that," Josie murmured.

"Oh really? Do tell."

"You smell divine and it definitely makes me euphoric," Josie said as she ran her hand up his bare chest. She nuzzled the side of his neck as she inhaled the scent of spices, herbs and the sweet scent of magic before her tongue licked a path up his neck to his ear.

She sighed wantonly in his ear, "The very taste of you enraptures me."

Her fingers laced through his hair down to his neck as she turned his head, and guided his lips to hers. She greedily consumed his mouth as the feel of his lips beneath hers intoxicated her. Josie's head began to spin as her stomach tighten with desire. She slid her tongue along his bottom lip as she savored the soft velvety feel of them, silently begging him for entrance.

He moaned, as he parted his mouth, their tongues danced, entwined together and a fire licked through her, deep and low. Anders hands slid to the nape of her neck, drawing her harder against him, deepening the kiss.

Maker, he tasted so good, she wanted nothing more than to run her tongue and lips over every inch of his body. She slid on top of him and pressed her body against his forcing a guttural groan to escape from the back of his throat.

"Fuck Josie," he growled. "You're killing me. You said…"

She sat up, pulled her thin night shirt over her head. His eyes narrowed on her already hard nipples. She took his hand in hers and lifted it her breasts. Immediately he began to palm her soft mounds, as his fingers pinched at the taut nubs causing heated liquid to pool between her thighs. She wanted him, she wanted to lick, suck and fuck every inch of him.

She swirled her hips against his already throbbing groin, "Would you like me to stop?"

Anders grasped her hips, pushing her against him as he thrust forward. "Never!" He growled.

That was all she needed to hear, she leaned back down against his chest, her nipples pressing against his bare skin. His arms slid back up to the nape of her neck, holding her in place as his lips captured hers in searing kiss that caused her body to tremble. A slow but pleasurable fire licked through her. Anders delved into her mouth with his tongue, invading her, tasting her, so sweet, so divine and so eager, so needful.

Anders rolled them over then his skillful hands, mouth and body proceeded to show both of them that celibacy was definitely overrated.

Two days later, Josie dragged her weary body into her bedroom at Vigil's Keep. Her eyes went wide with shock, then a sly grin spread across her face. In the corner of her room where her bath tub was, were two poles that ran from the ceiling to the floor with a bar attached at the top that had a curtain draped across. The curtain was currently hooked above the tub, but could easily be unhooked when she wanted privacy when using the bath.

Josie walked over and ran her hands along the smooth poles. Her adorable, loveable mage had kept his promise to her and she couldn't stop the smile that spread across her lips. Good thing she had already had a few private lessons with Madame Kat. She had a promise to keep to a certain man and she planned on filling that promise spectacularly.

"Stripper poles cleverly disguised as a private bath chamber. Is mon precieux pleased?"

She spun to face him, raced over and leapt into his arms. He laughed as her lips crashed against his. In between planting kisses on his lips, cheeks and neck she repeatedly thanked him. He continued to laugh as he carried both of them over to the bed, they fell on it and Josieshowed him just how grateful she was.

_**_**XxX**_**_

A week later Josie along with Anders, Nathaniel and Oghren entered the dismal Blackmarsh.

"They say this marsh was once inhabited, until one day everyone disappeared," Nathaniel stated.

"Can you blame them?' Anders asked as a wolf howled.

No wonder the entire town disappeared. Who would want to live in a village with the depressing name like Blackmarsh? Anything with the name marsh in it was just damn depressing. Ale Marsh, Dancing Marsh…nope still dreary. Brothel Marsh…Josie shivered as she envisioned large, big breasted women with patent leather corsets and very large whips.

The sound of another wolf howled before they were attacked by a small pack of werewolves, the first of many. They battled their way through werewolves and darkspawn as they made their way past the village and deeper into the Marsh.

"Figures the darkspawn would pick somewhere wet and muddy. I better not lose a boot," Oghren grunted.

"Dirty and muddy…should make you feel right at home. You are quite the dirty dwarf," Anders replied.

"And you're quite the dirty little mage," Oghren growled.

Anders grinned. "Yes, I've been told I'm very good at it, but still, I'm no ale-swilling mountain of belches like you!"

"Well, it's good to have goals," Nathaniel said dryly.

"And I'm no wanking, oversexed, slack-jawed coward like you," Oghren snorted.

"True, we should start a club," Anders replied.

Josie came to a sudden stopped as the glow of a portal shimmered ahead of her. Before them was a large tear in the veil.

"Well this place just keeps getting better and better," Josie muttered.

"What is that? It looks like, something ghostly, almost like the Fade," Nathaniel stated.

"Will you look at that," Anders mused as he peeked over Josie's shoulder.

"A tear in the Veil, you don't see that every day. It must be even weaker in this marsh than I'd thought. Hold me, Oghren. I'm scared," Anders said sardonically.

"I'll hold you alright mage, as I shove your head under water till you drown," Oghren growled.

"Aaah, you say the sweetest things," Anders cooed.

Josie stared at the torn veil. "This is turning out to be a lovely fucking day!"

The deeper they went into the Marsh, the clearer it became that they were being led in a very specific direction - that thought didn't sit well with Josie. The idea of being corralled made the hair on the back of her neck rise, a clear signal that her instincts were reminding her that this was a trap and to remain very alert.

It didn't take her long to find out why she was being led in a particular direction, as they cautiously entered a clearing that a camp had recently been set up in. In the center of the clearing was the body of the missing warden, Kristoff. Anger quickly rose up in Josie, but before she could react another talking darkspawn made its presence known. It rambled on about the Mother, her children and the Architect, before it so generous to open a portal to the Fade and sucked them in. Bastard!

Josie was surrounded by a green light as a wave of energy enveloped her, pulling her through an unseen doorway. She found herself in a clearing at the edge of a forest that looked familiar to her, but she couldn't place when she had been there. She looked around and didn't see any of her Wardens. Josie sheathed her sword and was about to do the same with her dagger when a familiar voice tenderly spoke her name from behind her.

"Josie."

She spun just as Alistair emerged from the tree line and strolled towards her. Her heart was thundering in her chest as he gracefully walked up the hill. How could a man so large move so fluidity? He looked so beautiful and so handsome at the same time that it literally sucked the air out of her lungs.

"Josie, I have been looking for you for so long. I'm so glad that I've finally found you," Alistair said.

"I'm really not that hard to find. You could have looked me up at the Warden compound," Josie said sarcastically.

"Yes, but being exiled with a bounty on your head makes it a little difficult to just stroll up to the gate and knock. Not mention, I wanted our first meeting together to be private, I needed to be alone with you," Alistair said as he reached for her hand, but she quickly pulled it away.

Alistair lowered his head in shame. "I'm so sorry, Josie. I'm sorry for all the ugly, hateful things I said to you. Can you ever forgive me?"

She stared at him dumbfounded. "That's it. That is all that you are sorry for."

Alistair shook his head. "No…of course not, there is so much that I need to apologize for that I didn't know where to start…Josie, please," he begged as he stepped towards her.

She held her ground and fought the urge to step away from him. His arms encircled her waist as he drew her to him. "Josie, I was so wrong about so many things that I don't know where to even begin, but I know that I love you. I will always love you and if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I vow that I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you."

Josie pushed him away in disgust. "You love me? You are such a liar. You never loved me. If you had you wouldn't have deserted me, you wouldn't have willing left me to face an archdemon by myself, even though you vowed to love me and be with me for the rest of our lives. Your word means nothing!" Josie yelled as tears streamed down her face.

Alistair fell on his knees before her; he buried his head in her stomach as his arms once again wrapped around her waist. "Josie, please. You have every right not believe me. I have given you so many reasons to never trust me again, but I beg you to forgive me. I was so wrong. I am so sorry that I deserted you. The ache that I feel every day for betraying you, our love and the Wardens is more than I can bear. I can't live with this pain anymore, please forgive me, Jo Jo. Your forgiveness is the only thing that might save me from this dark abyss I have fallen into. I love you. I can't live without you."

Alistair clung to her sobbing. Her tears continued to fall down her cheeks as the words that she had longed to hear sank in. Josie's felt her heart break at the misery that was in his voice and instinctively her arms went around him, as he held onto her tightly and wept, but his words and actions brought no peace.

Josie closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath as she tried to compose herself to mentally prepare herself to do what she knew needed to be done.

"Josie," Anders desperate voice cried out from behind her. Her eyes shot open as her mage stepped into view. She looked into his eyes and the first thing that she noticed was pain. He looked so incredibly hurt and betrayed as he took in the sight of Alistair on his knees, clinging to her with Josie's arms wrapped around him. The last thing Josie wanted to do was hurt this beautiful man who had saved her from herself, but this was something she needed...desperately.

"J-josie," his voice cracked with emotion and he coughed trying to clear his throat. "This isn't Alistair. As real as this may seem it isn't. You are in the Fade. This is a desire demon."

Josie's hand tightened around the pommel of her dagger. Her fingers slipped into Alistair's hair at the nape of his neck and forced his head back so that he was looking up at her. She stared into those honey brown eyes one last time before she drew her arm back and plunged her dagger into Alistair's throat.

"I know," she said numbly as she looked up at Anders.

* * *

><p><strong>AN - ****A huge thank you to those of you who have favored, alerted and reviewed this story. You make my day so much brighter. I look forward to hearing your thoughts. Please continue.**

*** A huge spankalicous thank you to my fanfreckintastic beta, Bonkzy, for her rad, mad beta-ing skills. I appreciate your help turning my ramblings into cohesive sentences. You rock!**


	9. Chapter 9 When Doves Cry

**Chapter 9 – When Doves Cry**

"Dig if u will the picture of u and I engaged in a kiss, the sweat of your body covers me

Can u my darling, can u picture this?

Dream if u can a courtyard an ocean of violets in bloom, animals strike curious poses

They feel the heat, the heat between me and u

How can u just leave me standing? alone in a world that's so cold? (So cold)

Maybe I'm just 2 demanding, maybe I'm just like my father 2 bold

Maybe you're just like my mother, she's never satisfied (She's never satisfied)

Why do we scream at each other this is what it sounds like

When doves cry

Touch if u will my stomach, feel how it trembles inside

You've got the butterflies all tied up, don't make me chase u

Even doves have pride

_When Doves Cry by Prince_

Anders felt the heat from the bright light hit his chest as the energy from the Fade pulled him in. He immediately looked around for the others, but they were nowhere to be seen. He readied his staff and headed into the woods to look for them. He had gone only a few yards when he heard Josie cry out. He raced through the forest, out into a clearing and stopped dead in his tracks at the scene before him, his heart now in his throat.

In the center of the clearing was Josie, a warrior was on his knees before her, his arms wrapped around her waist, his head buried in her stomach. The anguish that was etched in Josie's face broke his heart while at the same time his jealousy rose up quickly. Anders recognized Alistair from the time that he had healed him in the woods. He moved closer to the pair and what he heard next outraged him.

"Josie, please. You have every right not believe me. I have given you so many reasons to never trust me again, but I beg you to forgive me. I was so wrong. I am so sorry that I deserted you. The ache that I feel every day for betraying you, our love and the Wardens is more than I can bear. I can't live with this pain anymore, please forgive me, Jo Jo. Your forgiveness is the only thing that might save me from this dark abyss I have fallen into. I love you. I can't live without you."

Josie tenderly wrapped her arms around the ex-templar. Anders felt fury course through him that she had allowed herself to be so easily deceived while at the same time pain also rippled through him seeing her in the arms of another. He knew in that moment that it didn't matter how much he loved her, how he helped her to heal, that she would never love him the same way as the man she currently held in her arms.

He watched with curiosity as she drew in a deep breath to steady herself. When he had said her name, she looked at him with such tenderness that his anger at her immediately vanished and the only thing he wanted to do was pull her into his arms to protect her.

"J-josie," his voice cracked with emotion. He reined in his own pain as he cleared his throat to speak. "This isn't Alistair. As real as this may seem, it isn't. You are in the Fade. This is a desire demon."

His eyes flickered to her right hand, her fingers flexed as they tightened around the pommel of her dagger. She brought up her left hand and slipped her fingers into Alistair's hair at the nape of his neck, she pulled his head back, forcing him to look up at her. Then in one quick movement she plunged her dagger into the desire demon's throat.

"I know," she said numbly as she looked up at Anders and let the demon's body fall to the ground.

Anders stared at her wide eyed. "You knew?"

"Yes, this isn't my first trip into the Fade, Anders. I knew it was desire demon from the moment it stepped into the clearing."

"Then why didn't you just kill it? Why did you let it say those things to you?"

Josie just hung her head as she wiped away her tears. "I knew what it was going to say to me because it was feeding off of my own desires…I know that I will never hear those words from Alistair, but I desperately needed to hear him say those things."

"Y-you needed to hear him tell you that he still loves, that he can't live without you," Anders said as he tried to steady his voice, to control his emotions and stop the pain that was now tearing at his heart.

"Yes, because I wanted the satisfaction of walking away from him the way he so coldly and heartlessly walked away from me even when I begged him not to, when I told him how much I needed him and loved him."

"You still aren't over him," Anders whispered miserably while shaking his head in frustration. He had thought they had made real progress, he had thought that she was finally getting over the pain that Alistair had caused and might actually be able to love him. He was such a fool.

"Yes, I am!" She insisted.

"No you're not. The opposite of love isn't hate, Jo, its indifference. Both love and hate take a great deal of energy, but indifference takes none. Clearly your actions here today were far from detached. You're still in love with a man that so willingly threw you away and you will never be able to find happiness in the man that is standing before you now with his arms and heart wide open to you, until you come to terms with what Alistair did," Anders said flatly. His heart breaking as he turned away from her to find the others.

Several days later they were camped about a half a day's journey to Vigil's Keep, but the Blackmarsh had taken a great deal out of them. None of them were on top their game and because of that, Josie didn't want to take any chances traveling at night. She had tried to talk to him several times, but he had told her that he needed time. She had sadly nodded, tenderly caressed his cheek before she walked away; letting him wallow in self-misery. It was killing him to stay away from her, but the pain in his chest was too fresh, too raw, for him to listen to her excuses.

He stared at her across the campfire. She was having a very lively discussion with Oghren regarding the finer points of Antivan Brandy. When she looked over at him, catching his eye, her smile faltered briefly and he could see the pain etched there…pain that he was causing and that ate at him even more.

The spirit that had taken possession of the fallen Warden's corpse came over and sat down beside him. Seeing the walking, talking corpse creeped him out, but he tried not to show it.

"You are in love with the Commander," Justice said as a statement not a question.

"I'm not sure how that is any of your business," Anders replied.

"When the two of you are at a state of unease with each other, it makes things very difficult on the rest of us. So that makes it very much my business, but that is beside the point. You love the Commander."

"You do realize you are making a statement, not asking me a question," Anders replied.

"Yes, I am aware that I am stating something that is obvious to all those around you," the spirit said.

"So the point of this conversation is what exactly?"

"Confession is good for the soul. If you feel that you are unable to tell her your true feelings you should at least express them to someone. It will also help you resolve the conflict that is brewing inside of you over what you witnessed in the Fade."

"Fine, yes, I am in love with her," Anders confessed.

"Well, it is obvious that she is in love with you so…"

"She is in love with someone, but it isn't me," Anders grunted.

"You're wrong, Anders. She may not be able to admit it to you, she might not even be able to admit it to herself, but she loves you. She views you as more than a lover or a healer, she sees you as the person that saved her."

"Did they teach you mindreading in the Fade? Cause there is no way you could know that about her."

"It's not that hard if you know where and how to look. The way she looks at you, the way she is around you, her willingness to do anything for you. Look closely and you'll see it. She loves you."

Anders shook his head, "You didn't see her ex-lover clinging to her, begging her to forgive him, declaring his undying love for her and she willingly went along with the charade because she needed to hear those things...I-I can't get the image out of my mind."

"I did see it, Anders. I was in those woods when she came through the Fade portal. I saw what had transpired before you even came into the clearing. What you fail to see, is that just because she felt the need to hear him say he loved her and beg her for forgiveness, she did not feel the need to say those words back to him. This man betrayed her as a Warden, as a friend, lover and as a man that had pledged his love to her until death parted them. You cannot begin to understand the depths of her pain nor the damage that was done to her psyche. Mentally and emotionally she needed to hear those things spoken from him, even though she knew it wasn't really him. The words spoken out loud can be very therapeutic. As a healer, I would have hoped you would have been able to put aside your jealousy long enough to see that."

"Damn, I wouldn't want you to sugar coat that at all," Anders muttered as the Spirit's words sank in. Justice was right. He honestly didn't understand the depth of her pain because she was an expert at burying her feelings. If he was going to truly help her come to terms with her relationship with Alistair, he needed to find a way for her to open up to him.

"Sugar coat? What does that mean?"

"Not holding back how you truly see something," Anders replied.

"Well, I don't see how holding back would help the situation. You needed to see the scope of the situation before you did any serious damage. So if you love her then why are you still over here and not over there with her?" Justice asked.

"It's still complicated, Justice," Anders replied.

"No it's not. Love isn't complicated. It is actually a very simplistic feeling. It is the other human emotions that tend to complicate love, such as jealousy, envy, selfishness or anger. These feelings distort and corrupt the pure nature of love which is unconditional."

"For a Spirit of Justice, you seem to know a lot about love."

"Love, Compassion, Fortitude were also spirits in the Fade. We interacted with each other on a regular basis, learning a great deal from one another. My point is, you need to set things right with her."

"I will. You have given me a lot to think about and I do want to talk with about what happened in the Fade, but I would prefer that it was a private discussion so I will wait until we are back at the Keep."

Justice was silent for a moment. "If you feel that is best."

They arrived at the Keep early the next afternoon and from the moment that Josie arrived, Varel was pulling her in a thousand different directions. He hadn't seen her the rest of the day. When he had gone to her room that night, he found her already passed out in bed. She looked so lovely, so inviting that he couldn't resist her. He stripped down to his smalls, crawled in behind her and pulled her naked body against his. She moaned in her sleep as she curled into him, the comfort of having her back in his arms soothed his heart and mind, relaxing him completely and the Fade quickly claimed him.

Anders woke to a sharp pain in the center of his chest; he opened his eyes just as Josie jammed her finger into his sternum again. "What the bloody hell?" Anders asked as he grabbed her hand before she could do it again.

"I could be asking you the same thing. What the bloody hell makes you think you can give me the cold shoulder for days then crawl into my bed as if I needed you to keep my bed warm."

"Well Love, you were a bit nipply when I checked on you last night. I was just doing my part to keep the Commander warm and happy," Anders said with a smirk.

"You haven't seemed concerned about those things since the Blackmarsh," Josie said solemnly as she slid out of bed. Anders mouth went dry as he watched her naked form saunter over to her wardrobe; her hips sensuously swinging, her breasts erotically swaying, her nipples arousingly taut. His groin began to ache with need for her. Damn she was such a tease!

"That is why I came here last night. I wanted to talk, but you were already asleep," Anders explained.

"Oh, so you thought, 'what the hell, even though I acted like a bloody idiot, haven't spoken to her days, she looks like she needs a good, stiff cock pressed against her ass to keep her warm tonight'," Josie said mockingly.

Anders started to choke and laugh at the same time. "Maybe I needed your ass to keep my cock warm," Anders purred.

"Wishful thinking on your part," Josie said dryly as she slipped on her robe removing the temptation and distraction of her luscious body.

Anders slid out of bed, walked up to her and pulled her into his arms. "You're right, I was an idiot and I really did come here because I wanted to talk to you about it…"

His well-rehearsed speech was interrupted by a loud knock at the door. Josie stepped out of his embrace and yelled that the door was unlocked.

"Commander, I need your signature and approval for tonight's festivities…" Varel said as he entered the room then paused when he saw Anders.

"Varel, set them on my desk. I will look at them once I've had a cup of tea and some breakfast…"

"But Commander, I need these approved right away if I'm going to pay the butcher, musicians and the ale."

"I'm starving, so you have two choices, I can cut off Warden Anders' arm and begen gnawing on it or…"

"I can think of more appetizing parts of my body to gnaw on," Anders muttered from behind her.

Josie shot him a dirty look over her shoulder. "Or you can learn to forge my signature."

"Personally, I like the second option best," Anders stated.

"Yessss, so do I," Varel replied.

"Really? I was leaning towards the first option," Josie said dryly.

"I will sign for the invoices and release the funds. I will also have food brought up toyou immediately so that Warden Anders' limbs will remain intact," Varel stated.

"Thanks, Varel. I appreciate you looking out for my welfare."

"Anytime, Warden," Varel said as he headed out the door.

"What festivities are going on tonight?" Anders asked.

"Oghren, who is always looking for a reason to consume ale, thought it would help with moral if after every successful mission, the entire Keep celebrated the Wardens return with ale, music and stories from their recent adventure."

"What qualifies as a successful mission?"

"I believe him making back to the Keep alive is the only prerequisite. According to him even if he doesn't make it back he has still laid claim his share of ale in the afterlife and we aren't to touch it."

Anders stepped closer to her, wanting to pull her back into arms, wanting to break the tension that was between them and to set things right, but as he moved toward her there was another loud knock at the door.

"Oh for fuck sake," Anders growled.

Josie chuckled with amusement as she called out that it was open. Nathaniel rushed in. "Josie…Anders we need you down in the sparring ring. Sig and I were sparring and my dagger slipped…she is bleeding…badly."

"Let me grab my staff. I'll be right there," Anders said as he headed for the door. He paused and looked at her. "Josie…"

"We will talk later," Josie said. Anders nodded and headed for the courtyard.

He hadn't seen her the rest of the day as she helped prepare for the celebration. Now with the festivities in full swing, he barely had been able to get her alone long enough to say more than two words to her. She had mingled, schmoozed and charmed everyone at the party except for him. Damn that woman was stubborn when it came to holding a grudge. He looked around for her now and couldn't find her anywhere.

He went to the bar and ordered another brandy just as a young servant ran up to him. "Warden Anders?"

"Yes."

"I have a message for you," the young boy said as he handed Anders the note. Anders thanked him then ripped open the message.

_Meet me in my room. I believe we have a few things to discuss._

_J_

Anders smiled, grabbed a bottle of wine, two glasses and headed for her room. When he entered, the room was filled with candles and in the middle of the room sat a chair. He smiled as he took a seat and realized that he was facing her new private bathing area. He poured himself a glass of wine as he prepared to enjoy the show.

The sultry beat from band outside drifted in through the window as Josie stepped out of the shadows and into view. Anders nearly dropped the glass of wine as his mouth fell open. She was wearing a deep burgundy, satin corset that plunged into a deep V in the center of her chest, the swells of her beautiful breasts pushing out the top. There were ribbons that laced down the front and at the bottom there were little hooks secured black, thigh high stockings and matching panties that barely had enough material to cover her. Anders' eyes roamed down her toned legs to the black high heeled shoes. Fuck, he couldn't wait for her to wrap her legs around his waist with those on.

She sauntered her way over to him, her hips swaying seductively. She ran her hand down his chest before she slid behind him, as her hands drifted across his shoulders and down his chest, her fingers nimbly undoing the clasps on his robes exposing his bare chest. As the singer began to croon, Josie joined in, breathlessly singing in his ear,

_"I've got a bad boy and that's alright with me_  
><em>His dirty laundry is nothing that I can't keep clean."<em>

She ran her fingers teasingly ran across his chest and she pinched his nipples just as she sang,

_"What's the fun in playing it safe? I think I'd rather misbehave, your way."_

She moved around to face him, lifted her leg up on the arm of the chair and slowly began move her hips to rhythm of the song. His cock immediately leapt to attention as she slid her hands down the length of her body to the juncture between her thighs, he groaned unconsciously.

She sauntered away from him toward the poles, she grasped one, swung around pulling her legs up in the air, she bent her right leg in towards her body as she straightened her other leg, lifting it above her head as she continued to spin around the pole. She gracefully flipped so that her head was now facing the ground and her legs were above her, pointing toward the ceiling. Using just her arm strength, she held herself in place, upside down as she elegantly split her legs apart forming a completely straight line. Anders moaned as images of her like that on the bed floated through his mind.

She brought her legs down, grasped the pole between them, holding on with just one hand, she nimbly arched her back as she continued to spin. Anders was in awe. He had seen plenty of girls work a pole before, but none of them had the grace or agility that she did. She was mesmerizing to watch. It was more than just a pole dance, there was beauty in her fluid movements.

_"I'm just a bad girl, that's why we get along_  
><em>Won't make excuses for anything I'm doing wrong"<em>

She let go of the pole then danced her way over to a box that had been placed in between the two poles. With her back to him, she rested her right foot on top and erotically she began to roll her hips, making her bottom bounce up and down. Oh fuck, he wanted to grab that perfectly round ass and do some very unspeakable things to it.

Josie seductively turned, sat down on the crate and she rested hands on her thighs as she opened her legs then rolled the upper half of her body in a circle. Anders bit down on his lip to keep the guttural groan tearing from his throat. Fuck, he honestly didn't know how much more he could take.

_"I'll pull the trigger in a flash, watch out honey, step back_  
><em>What's the fun in playing it safe? I think I'd rather misbehave, your way."<em>

She stood, danced over to the other pole, she spun so that her back was against it then she seductively lowered herself to the ground. With her legs out in front of her, she split them apart, she leaned over her right leg and pivoted to the side then she rolled slightly so that her back was to him as she swung her right leg around to her left, her body rolled and swayed with the beat of the music as she rose up on her knees, her hands moving so tantalizingly across her body.

She then leaned forward so that she was on all fours and crawled slowly, almost predatory towards him. Anders was out of his seat in an instant and on the floor in front of her.

"So this is your idea of a punishment?" Anders asked as he pulled her against him.

She grinned mischievously at him. "Yes, because the show is over and you need to go back to your own room for the night."

"The hell I am," Anders growled as he stood, pulled her up and into his arms and carried her over to the bed. He laid her down in the center then leaned down to cover her with his body. Anders claimed her lips passionately, penetrating deeply, taking her tongue and sucking it into his mouth. She moaned against him as she kissed him back, meeting each stroke of his tongue with her own, her fingers curled into his hair as she pressed against him, conveying her primal need and desire for him. He slid his hand into her hair and angled her head so that he could go even deeper. Maker, her sweet mouth drove him to the very brink of losing control as she completely intoxicated him, but leaving him with the insane need to drink in more of her.

He wedged his knee between her thighs, pushing them apart and settling his weight there. His lips left hers, kissing a path over her soft, velvety skin, tasting her, nibbling at her, invoking a whimper of pleasure from her. Slowly, he moved against her, trying to take the edge of the ache, only to find the heat of her hot core, making it worse.

Anders pulled at the ribbons on her corset, the material fell away and he hotly gazed down at her taut dark nipples that were begging for his mouth. He kissed his way down her neck slowly, tasting and inhaling every part of her. He kissed and caressed the flesh of her breast. He smiled as her breath hitched in anticipation of his mouth closing around her nipple, but he continued to tease and lavish attention on the full swells. She groaned in frustration and he had to chuckle.

"You're evil," she groaned.

"Oh really? Then that dance made _you_sinfully wicked."

"Glad to be your temptation," she sighed as he dragged his tongue across her achingly hard nipple. She moaned as her back arched into him.

"The sweetest temptation I know," he groaned as he closed his lips over the taut bud, sucking it in and keeping it between his teeth. He swirled his tongue around the taut point, he laved and sucked it as she writhed beneath him. He kissed a path to her other breast and lavished the same amount of attention on it. Her hips pressed against him as her need continued to grow.

"Anders, please…" she panted as she pressed her hips against his groin.

"Please what?"

"Please… please touch me… I need to feel you between my legs."

He was happy to oblige as he slowly traced a path with his tongue down her toned stomach. He kissed her on the inside of her thighs as he pulled at the ribbons that held her panties on, he pulled the material away and eyed the already glistening curls before him. He ran his hand down the silky smooth stockings then threw her legs over his shoulders. The spiked heel dug into his back and a guttural growl tore from his throat as he breathed in her scent.

Spreading her legs wider to give him full access, he dipped his head and slid his tongue through her curls. starting at the base of her sex, he ran his flat tongue up to the bundle of nerves that was begging for attention. Josie cried out as her hips arched up to meet his mouth.

He moaned as her sweet taste ran over his tongue, enthralling him and making his groin grow even more painful. Anders wrapped his arms around her thighs to hold her in place as he dipped his tongue deep into her hot core and swirled it. She cried out again then tried to buck, but his hands held her firmly in place. She gripped his hair and pulled. Anders licked at her swollen nub then pulled it into his mouth before his tongue dipped back into her slick channel and his thumb began to caress and rub the tight pearl.

Josie's body began to tremble against him, she cried out his name as she reached her climax and ecstasy coursed through her body. He continued to manipulate her body, drawing out her pleasure and drinking in all that she had to offer. When she finally fell back on the bed completely sated, he pulled off his trousers then crawled up her body, stopping only to place teasing kisses on her quivering belly and luscious breasts.

"Please Anders… need to feel you in me." Anders positioned himself at her core than surged forward as he buried himself deep inside her.

"F-fuck…you feel fantastic," he moaned as her tight heat enveloped him. Maker he could have cum right then if he started to move. He struggled to gain control of himself. Josie wrapped her legs around his waist then poked him with her heel encouraging him to move.

"Giddy-up," she chuckled.

"I'm about to give you the ride of your life," he growled as he began to move inside her.

"I'm looking forward to it," she whispered just before she kissed him deeply.

Slowly, Anders began to move with a gentle rocking motion, he shuddered as he glided in and out of her slick walls. The friction was nearly unbearable, but he didn't want to rush this. He wanted to draw this out for both of them so he slowly moved within her in smooth strokes as the tension built between them. Her hips pressed up to meet his strides and she moaned as she picked up the pace, her hips lifting and falling as she pulled him deeper into her.

"Phin…oh Maker, you feel incredible," he moaned. She replied by grasping his ass with her hands and driving him even deeper into her.

"Oh fuck…yess, Anders!"

His thrusts increased as he moaned loudly into her throat and ear, "Jo, mon precieux," over and over again like a prayer as he worshiped her body with his. Anders slid his fingers between them, the tips stroking the throbbing nub, she cried out as her back arched, her fingernails clawing at his ass. He pulled his head back in order to watch her go over the edge. Fuck, she was breathtaking when she was in the throes of ecstasy. Her walls quaked and tightened around him, he ground his teeth together, waiting until he knew she had reached her full release before he let go. His growl was loud, feral as his orgasm crashed down on him, his vision blurred as his head spun out of control.

Anders collapsed against her, burying his face in her neck, trying to catch his breath. He rolled over and pulled her against his chest. She lovingly kissed and licked at his nipple sending aftershocks through his body.

"If that is your idea of a punishment, I plan on being a very naughty boy," Anders mumbled as he kissed the top of her head.

She sat up on her elbow, her face now looking serious. "Anders, about what happened in the Fade…"

"Josie, I'm sorry. I overreacted. It was a shock to see you in Alistair's arms and it was even more of a surprise to know that you knew it was a desire demon. I've thought about it and I can understand your need for closure. I just hope that feigned encounter was enough to give you the resolution you need."

She tenderly ran her fingers through his hair. "It was a start."

Anders slid out of bed, went over and poured them a glass of wine then returned to her. They both took a sip, briefly lost in their thoughts. He set his glass down, turned to her and cupped her face, "Josie, tell me how Alistair's betrayal made you feel."

She smiled at him lovingly. "Why ruin such a wonderful night with such dark memories?"

He pulled her face closer to his, their lips only inches from each other. "Because I love you, Josie and I believe that deep down you love me too, but if you and I are go to make this relationship work, you need to come to terms with how Alistair's betrayal made you feel."

She pulled away from him and looked at him questioningly. "You love me?"

"Yes, how can I not? You're my perfect counterpart," Anders said gently.

She shook her head as a tear slid down her cheek. Anders thumb gently wiped the tear away. "I didn't expect my declaration of love to move you to tears."

"I-it's hard for me to trust those words, Anders." Josie's voice trembled with pain. Anders' own heart ached for her, but she needed to express the things that she had bottled up inside.

"Why?" Anders gently prodded.

She was silent for a long moment and he was wondering if she was going to answer at all when in shaky voice she began. "T-the last man that had said those words me had told me that he would love me forever, that he wanted to spend the rest of his life making me happy, he had asked me to be his wife then the next day…left me…he just walked away from me, leaving me to face certain death while battling an epic foe…so you will have to forgive me if I am skeptical when declarations of love are made."

"What did he say to you that night, Phine?"

Her face rippled with pain as the memory washed through her. She shook her head, not wanting to recall it.

He reached out and took her hand in his. "Tell me," he lovingly nudged her to continue.

"He had stormed out of the landsmeet and I had rushed to Arl Eamon's estate to try to talk some sense into him." Her voice was flat and very matter-of-fact as if she was recalling an event that had occurred to someone else.

"We fought, but he refused to see that there had to be a reason that Riordan was asking us to conscript a man that had killed his brothers and sisters. Alistair was blinded by fury. In a voice filled with such malice he told me, 'I want nothing to do **you** or **your**Order any longer'," her voice trailed off as if lost in her memories.

"And how did that make you feel?"

She laughed coldly and raised an eyebrow. "…my order…an order that just the night before while entangled in each other's arms, we had dreamed of rebuilding together…but now it was no longer our Order it was mine. One rash decision had stripped him of the thing he had considered family…his family."

Damn it, she was blaming herself for Alistair's inability to see reason. She had to see that this wasn't her fault.

"What happened next?"

Tears were now falling more freely as her heartache showed visibly on her face. "I-I had reached for him, trying to stop him, I said, 'Alistair, my love…" she paused as she drew up her strength to continue.

"He had ripped his arm out of my grasp and spun to face me…the pure hatred that I saw in his eyes staggered me. Then in a voice that sounded nothing like his, he bellowed, 'DON'T you ever call me that again! How can you say you loved me? You knew what this meant to me. You knew I needed to do this! NO! You never loved me'," she paused again to collect herself.

"I lost all of my pride, I feel on my knees, too weak to continue to support myself. I b-begged him not to go. I told him that I needed and loved him. He just glared at me then growled, 'Don't come after me. I never want to see you again! I want nothing to do with you!' Then he turned to walk away, but he had one last parting shot. He shouted over his shoulder to me, "You and Loghain have fun with that Archdemon. Give it a kiss from me and send it my love'."

Fucking bastard! Anders fucking wanted to kill him…slowly and very fucking painfully. No wonder she doubted his love, she was expecting him to do the exact same thing to her, to betray her just as he had.

"I love you, Jo. I'm not him. You can trust me with your heart." Anders cupped her face and slowly, lovingly kissed away her tears. There were no words to prove to her that he loved, only actions and right now he was about to show her again how much he adored her.

* * *

><p><strong>AN –The song for Josie's pole dance was Dirty Laundry by Bitter:Sweet.**

***I also want to thank all those who have reviewed, alerted, fav'ed and those who are lurking. Please continue to share your thoughts with me, I love hearing from you and it brings a smile to my face.**

***Hugs and kisses to the betalicious dynamic duo, Bonkzy and Jinxy, for their mad beta skills. You ladies make me look good and for that I'm eternally grateful. You're the best!**


	10. Chapter 10 Purple Rain

**Chapter 10 – Purple Rain**

"I never meant to cause you any sorrow, I never meant to cause you any pain

I only wanted one time to see you laughing, I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain

Purple rain, purple rain, Purple rain, purple rain

Purple rain, purple rain, I only wanted to see you bathing in the purple rain

I never wanted to be your weekend lover, I only wanted to be some kind of friend, hey

Baby, I could never steal you from another, it's such a shame our friendship had to end

Purple rain, purple rain, purple rain, purple rain

Purple rain, purple rain, I only wanted to see you underneath the purple rain"

_Purple Rain by Prince_

Anders rode in silence most of the way home from the Wending Woods. He had never been more afraid in his life than when he saw Josie strapped to that table, the Architect standing over her, draining the blood from her body. Justice and Nathaniel attacked the talking emissary hard while Anders went to Josie to begin healing her. The fucking bastard had nearly drained her fully and in turn he had completely drained all his mana to revive her. The whole experience in the Wending Woods had left both of them quiet and withdrawn.

He knew the problems with the Architect and Mother were weighing heavily on her, but he also knew that taking the life of that spiteful dalish elf was eating at her as well. Anders felt that Josie's instincts were correct regarding Velanna, the elf's loyalty and duty would never be to the Wardens, but always to finding her sister. If given the choice between the Wardens and her sister, Velanna wouldn't hesitate to turn her back on the Wardens, which at the wrong moment could possibly endanger innocent lives. When Josie refused to let the mage join the Wardens, the elven mage turned on them and attacked. It was with great regret that Josie took the elf's life, and he knew that she was second guessing her decision about not conscripting Velanna.

Justices' booming voice pulled him out of his thoughts. "Anders, I understand that you struggle against your oppression."

"Would you have me embrace it?" Anders asked.

"No, of course not, but why not strike a blow against your oppressors."

"Because I have grown rather fond of my head being attached to my neck," Anders replied dryly.

"You are a free man. It is my understanding that the Commander ensured that the Templars would never be able to hunt you down by destroying your phylactery. You never have to live with that fear, but what about your fellow mages? How can you stand by and do nothing while they still suffer?" Justice countered.

"I am but one man, Justice. I can't change the mindset and beliefs that have been ingrained into a society's psyche for hundreds upon hundreds of years," Anders argued.

"Do you love the Commander?"

"What? I don't see what that has to do with this conversation."

"If you wanted to marry her, would the Chantry allow you to marry the woman you love?"

"No," Anders replied solemnly.

"If you and the Commander had a child and that child turned out to be a mage, would you be able to stop the Chantry from taking that child from you?"

"No," Anders grumbled.

"Someone needs to be the voice for the oppressed, someone needs to be the voice that brings these injustices to light, someone needs to be the voice to bring about change and I believe that you are that voice, Anders," Justice stated.

"What you are suggesting goes against all Chantry laws," Anders said in a hushed tone now not wanting to draw attention to their conversation.

"When a man is denied the right to live the life he believes in then he has no choice, but to become an outlaw," Justice argued.

"An outlaw! I-I don't want to become an outlaw. I have been on the run ever since the Circle came and took me away from my mother. I have finally found a place where I no longer have to run, where for once I feel safe and loved; I love my life, I love Josie, I don't want to do anything that will destroy that," Anders countered. He couldn't believe he was having this conversation. This is how mages ended up dead or worse, tranquil.

"Shouldn't all mages have the right? To have the freedom to experience what you have, Anders?" Justice asked. Anders didn't reply. He was at a loss for words. The Spirit asked too much, expected too much from him.

Justice slowly shook his head in disgust. "This world is a dangerous place. However not from the people who are unjust, close minded or evil, but because this world is filled with apathetic people such as yourself, who are unwilling to do anything to stop the oppression that they see on a daily basis."

Without another word Justice rode up to the Commander, leaving Anders once again lost in his thoughts, with now a lot more for him to contemplate. The mistreatment of mages had always angered him. When he had been in the Circle he had been vocal whenever he saw a templar pushing the boundaries of inhumane treatment. At best that earned him time in solitary confinement, at worst a trip to the whipping post where the templars took turns lashing his back, but he had been unable to bite his tongue and pretend he didn't see what was happening. That was one of the reasons for all of his escapes, he hated witnessing the abuse of people that were only there because of an accident of birth.

However, what Justice was talking about was completely different. He wasn't talking about speaking up for a few persecuted individual, but fighting for entire sect of the population. Not only was that crazy, but suicidal.

When they finally made their way into the Keep's courtyard, the entire party was exhausted, but Josie looked bone weary. As she slid down from her horse, Anders was immediately at her side. He slid his arm around her and led her into the Keep. Varel asked her to join him in her office. There were some pressing matters that he needed to brief her on. She reluctantly agreed.

Anders' asked one of the servants for a bath to be brought up to the Commander's room. Then he went to kitchen, put together a cheese and meat tray and grabbed a bottle of wine before heading up to her room. He infused the water with lavender, vanilla and spices before he lowered himself into the water.

What seemed like hours later, Josie finally made it to her chambers. When she entered she smiled over at him already relaxing in the water surrounded by dozens of candles.

"You definitely know how to spoil a girl," she grinned.

"I do my best, but you are way overdressed for a soak, love," Anders replied.

She quickly got undressed and climbed in. She turned around and eased herself down between his legs and leaned her back against his chest.

"Mmm, now that is a very _stimulating_ view," Anders groaned.

"Don't get any ideas. I'm too tired to remember my name, let alone participate in any extracurricular activities," Josie warned.

Anders laughed. "I believe I can change your mind."

"Somehow I doubt it. How about we start with the basics, would you wash my hair for me?" She asked.

"With pleasure," Anders said as he grabbed the canter of soap and poured a generous amount onto her hair. He worked the lavender infused liquid into a lather as he massaged her scalp, and neck with his strong fingers as he worked out the knots in the tight muscles to help her relax as the stress drifted away. He enjoyed the quiet moans and purrs of pleasure she made. He didn't want her to stop making those sounds until he had completely ravished her, but first he needed to wake her up and bring her around to his way of thinking.

Anders slowly poured water over her hair, his breath began to quicken as he watched the soapy trail cascade down her shoulders and over her breasts. When the water cleared, his tongue and lips followed the same path as the water had down her neck and shoulders. Anders smiled as she shivered against his chest at the sensation. He pulled her closer to him so she could feel his arousal as he pressed against her back.

"Well, that didn't take you long," she observed.

"Can you blame me? Just being near you makes me hard." He rubbed against her delicious bottom to emphasize his point. "Have I changed your mind yet?"

"Nope, I'm exhausted, Anders. I just want to relax."

"Okay if you say so," Anders chuckled as he grabbed the sponge, lathered it up, he picked up her arm then slowly began to stroke it. He leisurely increased the pressure as his hand slid down her arm than across her breasts. He glided the sponge across her taut nipples; she involuntarily arched into his hand.

Anders laughed. "Now remember, this is strictly for relaxation purposes. NO getting turned on. I forbid it."

"You forbid it? What happened to changing my mind?"

"You were right. I shouldn't be so selfish, I should just let you relax and unwind." He feathered tender kisses down her neck as he brought his other hand around her side; he caressed and pinched her nipple. Her nipples were taut and as he rolled them between his fingers he sent tiny currents of electricity through them. She moaned as her hips unwillingly bucked forward.

"You aren't getting turned on, Love, are you?"

"N-no, of course not," she muttered.

"Good, cause you need to relax. You don't need the _**stress**_ of sexual stimulation,"

Anders teased as he guided the sponge down her firm stomach, her hips shifting toward him, allowing more access.

"No…no s-stress here…" she sighed just as Anders ran the sponge across her hip and between her thighs. "N-no sexual s-stimulation of any kind."

Anders grinned. "Good, I'm glad to hear that. Now lift your leg so that I can continue bathing you."

She did as he instructed, Anders shifted in the water then tenderly washed each leg, then he would run the sponge back up the inside of thigh, but he avoided the exact spot that he knew she was yearning for him to touch. He felt her body tense; he smiled as she bit her lip to stop the moan that he knew was building.

He gently stroked the sponge between her legs, applying a small amount of pressure as he sent a vibration to the center of her core. Her hips rolled against his hand as her breathing began to increase. He nibbled and licked his way down her jaw till he found her lips. His tongue hungrily plunged into her mouth as he moved the sponge between her legs, he stroked in small circles, increasing the speed and pressure as her body responded to his actions; she braced her foot against the side of the tub as she thrust her pelvis against his hand.

"I don't believe all that thrusting you're doing against my hand is very relaxing," Anders teased.

"Fuck you," she growled as she pressed harder against his hand.

"Gladly," Anders groaned as dropped the sponge into the water. His fingers inside her slick walls while his other hand slid up to cup her breast. He dragged his thumb back and forth across the hard, wet nipple then he pinched and rolled the rigid peak between his fingers, she pushed against him even harder and whimpered.

"Do you want me to help you unwind, Phine?"

"Y-yess."

He nipped at her ear, "Yes what?"

"Yes…pleasssse."

Anders drew the tip of her earlobe into his warm mouth; his thumb circled and stroked the taut nub between her legs. She cried out his name as she jerked in his arms and moved rhythmically against his hand.

"Let go, Jo. Cum for me," he groaned into her ear as he continued the steady stroking of her core while he teased her nipples. She braced herself against him as he continued to manipulate her body to his will and desires. He sent a current of electricity through her as his thumb vibrated against swollen bundle of nerves.

She threw her head back against his chest as he thrust his fingers deep inside her, she cried out his name as her body went rigid, the ecstasy overtook her and she slipped over the edge. She shook and trembled against him as each multiple wave crashed over her.

He bit her neck feverishly as he pushed his throbbing groin into her bottom. "Phine, I need to be inside you…now," he growled.

"Yesss," was all she managed to say before he had them out of the tub in a flash. He backed her against the full length mirror that was attached to the wall. Anders kissed and licked his way down her slender body, then he parted her thighs, he lifted one of her legs over his shoulder. Slowly, lovingly, he stroked his flat tongue against her core, drinking in her sweet honey taste. He licked and sucked her until she was quivering against his lips.

Anders stood up, quickly spun her around, she braced her hands against the mirror, he bent her forward then he pulled her hips back toward his, he entered her in one swift movement from behind and they both gasped from the luscious sensation of his hardness filling her.

He looked at their reflection in the mirror, Josie's hands pressed against the wall for support, her eyes fluttering closed with desire and need. Her beautiful full breasts swaying as he began to move inside of her. Anders looked at his own eyes as they darkened with hunger, lust and love. He grasped her hips as he began to thrust harder and deeper into her.

"Open your eyes, Phine, watch the effect you have on me," Anders commanded. Her eyes opened and locked onto his.

His hand slid around her hip and stroked between her legs, while the other cupped and caressed her breast. Anders kissed her back and shoulders, he moaned as surged into her, and she swirled her hips back against him.

"Oh fuck, Jo…I-I can't get enough of you," he growled as he plunged deeper and harder into her hot wet center.

She watched him in the mirror, beads of sweat on his skin, his eyes dark, and jaw tense with the effort to try to stay in control.

"Fuck me, Anders. Let go and fuck me," she hissed.

He gladly complied as he grabbed her hair and bit into her shoulder. She cried out in mixture of pain and ecstasy. She cried out his name as she threw her head back and arched against him. Her inner muscles constricted around him, pulling him over the edge with her, draining him completely. He continued to move inside her, not wanting to leave the sanctuary of her body, but eventually he collapsed against her in sheer exhaustion burying his head into her back.

He feathered kisses down her spine, "I love you so much, Jo…Are you now relaxed?"

"Thoroughly and completely," she whispered. She was barely able to stand from exhaustion. Anders scooped her into his arms and carried her to the bed where he lovingly wrapped himself around her. Right here in his arms was the reason he could never do what Justice asked of him. She was his reason for living. He pulled her tightly against his chest and fell asleep secure in the knowledge his place here with her, fighting, loving and living life with her.

_**xxXxx**_

A week later, the Wardens are gathered around the sparring ring watching as Josie trained with each individual Warden so that she can evaluate them and offer ways to improve. Justice leaning against the post beside Anders, observing the fight.

"The Commander is excellent with a blade and her advice in the ring is very wise," the spirit stated.

"Very true," Anders agreed.

"She is also wise and brave outside the ring. She stands up and defines the nobles against injustices that they heap on the lower classes."

"Very true," Anders stated again, having an uneasy feeling about where this conversation was headed.

"She is someone who is a role model for others to follow. Isn't that why you follow her, Anders?"

"I follow her because she saved me from the Circle, because she is just and honorable and because I love…"

"She saved you when it would have been easier her to let the Templars have you, but she didn't want to turn you over to an Order that oppressed the people that they had been sworn to protect."

"That is why she will always be better than me…better than all of us. It's who she is," Anders said through gritted teeth.

"Anders, shouldn't you aspire to be a man worthy of her love, an honorable man, one that is willing to put his own selfish desires aside for the good of others? Those are the things that Commander does on a regular basis and she deserves to be with someone who is just as noble and selfless."

Anger coursed through him as he spun to face the spirit. "Are you saying that I am unworthy of Josie?"

The Spirit eyed him up and down before he spoke. "Yes."

Anders felt his jaw drop and his eyes go wide while at the same time there was a striking pain in his chest. The spirit had tapped into his greatest fears regarding the woman that he had fallen in love with, that he didn't deserve her. She was a noble, he wasn't even a commoner, but an outcast of society that wasn't even allowed to marry her if he wanted to. She was self-sacrificing and he was a selfish bastard. He should walk away from her, let her find a man that was noble, honorable…but he couldn't. He couldn't leave her.

"I love her," Anders said in a defeated tone.

"Then love her enough to be deserving of her love in return."

"If you think standing up to the Chantry, telling them to sod off and stop oppressing the mages is going to make me worthy, you're crazy. The only thing that will accomplish is placing my head on pike."

"Anders, you can make a difference. You can accomplish great things for the mages and I can help you. And yes those accomplishments would make you worthy of the Commander because you would not have done it for yourself, but for the betterment of all mages."

Before Anders could reply a messenger ran up to the sparring ring. "Commander Cousland, I have an urgent message for you."

Josie stopped her match with Nathaniel and walked over to the young boy. "What is the matter?"

"The City of Amaranthine has been attacked," the messenger replied.

"Attacked! By whom?" Josie demanded.

"Darkspawn," the boy answered.

"Varel, please tip this boy then secure him a room until we know that it is safe to go back to the city," Josie ordered before turning to her Wardens. "Nate, Oghren and Sigrun you're with me. Justice and Anders you stay here and defend the Keep."

"Josie, I should go with you. I can heal those who are injured," Anders objected.

"No, you are the only mage I have right now. I need to keep you safe. Once the city is secure I will bring you there to heal the injured," Josie replied.

Anders stepped closer to her, he looked over at the other Wardens, they took the hint and headed into the Keep to prepare. "Josie, I need to be there to heal you. What if something happens to you? The Wardens, Ferelden… me, we need you."

She smiled at him and gently cupped his face. "I'll be fine. I'm not sure if you know this about me, but I'm pretty good at taking care of myself."

"Oh, unless the Architect decides to drain you of your blood again," Anders said sarcastically.

"That was a fluke."

"Josie, please…"

"No. You need to stay here and I will be back before you even know it." She leaned in and brushed her lips against his. Anders desperately pulled her into his arms, he ran his hand underneath her chin, raised her head to face him then his lips captured hers and kissed her like a man possessed; as if he was tasting her for the last time. He deepened the kiss as his tongue tangled with hers and a groan escaped his lips when she arched her body against him. This beautiful woman, whom he didn't deserve, never failed to excite him; the feel of her lips, the warmth of her hands made his body ache with desire. He pulled away from the comfort her body; he looked down into her eyes and he hoped that they conveyed all the love, tenderness and desire he had for her.

"Come back to me, Jo. Promise me, you will come back to me."

She pressed her lips against his one last time then whispered, "I promise."

_**xxXxx**_

_The light on his face didn't feel right. It was bright behind his closed lids, but there was no warmth to it. Anders cracked his eyes opened and looked around at his hazy surroundings. The Fade…he was in the Fade. Was he dead? He struggled to recall the how he had arrived here._

_The Keep had been overrun with darkspawn. He was behind the Keep in the training yard, darkspawn were dead all around him. He remembered chuckling that Josie was going to be pissed that she had left him behind at the Keep to in order to protect him, and now he was surrounded by the bloody bastards. He had just taken out at least a dozen of them when he felt an arrow graze his neck. He reached up, felt the blood and realized it was only a nick. He cast a healing spell just as he felt something crash into the back of his head…then everything went black._

_Anders sat up and reached for his staff. Just as he felt the presence enter the clearing. He spun to see the pale, ghostly figure of Justice walking towards him. _

"_Justice, what are you doing here?"_

"_Kristoff's body is dying back at the Keep." _

"_Oh, I'm so sorry…Am I dead?"_

"_No, you were knocked unconscious by a falling rock. Anders, to stay in the mortal realm to help you, the mages, the Commander, I need a body to inhabit, not a corpse that will rot out from underneath me."_

_Anders heart began to race. In the past demons had started similar conversations with him those conversations ended badly for them. _

"_What are you asking, Justice?"_

"_I can help you Anders become the man worthy of the Commander. I can help you accomplish great things. Together, we can remake Thedas into a world where justice rules, not fear. A world where people aren't ripped away from their families because of an accident of birth, a place where magic is viewed as a gift from the Maker, not a curse; where a man who loves a woman despite his magical abilities can openly and freely marry her. Together we can accomplish this."_

"_H-how?" Anders stuttered._

"_Let merge with you then you will possess my strength, my wisdom and my insight. We can do this together, Anders."_

_Anders shook his head, "No...that would make me an abomination."_

"_I am not a demon, Anders. I am not evil. I am the Spirit of Justice. I will help you end the tyranny that is held over mages. You have seen and experienced many atrocities against mages all in my Father's name. The Chantry abuses their authority and misinterprets the words of the Maker. It has to stop, Anders."_

"_I am just one man..."_

"_A mighty river begins with just one single drop of rain. Stand up the rights of mages and I guarantee you won't be standing alone for long. Others will join your voice until the plight of the mages becomes a thunderous chorus that the Chantry can not ignore, but it has to start with one man. Anders, do you have the courage to accept my aid?"_

_Justice had been right. Why should so many suffer while he hid behind the protection of the Grey Wardens…behind Josie? Why should he be free while others were still at the mercies of their captors? Together they could lead the way, show others that there had to be a better way that the Circle was not the answer._

"_Yes, I accept," Anders replied. There is a bright light, searing pain and darkness…again._

The feel of the cold ground was the first thing that Anders' mind registered then the sound of the voices screaming and crying forced him to open his eyes as he tried to recall what happened. He was in the Keep…there had been a darkspawn attack…he had been fighting. Damn, his head is throbbing. Anders drew from his mana as he cast the healing spell, trying to remember everything…the Fade…conversation with Justice and then…holy shit…

"Justice," Anders thought.

"I am here," the spirits voice replied.

Before Anders could reply a voice growled from behind him, "I thought I felt the veil slip open."

Anders looked up into the face of a Templar, the man had shown up here right after Josie had headed to the City. His Chantry had fallen to the darkspawn and he decided his new calling was to be a Warden. Anders hadn't liked him or trusted him. What was his name?...Oh yeah, Rolan.

"You, mage, are an abomination," Rolan sneered.

Anders at first felt weak as he struggles to his feet, but as anger surged through him at the unfounded accusation, Justice gave him strength as the spirit rushed to forefront of Anders' mind, taking control, making Anders a spectator. The transformation must been astonishing because Rolan's eyes went wide with shock, but the Templar stood his ground.

"I am no abomination. I am something you can't comprehend fool! But you will come to fear me," Anders growled harshly in voice so unlike his own.

"Even the Wardens cannot harbor an abomination, even if the Warden Commander is sleeping with _**it**_. You must die," Rolan hissed as he leveled his sword at Anders' chest.

At the mention of the Commander, anger so fierce coursed through him, Anders' arm lashed out and gripped the templar's blade, the silverite didn't so much break, but exploded in a shower of molten metal as it ran down the templar's armor. Rolan turned to run, but Anders rushed him from behind and tore the Templar's head off at the neck, no magic, no sword, just _him_...whatever he was now.

Anders stood in the training yard, alone, the templar's broken body at his feet and he shook with fear.

"Oh fuck…what have I just done?" he muttered.

"He hated us, and he is dead. He feared us, and he is dead. He hunted us, and he is dead," Justice replied.

"No, this isn't what I wanted…this isn't what you promised," Anders retorted.

"They will all die, Anders. Every templar, every holy sister who stands in the way of our freedom will die in agony and their deaths will be our fuel." Justice bellowed inside his head.

Anders fell to his knees as he shook his head. "No…no…no this isn't what I wanted…this…this is wrong…oh fuck…Josie... Love, what have I done?"

"We will have justice, Anders. We will have _vengeance," _Justice replied before he receded back to the recesses of his mind_._

No, this is not justice. This is not the Spirit who Anders had called friend. What had the spirit become…what had they become? He needed to get out of here. There was no place for him any longer with the Grey Wardens...with her. He had been unworthy of Josie before, now he was a disgrace… she could not see him like this…she must never know what he had become. She must only remember him as the mage that loved her and tried to save her.

He looked around at the bodies of the Keep's fallen guards. He found one that was similar to him in size and build, and who had shoulder length blond hair. The man had been killed by an arrow through his neck. Anders stripped him out of his armor then he raced to his room, grabbed a few of his belongings, shoved them into bag, he grabbed an extra set of robes then headed out the door. He started back for the training yard, but paused then he turned and headed for Josie's room. He walked over to her closet; he rampaged through her clothes, smelling each article of clothing. When he found a blouse that held the strongest amount of her scent he shoved it into his back. He turned and looked at the bed that he had slept in with her, made love to her, healed her and talked with her for hours in. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he realized that one impetuous, impulsive decision had destroyed everything he had ever wanted and now he was doing to her exactly what he had vowed to never do to her…Maker forgive him.

Anders raced back down to the training yard, dressed the guard in his robes placed him in the path of an approaching fire. To aid the flames along and to ensure that the corpse was unrecognizable Anders cast a searing fireball at the body. He was about to leave when he thought it might be best not to look like a mage leaving the Keep, he quickly put the guard's armor on and placed his robes in his bag. He was just about to turn to leave when he heard Varel's voice behind him. Before he turned to face the Seneschal he slid the visor of the helm over his face.

"Guard, whose body is that?"

"I am not sure, Ser, I just cleared the back of the Keep of darkspawn when I noticed this body," Anders replied in a deep voice.

Varel strolled up to the burning corpse; his eyes went wide in shock. "No…it can't be…Oh Commander," the older man groaned.

"Do you recognize him, Ser?" Anders asked.

"I believe that is Warden Anders, but I will need the Commander to make a positive identification," the Seneschal replied.

Anders felt nauseous at the thought of Josie identifying the body…his body or what she would believe to be his body. "If you'll excuse me Seneschal, I will go look for other survivors in…"

"Varel!" Josie's voice rang out as her footsteps raced into the yard. Panic rose up so quickly in Anders that he nearly fled out the back gate, but the sight of her as she rounded the corner froze him place. She was covered from head to toe in dried blood, her long raven hair whipped wildly around her face as her piercing blue eyes swirled with panic. The very sight of her took his breath away...his fierce fighter, his just Commander, his perfect match in every way. She had kept her promise, she had returned to him and he was the one that was now forced to leave her.

"Varel, where the bloody hell is…" her voice trailed off as her eyes fell on the burning corpse on the ground. Her eyes went wide when she recognized the robes and as her gaze fell on what remained of the blond hair a wail tore from her lips as she fell to her knees in uncontrollable sobs. Anders had not expected to see her react this way to his death. She had never claimed to love him, but watching her now so grief stricken he knew...she loved him and his heart shattered as the realization of all that he had lost crashed down upon.

He watched in agony as she mourned over what she believed to be his body. He wanted to run to her, to pull her into his arms and tell her it was all mistake that he was alive that everything was going to be okay, but the image of Rolan's head as it flew off his body halted him in his tracks. It wasn't alright, it would never be alright again.

"Oh Anders…no...please Maker…no…" Josie cried as the grief now grasped her completely and buried her in it. She wrapped her arms around herself, protectively and began to rock back and forth.

Nathaniel fell down beside her and pulled her into his arms. "I'm sorry, Josie. I'm so sorry," the rogue said as he held her tightly against him.

It was more than Anders could take; he felt the bile rising up in the back of his throat. He turned and ran for the woods. When he was far enough away he leaned against a tree and threw up. He had never wanted to cause her pain, he had only wanted to heal her, save her and to love her…he had royally fucked that up. Till the day he died he would never get the image of Josie on her knees and the anguish he had seen in her eyes...anguish that he had caused. He had told her she could trust him with her heart, whether she had realized it or not she had given it to him and he had gone and broken it.

"Oh Josie, Love, I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry for bring pain into your life," Anders moaned as he fell to his knees and grieved for all that he had lost.

**Epilogue**

Josie stared at the letter from Weisshaupt in disbelief. Who the hell did Gatlin think he was...well beside being the First Commander, who did he think he was telling her that she couldn't give her Wardens a leave of absence. Yes, it had been two and half years since the Keep had come under attack and Anders had faked his death, but whatever Anders was running from he obviously needed time and she had been willing to give it to him. However, the longer he was gone the more their whole relationship seemed like some crazy, sex filled dream...a very good dream, but a dream none the less. Yes, Anders had told her that he loved her, but what did a notorious womanizer like Anders really know about love.

"I love you, Jo. I'm not him. You can trust me with your heart." Anders words rang hollow in her ears and she snorted with aggravation. She could dwell on the pain or she could accept Anders for who he was and cherish the memories that she had of their time together. She chose the latter, it made her less bitter which made her easier to be around...her Wardens appreciated that.

Anders may not have truly loved her, but he had kept one of his promises...he had saved her, healed her, brought her an unspeakable amount of joy and pleasure and had brought her back to life. For those reasons alone she couldn't be angry with him, for those reasons alone she would save him from Weisshaupt and Gatlin's anger. There was a knock at the door then it opened as Nathaniel burst in.

Josie raised an eyebrow. "Have you ever heard of waiting for someone to let you in? What if I had been naked?"

"Nothing I haven't already seen, Jo," Nathaniel replied dryly.

"Yes, but you haven't seen me naked," Josie replied.

"Oh please, if you've seen one pair of breasts you've seen them all," Nathaniel teased.

"Just you wait, Nate, your time is going to when you fall hard for just one woman and her breasts will be the only ones will ever want to see again."

"I certainly hope you're right, Jo, I really do," Nathaniel said as he plopped down on the sofa in her office. "Sooo I heard we are making a trip to Kirkwall to save that mage of yours from his own stupidity."

"He isn't my mage and I doubt he ever was," Josie replied.

"Josie, Anders maybe a lot of things...a bastard, an idiot, a selfish prick, a fucking asswipe, a..."

"Do you have a point, Nate, or are you just enjoying insulting him?"

"I was rather enjoying insulting him, but my point was is that you should never doubt Anders' love for you. Anyone who has ever seen him with you could tell that he loved you. I don't know what is going on with him that has kept him away from you for so long, but it has to be pretty fucking big because that mage adored you."

Josie really wanted to believe what Nathaniel was telling her and as images of all the beautiful moments that they had shared together flickered through her mind she clung to the hope that his words had brought her. She really wanted to believe that he had loved her, but she didn't have the best record when it came to men. Marcus had died, Alistair had betrayed her and Anders had left her. Maybe love wasn't meant to be for her because it seemed that she was always losing the beautiful ones.

* * *

><p><strong>AN – The inspirations for Justice and Anders conversation came from these quotes. "When a man is denied the right to live the life he believes in, he has no choice but to become an outlaw." Nelson Mandela**

"**The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." Albert Einstein.**

***Anders' merge scene was inspired by Jennifer Helper's short story.**

***Thank you to everyone who read, reviewed and added it to their lists. I really appreciate the support.**

***A huge shout out and be big huge to my Beta Guru, Bonzy, for her help with this entire story. Thank you from the bottom of my heart putting up with my craziness and standing by me. I am lucky to have you as a beta and more importantly as a friend. Thank you!**


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